Crude Irony
by XxMidnightWolfxX
Summary: James has landed himself kneedeep in trouble & is now starting to learn the meaning of consequence. What’s more? He’s brought Lily into it all. What happens when he gets an unexpected invitation to her house?
1. Trouble With The Heads

_My first Harry Potter fic; it was originally supposed to be a oneshot, but anyone who's read my other fics would know by now that I am incapable of doing that._

Summary: James has landed himself knee-deep in trouble and is now starting to learn the meaning of consequence. What's more? He's brought Lily into it all. Her temper reaches boiling point as he plunges deeper into trouble, and it only gets worse from there.

**Disclaimer:** I am not nearly as intelligent as JK Rowling, so let's just decide here and now that this disclaimer is an obvious waste of time. I do not own Harry Potter, my brain is not that wild. I would never be able to conjure an entire world as our favorite author has.

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**Crude Irony**

Chapt 1- Trouble With The Heads

James dashed swiftly down the darkened corridor, sending streaks of the scarlet candlelight along with the rush of wind. His cloak was billowing smoothly behind him, rippling against the air. He was panting heavily — a sign that was sure to give him away — but a smirk was set visibly on his lips as he carried himself hastily down the hall, deeply resisting the urge to burst out laughing.

It was a rather awkward situation. Half of him was panicked beyond belief at the trouble he had just so narrowly avoided plunging himself into, and he was still far from the Gryffindor common room; and the less sensible, trouble-seeking half was easily overpowering the first, reciting the events that had led him into this predicament and already planning his various escape routes.

Despite what people were saying about his maturing, James, even at the age of seventeen, was still as reckless and ambitious as ever. Of course he held these things hidden whenever Evans, her friends, and professors were around lately, but there were nights such as this where he felt he could not resist the urge to do something . . . well, stupid.

He turned left, barely managing not to stumble over his tangling robes as they wrapped themselves around his ankles, and regained balance. Just a little farther and he would be in visible sight of the one-eyed witch statue. The word '_Dissendium_' had already entered his mind and he reached into his robe for his wand when a shabby looking tabby cat appeared around the corner. She let out a groaning hiss and then croaked a load "meow".

James swore under his breath and made an abrupt halt, scrambling around and chaotically sprinting back down the corridor once more. Where was Sirius now, he wondered. Where was his cloak? He reached a shaky hand into his right pocket and pulled out a piece of slightly torn parchment,

_"I solemnly swear that I—_ Aaaargh!"

A startled scream reached his ears in echo with his own and he stumbled backward, the blank sheet and his wand flying out of both hands. He lifted himself up into a sitting position and stared, white-faced, his mind racing rapidly. He could almost feel his heart beating in his throat.

For the first time in living memory, James could not have been more relieved to know that Lily Evans was the person he had so rudely ran into.

"Potter!" she hissed, but he put a hand to her mouth and got to his feet. Wildly glancing around, he pulled on her robes and rushed her toward the nearest classroom.

"_Alohomora!"_

The lock clicked open and he pushed the door forward hastily and carelessly dragging her inside. Furious, Lily ripped herself out of his grasp with an angry gasp as he murmured, "_Colloportus_," and sealed the lock once more.

Peeves could be heard cackling beyond it as he flew past, shouting gleefully, "_Potty Wotty's on the run, but little Peevsie's wondered where he's gone . . ._"

Allowing himself a feebly triumphant smile at such a close call, he put his hand to his hair as to ruffle it and turned to face the room when—

_SMACK!_

He recoiled immediately, placing his hand to his cheek as Lily advanced dangerously, pulling her wand out of her pocket and aiming it at him. James's expression of shock slid off his face immediately and he forced another smile, unwillingly bringing his hand casually into his pocket.

"Now, Evans, you know as well as I that nothing you throw at me will—"

"Step aside!" barked Lily, jerking her wand as to signal his movement, but he remained still. "Move, Potter! I have no intentions of receiving another detention for your stupid and irresponsible actions. Get out of my way!"

"And of course you won't receive detention by hexing another student," James noted sarcastically. "Besides," he added hastily as she clenched her teeth angrily, "It's too late now, Evans. It's fifteen past nine. Leave now and you'll be sure to receive a—"

"Not if I can get around—"

"Filch, dung for brains, and _Peevsie?_" James supplied with a smirk, crossing his arms over his chest as he watched Lily's expression harden. She shot him a reproachful look and then stowed her wand back into her robes.

James watched her slump angrily into a desk farthest from him, her shoulder length red hair falling forward to hide her face. His smile widened with amusement and he found it very hard to tear his gaze away from the girl.

Lily Evans, the only person in the entire school who had ever refused to date him forty-three times consecutively (and counting), was here, nearly half past nine, in a classroom alone with him. How ironic.

He stepped forward, but she turned her head abruptly at the noise and narrowed her brilliantly green eyes scathingly.

"I'm Head Girl, Potter!" she reminded him angrily, rising from her seat and striding toward him again. "_Head Girl!"_ she snapped, now jabbing her index finger very roughly into his chest. "I can't be caught hiding in an empty classroom after hours, and _certainly_ not with _you_!"

James gave her a hearty laugh before catching her hand in his and holding it away from his torso.

"I shall pretend no longer, Evans. You are a right pain . . . literally," he added with a serious note as he rubbed his continually throbbing cheek. Lily, however, was growing irritable with his childish behavior.

"It's all games to you, isn't it?" she snapped, pulling her hand from his violently. "Do you ever take five seconds to think about anyone other than—?"

"Myself?" James supplied once more, cutting her off before she could finish. He found it almost ironic how those words were meant for someone who spent most of his years at Hogwarts becoming an illegal Animagus to help his best friend deal with his monthly . . ._ furry_ little problem . . . .

He placed his left hand to his chin as if attempting to "spot a brainwave" (as Lily so often put it, though she usually referred to his lack of doing so) and gave her a weak grin.

"Well, Evans, you've pointed out — very _clearly_ might I add —" (he frowned and placed a hand to his now aching chest) "that you are Head Girl. And, of course, far be it from me to know anything about your duties and privileges, seeing as I am not a Head myself," (Lily's bitter look hardened beyond a point of recognition at the dry sarcasm) "but I thought that we were allowed to walk the corridors at night?"

Lily's eyes narrowed dangerously and she shot James a stern look — one he returned with a satisfied grin — before contemplating his words carefully. After realizing that what he said was true, she eased up a little and walked around him toward the door. As she made to retrieve her wand and unlock it, he hastily grabbed her wrist and gave her a light tug. Cantankerously, she whirled around and hissed, "_What?_"

He raised a finger as if to scold her and said serenely, "But Evans, as a _Head_, I assumed you knew of the current rule."

He couldn't suppress an amused laugh at the way she contorted her face in rage. Not bothering to pull out of his grasp, she said through gritted teeth, "What rule?"

James cleared his throat and recited, "Due to the increasing amount of deaths our Ministry has reported following the recent rise of Lord Voldemort (declared the Darkest Wizard in living memory henceforth), we must press harder than ever the significance of your safety. All are to heed caution. Students are to return to their common rooms before nine o'clock in the evening, are forbidden to leave Hogwarts grounds without responsible adult company, and are to confide all strange behaviors to teachers at once. These laws abide for Prefects and Head Boys and Girls as well. Furthermore . . . . and that's pretty much when Sirius and I stopped listening."

A broad grin spread across his face at Lily's bewildered expression. She opened her mouth to speak, stuttered, closed it, opened it again, waited, and blurted, "_What?_"

James chuckled and released her.

"It means that Heads must abide by the 'regular student' laws," he elaborated.

Lily seemed to struggle with what to say next. Her incredulous look seemed to suggest that she had trouble believing that he, James, actually paid enough attention to recite word for word. It was a trait many wizards and witches had, if they had enough brain power, that is to say.

Deciding to save her from the stutters that were sure to come, he reached into his pocket, took out a folded piece of parchment, and cleared his throat:

"_I solemnly swear that I am up to no good_."

"Excuse me?"

Lily seemed to have found her voice. She fixed her eyes on the jet black hair of her sworn rival and then realized that his gaze was on something else. The blank piece of parchment in his hands began to spill black ink onto its surface, and before long, a map of Hogwarts had imprinted itself on the paper.

"A map?" she asked, walking closer to get a better look. She let out a gasp and turned her eyes upon James again. This time, he was looking at her, a slanted smile planted on his lips.

"Forgive me, Evans. I realize that as Head Girl, it is your job to confiscate things such as this, so here you are."

He handed her the parchment and she eyed it warily.

"What's this rubbish?" she asked, skeptical at his all-too-confident tone.

A loud laugh escaped James and he repeated, "'_What's this rubbish?_' This, Evans, is the secret to my — excuse me, _our — _success: The Marauder's Map. It'll tell you anything you need to know about Hogwarts."

"Anything?" Lily repeated quietly, leaning over it again. She took it from his hand and examined it. "Where'd you get it?"

Once again, James chuckled. His hand found his hair and he ruffled it on reflex.

"That's beside the point, my dear Head Girl." (Lily's scowl deepened at the constant reference. Apparently, he now felt the need to remind her of her privileged status as often as possible for the way she had scolded him about it earlier) "The question is, do you confiscate this '_rubbish_'? Or do you hand it back to me so that I can find us a way out of here, and then solemnly swear that you will not breathe a word of this to anyone other than the four Marauders themselves?"

Lily's brow kicked up and she shot him a skeptical glance again. Her eyes dropped back to the parchment and she recited, "Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs." (A curious expression set upon her features, as if she was trying hard to recall a fleeting memory) "Who're they?"

"The Marauders," James replied smartly. "Very nice people, and intelligent too — not to gloat. Well, all but Wormtail. He's a bit of a git," he added, his lopsided grin turning into a thoughtful frown. "So, what say you, Evans? Are you willing to join Mr. Prongs and do a little midnight prowling, or are you going to play it safe and camp out here until morning?"

Lily's green eyes narrowed as she watched his hazel ones stare at her with interest. Of course, when he put it that way, she really had no choice at all.

"All right, I suppose I can throw aside Head duties for tonight and accompany this _Prongs_. Let me know when he arrives," she added bitterly, dropping down to the floor and crossing her legs. Perhaps the fewer questions she asked, the more answers she'd receive. Nothing ever worked normally with Potter.

Without saying another word, James took the map, examined it carefully, and then handed it back to her with the news that Filch was rummaging on the fifth floor at the other end of the school, Mrs. Norris (or as he referred to her, _dung for brains_) was on the first floor, and Peeves was floating around the boys' bathroom on the fourth floor.

"So if we leave now," he continued in mock thoughtfulness, "we should be able to reach the seventh floor and make it back to Gryffindor Tower without being spotted. The corridors are deserted at the moment."

"And you honestly trust this map of yours?" she asked, looking up at him with that seething glare, trying to burn it into his mind that everything bad that happened to her at Hogwarts (whether true or not) was his fault.

"Of course I do—"

"Well I don't," said Lily, unsatisfied by his interrupted answer. "Less than I trust you. How do you know it's not faulty? The 'Marauder's Map', honestly! You trust these Marauders?"

"Of course," James replied immediately and lightheartedly, "Seeing as I am one—"

Lily's gaze shot upward at him and she saw that he was looking down at her, his grin wider than ever. He reached out his hand and offered, "May I give you a lift, Miss Head Girl Evans?"

"Oh shut up!" Lily snapped, scrambling to her feet. "You and your kind gestures! You're about as innocent as my sister is an elf. What do you mean, you're a Marauder?"

"Well, which word of it did you not comprehend?" James asked sincerely. "Was it _'I'_, _'am'_, or _'one_'?"

Lily's scarlet cheeks were darkening to a point of correspondence with her hair. She tightened her lips to avoid blurting out something foul, though it seemed too much to repress. Instead, she raised her hand and brought it swiftly again at James's face.

"Oi!"

His hand darted to his other cheek and he stepped back. Feeling calmed at his reaction, she loosened her tense shoulders and inhaled deeply.

"That felt good. . ."

"Speak for yourself," said James, rubbing his face to numb the pain.

"Right," said Lily serenely, snatching the map from his remaining hand and holding it up to eye level. "Well, I still don't trust your word, but if it's a choice between listening to this stupid map and spending the night with you, I'm definitely dumping the latter."

James's face fell and he opened his mouth to whine mockingly, but she turned to face him and he flinched and jumped back on impulse. This time, Lily was the one to smirk.

"You're learning," she said in a tone too sweet to be taken lightly. "Wonderful."

She pocketed the map and turned toward the door. James darted after her and grabbed her wrist once more. She turned around irritably, but he let go and ran before the door. She looked back at him and scowled.

"What now?"

"First, I must remind you that you are not to breathe a word to _anyone_ about the map," said James. "And secondly . . ."

He held out his hand, keeping his eyes fixed on hers. Her lips tightened again and she reached into her pocket. Pulling the parchment out, she dropped it into his hand and made her way around him.

"Right, Filch is coming our way. We have to hur — Evans!"

Lily had already unlocked the door and stepped past the threshold. Without glancing back, she turned left and began heading toward the nearest staircase. James chased after her.

"No, you're going the wrong way. There's a faster way round here," he said, wrapping his hand around her slightly smaller one once more and dragging her down the other way.

"Potter, get off of me!" snarled Lily, trying to pull out of his grasp, but to no avail. "I'll go whichever way I want. You're _not_ going to land me in detention!"

With a violent jerk, she managed to pull away from him. He made to grab her again, but stopped halfway, allowing his arm to slowly lower as his eyes caught sight of a disheveled tabby cat just behind her.

"No," he breathed, as if the word would have influence on it. The cat hissed and meowed, trotting along the corridor for her master. "Damn!"

He ran past Lily, who whirled around with a cry of "Where are you going? POTTER!"

But James did not stop. He pulled out his wand and dashed after Mrs. Norris. Catching sight of what he was doing, Lily raced after him.

"Are you insane! That's Flich's cat! He'll have your head for sure!"

She leapt forward and managed to wrap her arms around him from behind. He tried to run, but she turned around and pushed him out of the way, now standing between him and Mrs. Norris.

"She'll rat us out!" cried James, hastily trying to find a way around Lily, but she pushed him back forcefully. He stumbled over the hem of his robes and collided with the wall, immediately regaining his posture. "Let me freeze her!"

"And what'll happen when Filch finds out?" Lily hissed.

"He won't know it was—"

"Who's there, my sweet?" Filch's voice echoed through the nearly deserted corridors, silencing their bickers at once. Lily and James froze, listening attentively. Both seemed to pale at the sound of approaching footsteps.

Without hesitation, James rushed forward, grabbed Lily's sleeve, and ran the remainder of the hall until they reached a staircase.

"You idiot!" Lily snarled, slapping his hand away. Just then, something hard collided with her feet and she stumbled forward with a surprised cry, making contact with James's shoulder and pushing him forward as well. They jolted down the stairs, each gasping as they made contact with the stone steps; James was only a few steps ahead of Lily, and their black school robes were tangling around them.

After at least ten seconds of falling, James finally collided on his stomach with a silent cry as the wind was knocked out of him. Lily Evans had just landed on his back, pushing him further down so that the side of his face now became one with the floor.

She groaned and pulled the tangled strands of red hair from her face before realizing who she had landed on. A pair of filthy shoes stopped before James's eyes as he lifted his head painfully. Argus Filch was wearing a lopsided grin. His expression evidently noted the maniacal glee in each one of his aged creases. Mrs. Norris trotted around James and curled around Filch's ankles.

"Well, well, Potter," the caretaker sneered smugly. "We are in trouble, aren't we?"

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_Ahhh, sweet, sweet irony. James Potter landing himself right before Filch and dragging Lily in with him. You can imagine she won't be too pleased by that. I love JamesxLily fics. They're so much fun! _

_Please review, it helps a lot!_


	2. Slytherin's Revenge

_Chapter 2 has arrived, and I must tell you I actually like the way this came out. Though I feel terribly bad for the events that take place in this one, I still like the way it's written, and I must apologize to the victim of this chapter. _

_All right, I fixed up chapter 1, because my brain wandered when I was writing it, and I completely forgot they were Head Boy and Girl. Genius me. . . _

_I'm hoping this chapter's worth the read. I ended up writing half of it (yes writing. . . words, sentences, dialogue) in my mind at 3:30 AM a few nights ago. I actually had to get up and transfer it all onto paper, but I ended up revising it as I wrote it on the computer. _

_Once again, forgive me for my cruelty in the events of this chapter. But I'm hoping everyone (including the foul Slytherins) were in character. And if not, feel free to rant on relentlessly to me about it._

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Many thanks to:

**Andrien: **_Lily and James fics are, in my opinion, the most fun to read. Thanks for the review!_

**purrbaby101: **_I can guarantee you _some_ action in here, though a little different than the usual DP scenes, and thank you! I'll be updating Alternative soon._

**Erica: **_Thank you! This chapter ended up being longer than I intended, but I like the way it came out. Hopefully, you will too, and please try not to beat with a Bludger when you're done._

**Mila: **_(cheeks turning red) Thanks! __Plenty more of James-Evans-Sirius retorts to come._

**Your ray of Sunshine: **_I intend to _:) _Thank you!_

**Kybo:** _You've returned! I'm so thrilled to hear from you again. Thank you very much!_

**Squashes:**_ My style of writing's not that great Just a little, eh, out there . . . Weird. Same goes for my sense of humor. _

**LicketySplit123:**_ Wow! I'm truly flattered! Thank you for making an exception and reading my story It's great to know I actually made you laugh out loud. I hope you like this chapter. Enjoy!_

**kluvhp: **_Thank you for your review. It definitely brightened my day to find that I had another fan of this fic. You helped boost my confidence tremendously and I absolutely love your comments. I see you've reviewed many chapters and I appreciate it greatly. Thank you so much ._

**RandomObsessivePsychoFangirl:**_ Wow, it took me a while to get your pen name right. It's longer than my last name . . . that's saying something. Anyway, I don't recall ever reading whether the Marauders used their names all the time or if it was just a thing they used to do whenever they were referring to the map, so I just made it so that they used the names, but not always, so, since Lily isn't usually hanging out with them (until 7th year, that is), she probably doesn't often hear them calling themselves Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs. And if she did, I doubt she'd pay enough attention to care, but I don't know. You must be very attentive to have actually noticed that :) Thank you for reading my fic and reviewing. It helps a lot._

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_Previous Chapter left off with James and Lily on the floor at Filch's feet (which I can imagine smell pretty bad) _

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**Crude Irony**

Chapt 2- Slytherin's Revenge

James allowed a smirk to pass on his lips as he inconspicuously tried to wriggle free from Lily's added weight — which, he had to admit, was much lighter than he had expected. However, he didn't get far when Filch closed a shriveled and aged hand around the back of his robes, and another around Lily's sleeve, and forced them up.

Despite his height of 6'1", James found himself struggling to reach the floor, the tips of his trainers barely touching it. For an old Squib, Filch had a strong grip as he held his trembling arms slightly above his head, sneering at them both.

"Thought you could escape me, did you?" he growled at James, who was trying his best not to emit a choking noise, as the collar of his robes was digging into his neck. He pulled at it was his hands and cleared his throat silently. Lily's scathing look hit him like a massive block of ice, but he merely smiled wider.

"Escape _you_?" he said to Filch, whose mouth twitched. "Never! I'd deemed it impossible, the way you seem to attract us troublemakers so very often. I can't _possibly_ stand a chance against a Squib."

Filch's smug expression seemed to slip away at the word and he jerked his arm upward, causing James to let out a choked gasp.

"Sir," Lily began somewhat stiffly, "I don't believe Professor Dumbledore would approve of your strangling his students."

"Keep your nose out of this, Missy," Filch grumbled, pulling harder on her sleeve. Her feet were suspended an inch off the ground and her right arm was hanging somewhat awkwardly high above her head. "Potter's had more coming to him than ruddy detentions. A couple of whip lashings would set you right," he added nastily to the boy on his right, obviously dissatisfied with Dumbledore's ban against physical beatings.

"By all means, do whatever you want with him," Lily obliged. "I honestly couldn't care less; just set me down."

James's eyes darted to her and his mouth fell open in disbelief. He shut it immediately, but the fact that Evans had spoken with such an evident lack of empathy made the pain in his neck subside immensely, now playing around his heart. However, as usual, he was quick to recover from these all-too-natural blows.

"That really hurt, Evans," he said in a false hurt tone, receiving a furious glare from Lily, which was soon followed by the usual remark:

"Shut up, Potter, before you make me _earn_ my detention."

His eyes wandered to her pocket, which had formed a lump as she, undoubtedly, closed her hand around her wand. An amused smirk spread across his paled lips.

Lily could only wonder how he had the nerve to smile when she was throwing threats at him and Filch was practically cutting circulation from his throat.

"Bickering won't help you," Filch sneered, giving each a violent jerk (James's glasses slid slightly down his nose and he tried scrunching his face to prevent them from falling off completely). Lily couldn't repress a snort at the awkward visual. Filch, unfortunately, misinterpreted this and shot her a seething glare. "Find my words funny, Missy? We'll see how much you'll laugh when I inform the headmaster that his Head Girl has been wandering the corridors at night with Potter and his lot, playing pranks on unsuspecting Slyth—"

"I was _not_ with Potter!" Lily barked hastily, completely forgetting to remind him that James was Head Boy. "I would never—"

At that moment, Filch released both teenagers and they stumbled forward onto the ground, James hastily spinning around onto his back as Lily pushed herself slightly up.

"What's this?" said Filch, excitement evident both his eyes and tone as he reached for a piece of parchment on the ground.

James gasped, snatched his wand up from the floor, leapt forward, placed its tip on the map, and said, "_Mischief managed!_"

At once, its black prints melted into the worn parchment and disappeared out of sight. Lily stared awkwardly, mouthing the word "_what?_"

James's last minute act did little to please the caretaker, whose eyebrows practically connected as he narrowed his dark eyes, flipping the paper around to find the invisible print. Angrily, he reached down and grasped James's uniform sweater, about to lift him forcefully to his feet when a familiar voice rang through the silence.

"Mr. Filch!" Slughorn cried, scurrying forward as fast as his short legs would allow. "What in Merlin's beard are you doing with the boy?"

Upon catching sight of Lily, Slughorn stopped in his tracks, completely forgetting about the struggling Potter beside her.

"Lily? Goodness, I'm surprised to see _you_ wandering the corridors this late. Didn't you hear Dumbledore's new decree?"

Lily shot a glance at Potter, who seemed ready to wrap his hands around Filch's throat and strangle him. Slughorn noticed her averted gaze and cleared his throat.

"That's enough, that's enough, I'll take it from here," he said, pulling gently on James's hood to release him from the caretaker's grasp.

Lily couldn't help but wonder if Slughorn did this more out of concern for Filch, seeing as James's face now reflected rage in every one of his 'charming' features. She suppressed herself from allowing a gag to slip her tongue as the thought passed fleetingly through her mind.

"Not so — You can't —What about punishment!" Filch barked, stowing something in his cloak as Slughorn turned to steer the two away.

"A detention then," said Slughorn hastily. "I passed by the trophy hall earlier, and someone seems to have taken it amongst themselves to dump dungbombs and exploding firecrackers on a group of fifth year Slytherins. Mr. Potter and Ms. Evans can clean it up tomorrow, say around ten?"

James's rage seemed to have flown out the window as a shocked and pleading look replaced it.

"But sir, Quidditch is tomorrow!" he implored, ignoring Lily's accusatory look at Slughorn's ranting about dungbombs and firecrackers. For a second, he thought the professor, Head of Slytherin House himself, would take this to his advantage and surely gleam with triumph, but was taken aback when an understanding smile shattered through his mind's visualizations.

"Oh dear, I forgot about that. I guess I shouldn't pull you out of the game — not when you're playing against Slytherin House! It would be too good of a show to let up. All right then, how about tomorrow afternoon instead? Five o'clock."

Both Lily and Filch looked as if they had been struck dumb. A Slytherin Head passing up the chance to land his House's rival's best player in detention? It all seemed too astounding to believe, but then realization struck, and Lily's own words came flooding back to her.

Potter, the best Quidditch player Hogwarts has seen in many a year — of course Slughorn would want to keep him close.

A triumphant grin broke through James's rarely exposed vulnerable look and he made sure to smirk at Filch before striding away with Slughorn. Lily followed closely behind. He could hear her mutter, "It wouldn't do him harm to get his fat head back on the ground every once in a while."

"Prongs!" Sirius greeted, scrambling out of his chintz chair and running off to the common room entrance at the sight of his best friend. He and James clapped hands before landing a rough pat on the other's back. Remus was also on his feet, rushing over to him.

"Are you all right?" he asked sincerely. "You took a while, mate."

"Yeah, I got . . . er . . . held up."

His hazel eyes darted to Lily, but she was already striding across the room toward the staircase that led to the girls' dormitories.

"Oi! Evans!"

He sprinted past Sirius and grabbed her wrist for the fifth time that evening. She struggled to break free, but he pulled her close, an action which was sure to result in her facing him to try to get away.

He was not disappointed; Lily whirled around and pushed against his chest with her free hand, trying to pull the other away from him.

"I'm hurt, Evans. Not even a kiss Good Night?" he asked, refusing to release her. Her vivid green eyes turned to his; he could almost feel them burning through him.

"I'd rather kiss an Acromantula," Lily snapped, struggling to pry herself away, but she knew the attempt was fruitless. When James wanted to hold on, almost nothing could stop him. That little fact would frighten most girls who found themselves victim to his vice-like grip, but after spending a full six years together at Hogwarts (soon to be seven), she knew well enough that James was harmless to most when his mood was light — and when surrounded by women, it usually was. There wasn't a doubt in her mind that he wouldn't intentionally hurt her, one of the only good traits the prat possessed.

"You don't mean that," he teased, pulling her back as she tried to run away.

"Oh yes, I do," she assured, pulling harder. "Get off of me!"

"You know the conditions, Evans," said James, loosening his grip slightly at her threatening tone. "I shall do whatever you wish, only if you—"

"I've told you, before, my answer to your _conditions_! Do you recall the reference to the giant squid? It still stands!" said Lily coldly.

Waiting several seconds to search her livid eyes for verification of those words, he let go, and she stumbled a little, hastily regaining posture.

"Come on, Evans, that reply is getting old. You can come up with something a little more creative than that. It seems to be getting a little, forgive me, redundant."

"As are your interrogations, Potter!" Lily barked as she made her way back toward the stairs.

"Good Night, then, Evans!" Sirius called heartily beside James, as if the three had just been having tea and discussing things conversationally. "We'll be seeing you at Quidditch tomorrow!"

This was sure to result in her chucking something at him. The smug look didn't do much to help. Lily, however, merely halted, one foot on the steps, and turned slowly toward him. James was sure that if her brilliantly green eyes had been burning into him before, Sirius would probably have felt a hole in his face by now.

"I'm not going to Quidditch tomorrow," she spat lividly. "I have better things to do than watch egotistic little baboons such as yourselves enlarging your heads further with every other goal. At the rate you're going now, I wouldn't be surprised if your head outweighed your body, Potter, and you wound up sitting upside down on that stupid broomstick of yours."

And with that, she was back to trotting up the stairs, taking two at a time to avoid another row of blathering stupidity. James, however, practically shrieked, "Not coming to Quidditch!" and dashed right after her.

"What do you mean you're not coming to Quidditch? Everyone's going to be there! It's Slytherin versus Gryffindor—"

"I think I've seen enough of your foul play towards Slytherins in the corr—"

Before Lily had a chance to finish, the stone steps grumbled loudly, and soon morphed into one giant and curved slide. Their feet slipped from the smooth surface and both James and Lily wound up hurtling back toward the ground.

And just as fast, the latter was lying on top of the "egotistic baboon".

And of course, he was first to speak.

"You know, I never get tired of landing in this position," said James, as Lily returned to her feet and shot him a scathing look before climbing the newly restored steps up to her dormitory.

"Oh dear," Remus mumbled upon hearing a loud _thud_ as the door slammed shut behind her.

"And I never get tired of seeing _that_," Sirius joined in, sitting down in a chair beside one of the desks and leaning back against it as it rested on two legs.

The following morning was full of talk as the four Marauders seated themselves amongst fellow Gryffindors, discussing their previous night. Lily, who was deliberately hidden behind a thick book, sat several seats diagonal to them.

"Oi, you should've seen the look on Steven Aubrey's face when he and those stupid little midgets were showered in dungbombs. Nearly wet himself, he did!" Sirius reminisced to James, Peter, and Remus upon taking a large bite of toast.

"That's not something to get giddy about, Sirius," said Lupin, who was sitting on James's right and leaning over him to look at the other ringleader of the Marauders. "I'll bet Bertram Aubrey's furious. He's playing Beater in this match. I'm willing to bet my wand he'll be wanting to get even."

"And as always, Remus, my dear friend," Sirius began casually, leaning over James as well, "we are but ten years ahead of them."

Remus' eyes drooped wearily. "Do I even want to know what you mean by that?"

And as if on cue, the entrance doors to the Great Hall swung open to reveal of group of muddy Slytherins marching over to their table to join the other few clean ones that had already been seated. James, Sirius, and Peter burst into laughter at the mingled looks of shock and rage of their adversaries, whereas Remus just sat wide-eyed at a loss for words.

The Great Hall (all but for the furious Slytherins and Lily Evans) erupted into laughter. Professors marched over to the scene, all looking weary and exhausted. They had been so used to these occurrences that it would now seem alarming if Hogwarts went through one quiet day.

"POTTER! BLACK!"

Immediately, both Marauders stood, smirking broadly, to face the staff table.

"Which one of you," barked Professor Dausly, "is responsible for this?"

Her thick eyebrows almost reached her mud-brown eyes, which were now narrowed and practically emitting sparks of rage and enmity. Of course, she would be first to accuse Sirius and James, having arrived to Hogwarts the previous month for the Defense Against the Dark Arts post and ending up in the center of a series of nasty start-of-term pranks from the two Marauders.

Still beaming with pride, Sirius raised his hand. James made to follow the gesture, but Sirius' foot found its way to his ankle, and he winced slightly.

"Terribly sorry, Professor," Sirius apologized, looking over her shoulder to throw a glimpse at Dumbledore; he was leaning back in his chair, fingertips connected, and smiling with amusement, "Must've been sleepwalking last night—"

"There was a bloody swamp in the corridor outside our common room!" a fifth year Slytherin bellowed, throwing a nasty look at Sirius, who smiled pleasantly.

"Yes, yes there was," he replied smartly at the obvious statement.

"You never learn, do you? Detention! My office!" Dausly barked. "Tonight! I'll teach you to think before you act, Black!"

"I look forward to it," Sirius replied earnestly as he walked alongside James to return to their breakfast, a sneer forming on his lips. Dumbledore let out a soft chuckle before they turned their backs on the staff.

"A swamp?" Peter squeaked with glee. "You placed a swamp at the entrance of the Slytherin common room?"

"Brilliant, Padfoot," James said, laughing. "Bloody brilliant."

"Well, I decided to greet our little friends with a nice early morning surprise, you know, good luck for the upcoming match."

Peter burst out laughing, and the remaining three Marauders turned to him, nonplussed.

"Yes, bloody brilliant," Lily said stiffly, lowering her book as James and Sirius turned their heads swiftly, and then wincing at the whiplash. "Land yourselves in detention right before your beloved game. Genius, Black."

"Why thank you, Evans," Sirius said heartily, taking another bite of his previously abandoned toast. Technically, only he had received a detention that morning, and it was set for the later hours of the day. Nevertheless, he smiled casually at her. "Doing a bit of light reading, I presume?"

Lily scowled over her heavy book and returned her gaze to its pages.

"Very nice cover," James complimented, "There's no chance of me getting past that. Ingenious, Evans."

"This _cover_ may be used for offensive purposes as well, Potter," Lily said coldly. "So you'd best hold your tongue."

"As you wish," James said rather smugly. "Need I remind you of my conditions?"

"You never give up, do you?" she shot back, rather disdainfully.

"Oh come on, Evans," James began sweetly, "you know you'll be fancying me after today's Quidditch match. Girls love—"

"I'm not your average girl, Potter," Lily informed him, taking a bite of her egg as he smirked.

"And shortly after," he continued serenely, "you'll be running into my arms, begging me never to let go as you confess your hidden love to me in the Gryffindor common room's celebration party . . . or perhaps during our detention."

Lily's eyebrow quirked up as James ranted, waving his fork around absentmindedly.

"And what fantasy are you living in today, Potter?" she questioned, all too used to his attempts.

"The one that involves your surname to change to Potter on our wedding night, with Sirius here as our Best Man, and you birthing me a son named Pertiflubberinkle . . . . . . . . or Harry." He paused to contemplate while Sirius snorted into his plate, and then decided, "no, no, Pertiflubberinkle's the one."

Lily looked absolutely mortified. James's hazel eyes seemed light with amusement as he took a bite of his sausage. After five seconds' hesitance, Lily finally found her voice.

"I don't dare think of the possibility of you spawning evil little Potters. I can almost feel pity for the idiot that'd be blind enough to marry you."

"Why Evans!" James said, clearly offended. "You're not an idiot."

Lily's eyes flashed dangerously as her grip on the butter knife tightened, leaving her knuckles pale white. Sirius took note of the ominous sign and intervened.

"No, no, allow me."

And before ether of the two Heads could spare a glance at him, Lily's heavy book collided with the back of James's head, sending him face forward into his pudding.

Then, eying the book curiously, Sirius opened it up and began flipping through the pages, as though knocking friends into their breakfast was a daily morning routine.

Lily, dumbfounded, didn't know whether to burst out laughing or avoid snorting as her sworn rival since Third Year emerged from his dessert with chocolate cream splattered on his nose. His menacing glare turned to Sirius, who caught sight of it and ceased rummaging through the book's pages.

"Don't give me that look, mate; I just saved your life. She was about to plunge that butter knife into your heart."

Had it not been for Dumbledore's announcement to begin heading toward the Quidditch pitch, James's hands would've found their way to Sirius' throat in no time.

- - - - - - - - -

Lily had been the first to run out of the Great Hall, so it came to no surprise that James had no opportunity to persuade her to come see the game.

He shifted slightly on his broom, throwing quick glances at the crowd of students. Several times, his eyes came upon his fellow Marauders, each shouting fruitlessly through cupped hands — no doubt words of encouragement or wise cracks.

"Captains, shake hands," Madam Hooch commanded. Fabian Prewett shook hands with the towering Horace Zanerok, and emerged with blood-red fingers. And in a blow of the whistle, the Gryffindors were off, speeding past the Slytherins to get to their posts.

"And they're off!" Gideon Prewett called into the megaphone. "Gryffindor in possession. Big surprise there," he added in a murmur, barely audible above the roaring crowd.

James soared through the sky, swerving around Slytherin Chasers as Fabian tossed him the Quaffle.

"And it's Potter in possession now. Slytherin doesn't stand a chance . . ."

"Prewett!" McGonagall warned against the biased comment.

As Gideon predicted, James thrust the Quaffle far from Slytherin's unsuspecting Keeper and scored a goal for Gryffindor.

"Go, go Gryffindor!" the sea of red and gold chanted, but he took the chance to shoot another fleeting glance for Evans. His eyes fixed on flaming red hair, but he was disappointed to see Nymphadora Tonks's face cheering merrily at them.

"And Gryffindor's back in possession once more with Jordan with the Quaffle, passing it to Prewett, who just performed an excellent Side Flip Dodge around Zanerok, if I do say so myself. And now it's back to Potter and . . ."

Disappointed moans filled the air as the Quaffle slipped from James's hand (probably for the first time in living memory) as he aimed for the middle goalpost. Fortunately, Jordan flew under and managed to catch it.

Distractedly, James flew to the side and found his eyes, once more, darting over the miniscule heads of hundreds of Gryffindors, all cheering at Jordan's quick save.

" JORDAN SCORES! Twenty-zero, Gryffindor back in possession."

Normally, the sound would've brought a triumphant look about his features, but now he merely disregarded it, forcing himself heavily to pull his eyes away from the chanting throng and back toward his fellow Chasers.

Instead, he found two Slytherin blokes whispering amongst each other. The scrawny form of seventh year Anthony Trent held the back of his hand to his mouth as if to prevent eavesdroppers from reading his lips. The short, bulk, and muscular troll, "Grotesque" Goyle, was guffawing loudly, adding more to his air of stupidity.

Simultaneously and quite surprisingly, both pairs of bleak gray eyes met his, and twisted sneers formed on their lopsided lips, revealing several bulging and mismatched teeth. Feeling not at all intimidated by this, James smirked back with that exact same grin that he shot all of his victims — the grin girls giggled at flirtatiously. The grin Lily Evans _hated_ to an extent that threatened to match her disdainful feelings for him . . . the _bloody toerag_, Potter.

"Potter!" Fabian Prewett bellowed, pulling him back into the midst of the match. James held out a hand, caught the hurtling Quaffle, and plunged forward, alongside his fellow Chasers.

In one quick move, he passed to Prewett on the left, who passed over him to Jordan on the right, who pulled his arm back as he stared attentively at the left goal, and then tossed it to Potter in the middle who aimed for the right and scored.

"Thirty-zero, Gryffindor!"

The chorus of, "Go, go Gryffindor," grew louder and several people began chanting, "Go, go Potter!" among them.

The Gryffindor Chasers retrieved the Quaffle once more and dodged easily around the Slytherins — all but Potter, who found himself surrounded by the three rivaling Chasers. He broke into a dive, swerved around them, and rose back up into the air, facing the swarm of red and gold.

And finally, he spotted her — blood red hair moving along the crowd, easily distinguishable amongst the darker haired students. She lifted her head just slightly and green eyes locked with hazel. A grin broke out on his features, even at her cold look. But she was not glaring, and at that moment, he felt alive and ready to get back in the game to knock Slytherin senseless.

Just as quickly, though, Lily's eyes widened in alarm, and a sickening and thunderous _thud! _reverberated through his skull, followed by shrieks and gasps from the crowd below him. He felt the force knock him limply off the side of his broom, but he instinctively wrapped his arms and legs around it and pulled himself back up.

The left side of his head was throbbing fit to burst. White lights flashed before his eyes, and he blinked painfully to try to clear his sight, but that only led to an obscured vision of blending colors, soon followed by the red blood emerging from his left eye.

His internal screaming drowned out that of the crowd's, but it never left his mouth; his throat constricted painfully as he hurtled headlong toward the ground, still grasping onto his broomstick.

Every other second, his vision would fade to black, and then return to the blurred mixture of green, white, red, and yellow. A swarm of jeers and laughter mingled with Gryffindor's terrified screams, and he closed his eyes.

They were _not_ going to make fun of him. James Potter did not quit, even when taking a hit to the head with something half his weight. Slowly and carefully, he began pulling out of his dive, but his efforts seemed fruitless.

"Potter's taken a nasty hit to the head with a Bludger from Slytherin's Beater, Bertram Aubrey. This does not look well for Gryff — hang on! He's coming round. Potter's back in the air!"

And sure enough, James felt the rush of wind against his face as his broom returned to the sky. This commentary was greeted by roars of triumph from Gryffindor. James could feel his trembling hands slipping off the handle, but he desperately clung on. The last thing he needed now was to fall forty feet from the air with a mind-shattering migraine. He winced and shut his eyes again, hoping to ease the pain, but the throbbing only grew worse. Consciousness was slowly slipping away.

"Potter!" Fabian called, but his word passed right through James's faltering mind. He opened his eyes just barely to see ahead, but everything was blended together, and the addition of red, gold, silver, green, and blue only did worse.

The more sensible half of him considered returning to the ground safely before he lost his struggling battle to keep awake, but the stubborn and more irrational side told him to keep himself in the game, no matter what the odds were. The thought of attempting a dive (which might result in him slipping off halfway through and ending up headfirst in the ground) was enough to send another wave of soreness to his throbbing skull. He therefore listened to his stubborn and more reckless half.

Gideon's voice loomed in the back of his disorientated mind as he scanned below for any sign of Lily or the three other Marauders, but their red and gold colors merged perfectly within the blurred shades of his House.

He flew forward, blindly listening for a sign of his fellow Chasers. However, a silver and green streak entered the corner of his vision and he recognized, immediately, the smug expression of the scrawny Slytherin Chaser. The name escaped him now . . .

James gasped weakly as his rival flew into him, sending him flying to the left, only to collide with another figure, who pushed him back. He gritted his teeth and shut his eyes, trying his best not to scream as another jolting pain swept through him. A double set of mirthless guffaws reached his ears (a little more audible from the right). Slowly turning his head to the left to see his assailant's accomplice, his clouded, blooded, and watering hazel eyes met the gray, leering ones of the bulk Goyle.

They were closing in on him.

"I sense foul play from the Slytherins!" Prewett bellowed furiously. "They're ganging up on Potter! Professor. . ." he added hopefully to McGonagall. Several seconds later, Madam Hooch was blowing her whistle, but the Slytherins ignored her.

Gryffindors were bellowing relentlessly from the crowd, shouting swear words at their rivals. Their angered shouts easily outmatched the Slytherin crowd's.

James blinked several times; he could barely make out one of the towering silver and green stands approaching them. He tried to turn left, but Goyle shoved him harder than the first time, and then Trent pushed him back. His head seemed to have jerked ten times more than the rest of his body and he let out an agonized cry. There was no way out; they had him trapped. There was no doubt Zanerok and his Beaters, Dolohov and Aubrey, were joining in around them.

A subconscious debate was going through James's mind: close his eyes and allow sleep to overtake him and wash away the torment, or stay awake and endure the agony with absolutely no way out. Either way, any choice he made would result in a collision with something hard.

"Bloody snakes! Five of the seven have got Potter surrounded! This isn't a game anymore. WHERE ARE HIS BLOODY TEAMMATES! Damn! Prewett's taken a hit from Aubrey — OI! That's my brother you're clobbering you repugnant—"

At that moment, Gideon's voice was drowned out by the thunderous and aghast groans and shouts from the Gryffindors. James barely recognized the deafening shout that escaped him as another excruciating blow made contact with his back. He slipped sideways off his broom and tore through the air, gaining immense speed as his back neared the ground.

He could make out the unrepentantly smug looks set about each Slytherin's face as the distance between them elongated rapidly. The wind lashed relentlessly against his back, cries of shock echoing from high above.

He cringed as the noise drummed obstinately in his mind, hoping, pleading for his consciousness to slip away before he reached the floor; imploring it to allow him to revert to a painless slumber, but his pleas proved pointless.

And with one final vindictive and agonizing collision, the rush of wind, the terrified cries, the blurred mixture of hazed colors, the sickening pain, and his struggling bit of consciousness were gone.

- - - - - - - - - - -

_Reviews make the world go round . . . . and they make me type faster. Your comments would be much appreciated!_


	3. Detention And The Marauder's Hoax

_I am SO incredibly sorry for the long update. I kept getting new ideas and had to revise and edit this chapter before I actually had a chance to write it. But now it is here, and it leads to the bigger more interesting plot, which I have planned out in the long hesitance of this update._

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Thank you to my wonderful reviewers! You guys are worth writing for:

**Erica: **_Of course he'll be fine; he's a Marauder. And Marauders don't take Bludger attacks lightly. Rest assured, the Slytherins will get what's coming to them. _

**Orangeokapi13:**_ LoL, James is James. As stated in the chapter: "_James Potter did not quit, even when taking a hit to the head with something half his weight." _He'll be fine._

**Your ray of Sunshine:**_ Thank you! I enjoyed writing this chapter. Of course, I feel bad for James, but the Slytherins will get theirs, trust me. You don't mess with a Marauder and get away with it . . . not while I'm the author, anyway. LoL. I'm glad to know you were able to visualize it. That means I'm doing something right!_

**Didi: **_'Perfect'. Wow, I wouldn't say that. Thank you! I'm hoping my other updates will not take as long as this one has._

**PoTtErMaNiAn87:**_ Writing your penname was a bit of a challenge. LoL! Thank you for your comments. I'm relieved to know that the characters are . . . well, in character. Don't worry, plenty more to come. This is just the beginning._

**Kybo:**_ I am so terribly sorry for the delay of this chapter. LoL, you tell me to type faster, I end up typing slower. Gagh! Feel free to beat with a Bludger bat now. Just don't bring a mob, unless you want me to stop writing completely. _

**Purrbaby101:**_ Poor, poor James. Nasty little Slytherins. As for Gideon, and Fabian . . . well, I remember Molly had two brothers, and since Moody described them with such high esteem, I figured they should play a higher role in Hogwarts than the average student — Gryffindor Captain and commentator. And for James being a Chaser, well, I kind of always remembered that. I've lost count of how many times I read interviews with J.K. Rowling mentioning that James was a Chaser. If you pay a little more attention, you'll notice another character in here that has some significance . . . _;)

**Squashes:**_ Thanks for the tips. I already explained the deal with Head Boy and Girl and James's sarcasm . . . yata, yata. But I stumbled upon something earlier and realized that, if James was born on November 2, he would indeed be in the year below Lily, so I changed it to make it so that his birthday was earlier. Thanks for your advice. I look forward to your chapter updates!_

**Justinkira: **_Loads more of Sirius and James to come. As for James's Quidditch team position, in the film, it said that James was Seeker, but according to J.K. Rowling, he was a Chaser. Weird, huh? Also, please forgive me — I've said this so many times before, but I am insanely sorry for the long update. I kept revising this chapter in my head and plotting out ways it could lead to the end, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, so, I apologize. Please don't clobber me._

**kluvhp:**_ Wow, I never get tired of reading your reviews. I am glad everyone is in character and written well. As for how Lily will come to like James . . . well, I already have that bit planned out. You'll just have to read and see :)_

**RandomObsessivePsychoFangirl: **_Wow, broad vocabulary you've got there. LoL, if I'm ever stuck on a word, I know who to go to. But yeah, that pretty much describes the Slytherins. I'm happy you liked the chapter and considered it "very nerve-wracking". I wrote it in my head, literally, at 3 AM when I couldn't fall asleep, so it's a little odd. _

_Previous chapter left off with a load of foul play from Slytherin during a Quidditch match and James falling off his broom . . . _

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**Crude Irony**

Chapt 3 – Detention And The Marauder's Hoax

_"—stupid prat came in earlier, no doubt to point his greasy little nose heavenward and praise the skies for the opportune moment. Probably the only time he can face a Marauder is when one's lying unconscious in a hospital bed. Idiot, I gave him a fluffy little tail to match the set of ears we sprouted for him earlier." _

"I'm sure he looked downright adorable," James mumbled with a weak smile as his opened his eyes (the left was incredibly sore). Three entwined figures hastily shuffled around to lean over him. Their forms separated as his vision cleared, though their outlines were still lacking focus.

"How d'you feel, mate?" Remus asked sincerely. He was standing between Sirius and Peter, all three on his right.

"Like a field of daises," James replied sardonically, leaning over to retrieve his glasses from the nightstand. As soon as he placed them before his eyes, his head gave another terrible throb as the image suddenly became much sharper. He could see barely anything from his, no doubt abnormally squinted, left eye.

"You gave us a right scare, you dolt," said Sirius, trying to pull off an angry expression; he failed miserably. "What were you thinking!"

"Nothing Padfoot, because it was my intention to fall forty feet from the air," James retorted, pulling his upper body up into a sitting position. His head was heavier than usual. On reflex, his hand shot up to his hair; to his relief, his fingertips found it. So he was not wearing a turban . . . .

"What's this bloody contraption doing on my head?" he demanded, when his fingers rested on a thick fabric wrapped in layers around his forehead. A few strands of his bangs were falling over it. He closed his hand into a fist and rapped softly on the right side of his head, but the fabric prevented it from reverberating to the injury on his left.

"Madam Pomfrey felt it was necessary to prevent you from hurting yourself further," Remus explained, walking past Sirius to get closer. He pulled James' hand down before he could hit himself again.

"_I didn't hurt myself!_" James insisted angrily. "I didn't fling a Bludger at my head! I didn't decide to jump off my broom in some stupid attempt to fly—"

"Because we all know you can sprout wings at any given moment, right," Sirius concluded hastily. "Listen, remember that little git, Steven Aubrey, that we attacked yesterday night with the dungbombs?"

"Yeah," James murmured, too weary to care where Sirius was going with this to even seem interested.

"Yeah well, the bloke ran off crying to his brother, Bertram Aubrey, Beater for Slytherin's team."

"Right," James agreed, completely lost. Apparently, upon reading Sirius' raised eyebrows, he was supposed to conclude something from that little bit of information. "So . . . what does that mean?"

"Honestly!" Sirius exclaimed, throwing his hands up and rising to his feet. "For everyone's sake, I hope no one ever aims a Bludger at your head again. Blimey mate, you're completely out of it."

"Very nice thing to say to a fallen comrade," Peter joined in. He turned to James and elaborated, "Steven and Bertram are brothers. Bertram set up a plot to get back at you, so he gathered all his mates and . . . well . . ."

He broke off and pointed to James's head. Before James could even take all of that in, a furious voice interrupted them.

"Then you deserved what you got," Lily spat, halting in her hesitant walk. The four Marauders' heads turned to face the entrance to the hospital wing, where she was standing, hands curling slowly into fists.

"Wha—? A — d-deserve _this_?" Sirius finally said after struggling with his words. He pointed at James, but Remus was standing in the way, walking forward to stand beside Sirius.

"Now Lily, I don't think _anyone_—"

"You were foul," Lily said through clenched teeth. "All of you! You find your little games amusing? It's about time you start taking consequence for your actions."

She was about to turn around when Sirius strode forward and closed his hand around her arm.

"You don't mean that," he insisted, shooting a glance at James. "I-I mean, no one deserves that. Surely you feel _some _remorse?" he added hopefully, as if forcing Lily to admit this would speed up James's recovery.

With a last scathing look, she wrenched her arm free, spat, "My only regret is that they got to you before I did," and turned on her heel to leave.

Sirius looked as if he had been slapped in the face. He turned back to the two Marauders on the bed and began looking at them as if trying to find the right words to determine she was mental.

"Detention, Potter," she added, turning around. Sirius shot up so fast, his spine cracked and he had to clench his teeth to avoid shouting out. "Slughorn wants us at 5 tonight. And Dausly'll be waiting for you, too, Black."

And without another word, she was out of the room with the door slamming shut behind her.

Silence followed her departure as all four Marauders tried to make sense of what had just happened.

"You know, for a second," James began, turning to look at Remus and Sirius, who were both making their way back to the bed, "I thought she was here to see how I was feeling."

"Women, mate," said Sirius. "I'd feel sorry for the git that ever tries to understand them."

"Right," James muttered absentmindedly, glancing at the door as if making sure she was really gone. "Er . . . right. So, what happened with the match? Who won?"

Sirius' eyes gleamed at the change of topic and he spoke before anyone else had the chance.

"Gryffindor of course! Good ol' Fabian was so furious, he knocked the Slytherin Seeker right out of the air when Hooch was busy yelling her head off over you."

"The game was over before they even had a chance to bring you up to the hospital wing," Wormtail exclaimed.

"I think I recall him running to the changing rooms with purple spots all over his face," Remus added, placing a hand to his chin thoughtfully. Sirius clapped a hand to his back (nearly knocking him into James) and beamed triumphantly.

"Those filthy serpents won't dare mess with a Gryffindor anymore. We'll see to that."

Remus' eyes darted to Sirius warningly, but the Marauder continued without notice.

"Now the question is what do we do with that bloke, Aubrey?"

Lupin straightened his posture and looked incredulously at Sirius.

"You're not serious," he warned. "After what happened to James, tell me you're joking—"

"Hey! They messed with my mate!" Sirius barked, suddenly losing his calm temperament. "We're not going to sit down and take that!"

"Sirius—!"

"No," James cut across him, straightening himself and waving a hand to silence Lupin. "That bloody hurt. I'm not walking away from this so that they can laugh at me. We're the Marauders, Remus. We're going to get even."

Remus sighed and placed a hand to his head.

"And you wonder why Lily hates you so much?" he mumbled, ignoring James's scowl.

"Right," James continued, paying no mind to Lupin and returning his attention to Sirius and an all-too-eager Wormtail. "So what's the plan, Padfoot?"

Sirius opened his mouth in astonishment, but then remembered the Bludger incident and decided against forcing James to think too much.

"Well, I have detention with Dausly in the dungeons tonight. Slytherin's common room is around the area. If I can just sneak under your dad's old cloak and use the Marauder's Map to figure out the current password, then—"

James's eyes widened and he immediately began looking around.

"The map!" he said frantically, rummaging through his pockets and then scanning the nightstand. "The map!" he repeated again.

The remaining three Marauders looked at each other alertly and then Sirius grabbed the neck of James's robes to prevent him from knocking everything over.

"Prongs," he croaked out, "where's the map?"

"Filch!" James said at once, pushing Sirius' hand away. "He took it! Damn! That night with Evans! He nicked it!"

"He-he took _our_ map?" Peter said furiously.

"No!" Sirius barked sarcastically. "What other one, Wormtail?"

"That's all right," Lupin said calmly, receiving three sets of glares. In all honesty, he was glad they were finally rid of it. It had been fun while it lasted. But no Marauder's Map meant fewer pranks, and fewer pranks meant less trouble for all four of them, not to mention James would actually have a chance with Lily and would stop waking them all up at four in the morning because he couldn't sleep thinking about her.

Fortunately, Sirius ran a hand through his hair and breathed calmly. "Yeah, yeah, it's all right," he muttered almost inaudibly. "Yeah, not to worry," he added loudly to the rest of them. "We already know every secret passage and room in this castle. Guessing the Slytherins' password should be fool's play. I'm willing to bet it's either 'Pure-blood', 'Mudblood', 'Parseltongue', 'Galleons', or 'Die, Gryffindor, die'."

Remus sighed heavily and buried his head in his hand again as the other three Marauders smirked deviously and huddled closer to discuss their revenge schemes.

- - - - - - - - - - -

At six past five, James was sprinting maladroitly through the halls, running clumsily into groups of passing first or third years, sending their books flying pell-mell everywhere. Once or twice, he slipped on scattered pages.

After what seemed like an eternity of an unusually high amount of reckless collisions, he finally spotted the thick red hair of Lily Evans' trailing down her cloak.

Her green eyes turned to him, narrowed and cold, at the sound of his off-beat footsteps. Finally, breathing at an alarmingly fast pace, he halted before her and choked, "Sorry, I—"

"Whatever," Lily said uninterestedly, unfolding her arms as she walked toward a long wall of trophies, plaques, medals, and various awards. Different colored sparks were showered over them, barely revealing the golden trophies beneath the veil of colors and burn marks. Some of the smaller awards were covered in filthy, gray grime. Many of them had fallen into the others, leaving clouds of dust over the walls behind them so that parts of names were cut off. James couldn't suppress a proud smile at the scene.

Unfortunately, Lily chose that exact moment to turn around. Her open mouth closed immediately and she crossed her arms over her chest, grasping a damp rag in each hand.

"Proud of it, are you?" she said bitterly, thrusting one of the rags at him. He turned around just as it hit him in the chest. After several hasty attempts, he managed to grasp it between his fingers. "Start cleaning the remnants of your firecrackers."

She strode away, her hair bouncing lightly behind her. James was ready to make a face, but only an idiotic smile took hold of his features. Without another word, he flattened out the cloth and began cleaning 'Muggle-style'.

Every now and then, he would shoot her a quick glance, but she seemed determined to make sure her eyes were on something else. Once or twice, he called, "Oi! Evans!" but she turned her back to him and continued her work. After several minutes, most of the trophies on her side of the hall were grime-free, whereas his were stubbornly leaving little smudges from the firecracker explosions.

As she made her way closer to the middle, he kept throwing fleeting glances at her, but she ignored him.

"E—" he began, but quickly broke off and continued scrubbing vigorously as the plump Professor Slughorn waddled by, throwing compliments at Lily's work and apologizing for the detention.

When he reached James, however, his smile faltered and he glanced around nervously.

"Er — you, eh, you-you've got a smu—"

"Yeah, I know," James replied carelessly, scraping the smudge until the hesitant Slughorn had disappeared back into his office. Once again, he checked to see if the halls were clear before calling, "Evans! Hey! E—"

"What!" Lily finally snapped from about ten feet away, clenching her fist around her damp rag so that spots of dirty water leaked onto the floor. James's lips formed a mischievous smirk subconsciously and he dropped down into a sitting position, throwing his cloth aside.

"Er . . ." he lowered his head to the ground and ruffled his hair again, earning an unnoticed glare from Lily. She let out an aggravated sigh and rolled her eyes heavenward. "I forgot," James said after a while. She bit her lip and turned away, eyes flashing dangerously.

"I'm sorry!" said James. "You should've answered me the first time."

"You know," Lily said angrily, pulling her wand out and cleaning her filthy rag. "Somehow, I imagined that the Head Boy and Girl were supposed to keep _out_ of trouble to set a _good example!_ So how I wound up in detention with _you_ is beyond me—"

"My dear Evans, you're an intelligent woman. I though it was obvious. You see, I brought myself into a predicament, pulled you into it, trapped us both in an empty room after hours, landed us in front of Filch — well, actually, that bit was your fault —"

"You—" Lily began, rising to her feet and grasping the rag to an extent to which James actually felt sorry for it. "I-You-We are the Heads! Have you lost yours! We have a responsibility to set, enforce, and abide by the rules; to make sure no students break our laws and defy our word; to keep the Prefects in line; to make it so that no erroneous judgments are made about us by the time we step foot out of this castle; to live up to the Heads' reputation; to-to leave a positive imprint of our names in Hogwarts! Not to go causing uproars and mayhem all over the school and bring all of our professors and classmates into a state of distress like some wild and-and ravaging baboons!"

Her face was pure scarlet by the time she finished. James stared, blinking, trying desperately to interpret all of what she had just said, but his mind lost her at 'to keep the Prefects in line'. How anyone could come up with all that in almost one breath escaped him. What was more, how could they _possibly_ expect _anyone_ to comprehend it?

"You know, with this sudden outbreak of. . . well. . . _that_," he waved his hand in a slight rotation as his mind sought for the right word, "it's kind of hard to stand by what I said earlier about you being . . . er . . . . intelligent," he concluded, planting another innocent smile on his lips — one that wreaked pure foulness.

Lily scowled, desperately trying to push the thought of knocking some sense into him away, but she did not respond physically. Instead, she put on her most convincing look of cold carelessness and said, "I'm a little surprised to hear that coming from you," in the most casual tone she could muster, and it was pulled off perfectly. James paused for a moment, trying to think that over.

"You know," he began, waving a finger in the air now, "it only took me two seconds to realize what that meant. New record, I think."

If Lily had taken a sip of something, it'd be all over the trophy she was polishing. Instead, she let out a mocking snort.

"Marvelous accomplishment, Potter. Truly magnificent," she said snappishly, but James merely smiled and bowed.

"Thank you, my dear Hea—"

"Oh shut up!" she yelled, throwing her wet rag at him.

James jumped back and yelped, "Oi! Evans, I'm beginning to think you enjoy causing me bodily harm."

"I guess I should be happy you're beginning to think at all," Lily muttered darkly, leaning forward and retrieving her heavy and damp rag. He smiled absently again and continued with his work.

After a few more uncomfortably silent minutes, echoed footsteps reached their ears. Students' voices were being carried through the hall. They were talking excitedly. James sighed and moved onto the last award. He knew where they going — a spectacular Halloween feast.

He cleaned his rag and brought it up to the plaque, but his hand stopped in midair as soon as his eyes caught sight of the name imprinted between several others'.

**J A M E S **

**P O T T E R **

1972

Another grin took hold of his exhausted frown. He completely forgot about his Quidditch position in his second and third years. Not all too surprisingly, this was the only plaque that was left unharmed. He laughed silently to himself, but Lily heard and looked over at him. She saw his eyes fixed on a particular award and got to her feet. Bending down over his right shoulder, she read the inscription silently to herself.

James noticed her lips twitch from the corner of his eye and looked up. A hearty smile was planted on her lips. He could feel his mouth hang open stupidly, but his mind was running through the thought of Lily Evans smiling at one of his, James Potter's, accomplishments.

"I miss those times," she said silently. "You were terrible then too, hitting on every girl that crossed your path, but your pranks were mild, and I took for granted how much worse you would become in your later years," she added a little darkly, and her reminiscing smile turned into a dark scowl. She dropped her rag in the bucket, snatched James's and did the same, and then headed toward Slughorn's office, carrying it and its dirty contents in her left hand. James barely had a chance to protest her sudden accusation by the time the office door slammed shut behind her. Something in her eyes turned colder when she made the reference to his flirting habits.

Finally, finding his voice, he yelled out, "I don't do that anymore!" to the empty hallway.

"Do what?"

James let out a surprised yelp and nearly jumped a foot in the air. He spun around, holding his hand to his heart as Sirius stood against the wall, just three inches away.

"You come at the worst times, d'you know that?" James said angrily, turning around to start making his way to one of the deserted stairways. Sirius trailed closely behind.

"I've been told," he said with a smirk. "The plan was a success. I snuck into the Slytherin common room after my detention with Dausly—"

James, who had felt his heart drop at the mention of the Marauders' most recent prank, suddenly found himself wondering how on earth Sirius had managed to get out of detention that fast.

"How did you—?"

"It's me, mate," Sirius replied at once, reaching into his pocket. "I've written lines so many times, it's become a bit of a daily necessity. Not to mention that Auto-Quill does wonders; just pretend to have your nose planted in your work while it writes everything for you. Anyway, I see you and Evans enjoyed your little get-together."

He held up a square mirror and smiled deviously.

James paled and, on reflex, his mind began to search for any embarrassing moments that might give Sirius reasons to laugh with his fellow Gryffindors later that night. However, nothing came to mind.

"I enjoy every second of Evans's company," he replied nonchalantly, though he couldn't suppress a smirk that Sirius returned with a laugh.

"Then I suppose you just use _Muffliato_ on yourself whenever she's speaking."

"Shut up," said James. "_I_ happen to like when Evans is speaking about . . . er, Head duties and rules, and, er . . . whatever other nonsense she mentioned to me earlier."

Sirius let out a bark-like laugh as they descended the steps and made their way to the Great Hall. Students were all chatting merrily at the entrance, eagerly awaiting the moment they could plunge into the sweets.

As soon as the two Marauders stepped inside, they were greeted by a striking visualization of orange and black ornaments. Small pumpkins lining the higher windows were emitting a stunning yellow glow that reflected marvelously against the ceiling's image. Many larger pumpkins, each accompanied with a candle from within, were placed around the floor. Skeletal patterns were lining the wall, along with photographs of moving vampires, witches, wizards, and several nasty-looking creatures.

Along the tables were gold dishes, accompanied with the usual utensils, napkins, and goblets. Students were already seated; a group of Hufflepuffs were chatting fervently. Two or three Slytherins were sniggering at the sight of James's bandaged forehead and he and Sirius smiled back wickedly. The sneers slid off the others' faces and they returned to whispering amongst themselves.

"I can't wait for the other Slytherins to arrive. They'll be getting a nasty little surprise," Sirius said to James, who forced an awkward looking smile. Sirius noticed and asked, "You all right, Prongs?"

"Yeah," James lied, "Just feeling a bit lightheaded. Probably from that Bludger incident."

His friend's next few words never reached him. He spotted Lily chatting along the Gryffindor table with another girl. His stomach gave an uneasy lurch as he recalled her previous words: _"I miss those times . . . your pranks were mild, and I took for granted how much worse you would become in your later years."_

What was wrong with his pranks? He was just having a little fun. Somehow, when the word entered his mind, he felt another bit of uneasiness. Was it fun to feel this way? He cared for Lily more than anyone realized — even himself until now —, but she didn't even spare him the time of day. As much as pulling pranks meant to a Marauder, he couldn't help but feel the urge to push it aside and see if she'd notice.

"How was detention?" Peter asked as James and Sirius took their seats between him and Remus.

"It was lovely," James replied sarcastically, glancing around the table to see if any food had appeared. Unfortunately, that wouldn't happen until Dumbledore made his little celebratory speech.

"I meant with Lily. How did things go with Lily?" he revised. Once again, James could feel his face burning up as that idiotic smile appeared. Remus and Sirius laughed at his reaction.

"New look, Prongs?" Remus asked. "I can assure you, it won't charm the ladies."

"Shove off, Moony," James grumbled, but he couldn't fight that smile. There was only one lady he wanted. Without thinking, he looked up at Lily. She was sitting in the same spot as that morning, across from them and a few seats down, facing them at an angle to talk to the girl beside her, whose back was to the Marauders. Lily's eyes turned to him, and he felt that stupid smile grow wider. Immediately, he looked down at his plate, but he could've sworn he saw her lips twitch again before he averted her gaze.

"Welcome, welcome!" Dumbledore's voice boomed over all of them as he rose to his feet. At once, the murmuring ceased, and all eyes were on him. "As you all know, tonight we are celebrating a special holiday for us 'magic folk'. For those of you who have picked up a Muggle folklore novel recently, you will know that we are portrayed as cruel, vile creatures with abnormally large noses and hideous features who ride across the moon on a broomstick with a black cat, who brew evil poisons in cauldrons and feed them to the innocent. I do hope none of us ever lives up to these . . . ah, assumptions. With the darkness taking form in our world as we speak, I strongly implore you all to keep your purity of heart. Together, we all can fight this evil—"

Dumbledore's words became distant as James's head turned, without his acknowledgement, to the Slytherin table. Amid the soft shuffling movements around him, he could tell he was not the only one. Many eyes were now narrowed reproachfully and accusingly at the terribly hidden sneers on the Slytherin House's students.

Without warning, an outbreak of applause rang through the Great Hall, and James was pulled unexpectedly from his averted attention. He, too, began clapping, along with the several other scattered students who had been staring at the Slytherins.

Hoards of appetizing foods began to appear on the large dishes set across the tables. In the smaller bowls beside them, ice creams, puddings, treacle tarts, candy corn, lollipops, chips, Pumpkin Pasties, Chocolate Frogs, Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans, Cauldron Cakes, and dozens of different varieties of desserts appeared. At once, the students wasted no time in grabbing the food nearest them.

Sirius grabbed a handful of candy corn and raised it high above his head.

"To celebrate the lovely events to come," he said, tossing a few in the air over the other three and shoving the rest into his mouth. Lily's eyes narrowed threateningly and she abandoned the wavy-haired brunette she had been talking to.

"And what exactly does that mean?" she said, causing Sirius to choke on his candies.

He gagged for a few seconds, swallowed, and then cleared his throat. James smiled mischievously and said, "My dear Evans, why do you always assume we're up to something?"

"Can't we simply look to the future with positive eyes?" Sirius added innocently. Lily snorted and leaned across her friend.

"Your eyes are black, Black. The way your reckless deeds are going, I'd be surprised if you even had them open half the time."

Not paying attention to any bit of her second sentence, Sirius pulled out his two-way mirror and examined himself for any unexpected changes.

"Evans, my eyes are gray—"

Before he could finish his statement, she turned away and stared straight at Remus, who was just about to take a bite out of his chicken leg. He caught her eyes and then, mouth still open, looked at his fellow Marauders on the left. They all inclined their heads, each wearing the same look that read _'Make something up, now!' _

"I-I have no idea what they're talking about, Lily," he said matter-of-factly, putting his food back into his plate and giving himself an excuse to avoid her gaze. "Honestly, I don't."

Lily didn't seem satisfied with this answer. She turned back to James and Sirius and said, "You're lying."

The two passed identical expressions of offence.

"Evans—"

"Don't you dare try to talk your way out of this, Potter," Lily warned, leaning closer (her friend was so far back on her seat, she seemed as if she was going to fall off). "I, unlike _some_, have _earned_ my title as a Head—" (Sirius seemed ready to add, "And a very big one you've got," but decided against it and closed his mouth before she could round on him) "—and I have learned, after _many_ painfully dreadful years with you, how to sort out the liars. And you, Head _Boy_, are a liar!"

James's jaw dropped and he placed his hand to his chest. After a few useless stutters, he closed his mouth again and glanced at Sirius, who simply rolled his eyes and began picking at his food.

Sighing angrily, both Marauder's muttered, "Women," and returned to the feast.

Lily continued to scowl at them, as if they would do something completely irresponsible if she turned away. Her friend, Mierra, sighed and continued talking to her. She muttered "Uh huh," and "Yeah" every now and then, but after a few useless attempts, Mierra turned away muttering something about "obsessive titles".

"I'm sorry," Lily said finally, after making sure the Marauder's were doing nothing wrong. "It's just, I don't trust those two. You know how they are — always causing trouble and going about their misdeeds as if they've just won a year supply of Chocolate Frogs."

James lifted his head slightly to eavesdrop on the girls' conversation. Sirius noticed and shot a glance at them as well.

"Of course I know," Mierra replied, hiding her wavy brown hair behind her ear. "I got a full blast of that jar of salamander toes and cockroaches in fourth year that was meant for Snape." She shuddered slightly and pulled her hair close as if afraid it might fall off at any minute after that distressing experience.

Lily stabbed her baked potato and sighed.

"They're planning something for the Slytherins, I can feel it. It's always them. And I will admit, they're a terrible group, especially after that last match, but it bothers me, nonetheless. I wouldn't be at all surprised if they're sorting out which hex to use on whom right now—"

"That's not true," James blurted defensively, causing the murmuring girls to jump in surprise. Sirius turned to him with a look of utmost horror, but James continued, "Where's the fun if you're not going to improvise every once in a while?"

Sirius could only glare at his fellow Marauder for his stroke of stupidity.

"Then you'd best be on your guard," Lily warned coolly, rising from her seat. Both James and Mierra looked up at her questioningly. "I'm going to lie down," she informed the latter. Shooting a quick glare at James, she swung one leg over the bench, but stopped abruptly when a mind-shattering _BANG!_ swept through the castle.

The students all shrieked and jumped up as the floor vibrated beneath them. Lily gasped and fell forward; James made an attempt to grab her, but Mierra beat him to it.

Hundreds of feet were flying off the floor as students stood up on the benches. The professors were on their feet, running along the four House tables, trying to calm them. There was another series of explosions and several teachers stumbled as another vibration swept through the Great Hall.

Sirius, Peter, James, and Remus all got to their feet, laughing. Fortunately, the commotion of the frightened witches and wizards around them drowned out their contrasting amusement.

However, another _bang_ later, and the doors to the entrance flew open. The noise of the crowd seemed almost silent in comparison to a thunderous and nearly deafening roar from the Slytherin table. Another minute later, Lily was dragging James down the Hall by the hair.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_Ooh, he's in trouble. Heh, big surprise there. Hmmm, next chapter should be A LOT of fun to write. _

_Please review, the motivation does wonders! More reviews earns quicker updates_


	4. In The Depths Of The Lake

_Chapter 4 has arrived, as you can very well see. Short summaries of the upcoming chapter can be found in my profile._

Many thanks to my reviewers:

**Kybo: **_LoL, they got payback for that foul match. The Slytherins won't be laughing . . ._

**Purrbaby101:**_ It thrills me to know you enjoy my little references to the Quidditch plaque, James's realization towards Lily's wants, and etc. No, the other significant character is not Slughorn — think a little smaller. It's all in this chapter, if you can just remember a piece of Half-Blood Prince._

**Squashes: **_Thank you It's always fun to see James at the mercy of his own hair. Well, technically, he's at the mercy of Lily, but anyway . . . Sirius is fun to write. He's the devious one who doesn't have contemplations of trying to impress a girl constantly on his mind, so his pranking knows no bounds._

**Erica:**_ Madam Pomphrey should be given a little credit; she works wonders. Now the Slytherins won't be too lucky. Heh heh heh . . . _

**WeasleyWannabe:**_ Good, Ivy, you're learning. Keep it up Tibumiga! And O'Neill is spelled with TWO L's for "Lover of Latin." Remember that! LoL, he's cool, though. And he is not a girl! _

**RandomObsessivePsychoFangirl:**_ Yes, Lily is learning how to control Mr. James Potter. Shocking ;) Let's just say the Marauders weren't too happy about the Quidditch match, so they got even._

**Kluvhp:**_ Oops, apparently my proofreading's not that great. Thank you very much for pointing that out. I appreciate it and please, feel free to be as meticulous as you want. Also, offense and offence are both very similar, but offence is more of a sign of indignation, so I used that one. Thank you though. Please let me know if I made any more mistakes. _

_Last chapter left off with Lily running out of the Great Hall dragging James by the hair and a nasty prank on the Slytherins._

- - - - - - - - - -

**Crude Irony**

Chapt 4 – In The Depths of The Lake

"Dear _Merlin_, Evans! That hurts!" breathed James, struggling desperately to pry her fingers from his hair.

Lily said nothing, but kept a firm grip on him until they were far from the entrance of the Great Hall. Then, coming to an abrupt halt, she released him and turned around, glaring furiously.

"What did you and your _idiot_ friends do?" she demanded, before quickly adding, "Except for Remus."

James seemed highly offended by that exception. "Gee, Evans, why not just snog him here and now," he said bitterly, but Lily's scowl only deepened.

"I have no time _or_ patience for your banters, Potter. What was it tha—?"

But before she could finish, a loud screech made both of them cringe, pressing their palms to their ears. The sound of an explosion caught their ears; James laughed heartily. Someone's dinner evidently had blown up in their face. He forced an innocent expression as he turned back to Lily, but she was already marching past him.

Upon seeing an enlarged, ink-squirting quill whiz by, he pulled her out of the way and they both fell to the floor.

"What are you doing?" she snapped, angrily getting to her feet.

"Let's take a wild guess there," James retorted in the same snappish tone as he, too, stood up, but something hard collided with the right side of his head and he nearly fell back down. Fortunately, the bandages prevented the collision from doing him harm. The barking textbook that hit him was now following the quill and several other animated school items (including a broom that had taken to swinging at passing students — a fact made worse due to its tail having been set aflame) into the Great Hall. For a moment, both Heads stared at the large doors, oblivious to the noise within.

Then, suddenly, they flew open and a crowd of stumbling Slytherins darted out, screaming loud enough to have been heard six floors up. Many portraits abandoned what they were doing to look down at them. The older students were shoving first, second, and third years back so that they could get through.

James and Lily jumped back against the wall as the stampede of black, green, and silver raced past, dispersing in all different directions. Some ran upstairs, others down, and the remaining few just turned to different corridors.

Lily turned to James, who looked down at her, both utterly bewildered. And then, as if on cue, three sets of cauldrons darted out of the Great Hall after the retreating group, spitting nastily colored fluids at them. Another flash later, and they fell limply to the floor as Dumbledore calmly strode after them.

The Slytherins' cries grew louder as the ones upstairs ran back down and, likewise, the ones downstairs took off back into the Entrance Hall. The two crowds collided and began shoving past each other.

James couldn't help but drop to his knees in laughter. Hundreds of sparking magical items were chasing the frantic students; small, large, luminous, biting, roaring, whistling, exploding, all various shapes and forms.

Within a matter of seconds, bits of torn cloaks and ties were scattered in patterns in the air. Extremely livid-looking, disheveled Slytherin students were hastily trying to escape. The rest of the Houses were rushing out into the Entrance Hall to see what was happening. Professors were barking out orders, though their voices were easily drowned out by the rest of the commotion. James saw his three fellow Marauders sneaking out of the crowd and heading toward one of the staircases.

"Come on," Lily urged, pulling on his sleeve as she trotted forward. For a second, James tried to pull back, thinking she was following his friends, but his attempts of resistance ceased automatically when she headed for a different staircase.

He looked up and saw Sirius' cloak billowing behind him as he made his way up to the fourth floor. Lily, however, stopped on the third floor after spotting a pair of bewitched trainers running through the air, kicking a Slytherin in his attempts at escape.

"_Reducto!_" she cried, pulling her wand out and aiming it at the shoes. In a flash of blue light, they fell to the floor, burned and torn.

James recognized the boy immediately as Bertram Aubrey. He looked up and noticed Sirius had stopped running and was now leaning over the stair banister casually. His humorous look hardened tremendously at the sight of Aubrey.

"Do something!" Lily said to James, who pulled out his wand without another word. She turned back to face Aubrey and said, "Get down to the Entra—"

Another flash later, and Lily was spiraling in the air twice before she landed on her side, gasping. James's hazel eyes darkened furiously as his face contorted with rage at the sight of the fallen Head Girl. Blood was trailing down her right cheek, but she was already sitting up, ready to get to her feet.

Without a second's hesitation, James's wand arm shot up into the air as he turned back to the furious Slytherin. Aubrey, who had been stowing his wand away, noticed the approaching Marauder and took it out again. Sirius jumped over the banister and landed gracefully beside James. Straightening himself, he pulled out his wand and strode forward beside his friend.

Another second later, a white flash of light took hold of the scene, swallowing all of their surroundings. Aubrey's startled scream echoed against the walls and his wand fell to the floor. He landed on his back several feet behind it.

"Potter! Black!" Lily yelled, rising to her feet. The two Marauders ignored her and continued forward to finish their fallen rival, but she yelled, "_IMPEDIMENTA!_"

Both James and Sirius jolted forward and landed face-first against the cold stone floor. Their wands fell beside them, but they recovered from the shock immediately and a look of rage set upon their handsome features once more. However, Lily's spell managed to hold them in place long enough for Aubrey to escape before she could reach him. His arms were holding his head, which was now nearly double its original size.

"Twenty points from Slytherin!" she yelled before turning her attention to the struggling Marauders on the floor by her feet. "And fifty from Gryffindor for your little prank, as well as a detention to both of you."

"He-He attacked you!" Sirius said through clenched teeth as control of his body slowly started returning to him.

"It is not your place to assault a student, Black. I appreciate your assistance, but next time, leave it to me to assign the punishments. When I catch him, he'll be receiving a week's worth of detention."

James got back to his feet, panting heavily with his wand in hand. "He'll be receiving _at least_ a month of cleaning after Peeves for that stunt," he said savagely, looking as if he was deciding on whether to chase after Aubrey or settle for the jinx they had cast on him.

"A month's too much, Potter. A week will be fine."

"I'm Head Boy!" James snarled, decisively following after her as she descended the stairs. "I have just as much power as you do!"

"Yes, you do," Lily said coldly, stopping to look back at him. "But you use that power irresponsibly—"

"He attacked you!" James yelled, gesturing toward her cheek. She turned away and continued walking.

"Be that as it may, I still manage to keep my emotions under control."

"Oh, forgive us for caring about you, then," James snapped bitterly, but Lily ignored him as she reached the last step before heading back into the Entrance Hall, where most of the Slytherin students were gathered. Teachers were confiscating the remnants of the Marauders' destroyed enchantments. Lily met up with them shortly.

Neither Sirius nor James seemed to be enjoying the prank anymore. Both stared bitterly at the panicking students with their fists clenched tightly around their wands.

_"Evanesco!_" Professor McGonagall said with a flick of her wand. The last two objects disappeared and she pocketed the wand, striding toward them both. "My office, now."

Shooting one last glance at each other, James and Sirius turned their backs on her and made their way to her office.

McGonagall slammed the door behind them, barked, "Sit," and made her way to the opposite end of her desk. James and Sirius sat down, both staring at the floor, and she leaned forward, palms pressing against the desk's surface, to stare at them.

"Well? You've had enough trips to my office to know perfectly well what to do. Go on, one of you," she demanded. Sirius lifted his head to meet her gaze.

"You already know it was us," he muttered darkly. "Just get on with the detentions, Professor."

"We'll save that for later," Professor McGonagall said, holding out a tin can of biscuits. Sirius shook his head and James kept his eyes on the floor. She slammed it back down on her desk and said, "I want to know the reason behind this foolishness!"

At this, James's head shot up and he rose to his feet, pointing to his bandaged forehead.

"I was hit in the head with a Bludger, attacked relentlessly by Trent and Goyle, hit again in the back, and fell to the ground from a forty foot drop. I know you saw it, Professor!" he said, trying his best to sound polite, but his anger was easily overpowering his attempt at respect. "It was all planned by that stupid Slytherin gr—"

"I do not deny," McGonagall began loudly to silence him, "that the Slytherins' foul play was not a mere accident. I'm sure no one does, but why you four—" (James and Sirius exchanged nervous glances; apparently, Remus and Peter were in thick water as well) "—took it upon yourselves to deal with that is beyond me! We have professors in this school who are more than ready to situate strict punishments for such abhorrent behavior. Do not degrade yourselves to _their_ level. You have brought disgrace upon this House—"

"With all due respect, Professor," Sirius interrupted, "I doubt we'll be hated much for our actions to—"

"Silence yourself, Black. I am in no mood to be tempered with. You and Mr. Potter will be serving Ms. Evans' detention with me tonight—"

"Tonight?" Sirius and James exclaimed at once. "But Pro—"

"Tonight!" McGonagall repeated. "You are to wash, by hand, all of Slytherin's filthy laundry, seeing as it is your fault they're all dirty."

James and Sirius passed looks of sheer horror and backed away from her instinctively, as if she was handing them a death sentence.

"Hand over your wands," she said, reaching her hand out before them.

"_What?_" said Sirius.

"You heard me! I don't want to find the Slytherins' robes shrunken, torn, burned, hexed, or whatever else you two are capable of doing. And you can tell Mr. Lupin and Mr. Pettigrew that they'll be joining me tomorrow in the afternoon for their punishment. Disgraceful, a Prefect and Head Boy behaving in such a way. You two ought to be ashamed of yourselves!"

She looked from James to Sirius, as if he would make up for Remus' absence. Grudgingly, both Marauders pulled out their wands and dropped it into McGonagall's hand, for the first time in living memory fearing the consequence of their actions.

- - - - - - - - - - -

They returned to the common room three hours later, each looking as though they had endured three years' worth of the Cruciatus Curse. Remus and Peter were sitting by the fire, both looking very exhausted. At the sight of their accomplices, they rose at once and ran to greet them.

"What happened?" Remus asked at once. "What did she do to you?"

"I heard you had to clean the entire third floor," Peter added, earning a nonplussed look from Sirius.

He sat down and said, "I might just have to clean your ears out then," pulling out his returned wand. Peter paled and stepped behind James, who looked ready to fall on the spot and start snoring.

"I can't believe it! We tried to help her and she goes and lands us in detention!" Sirius barked, sinking further into the armchair Remus had abandoned earlier. "You have some taste in girls, mate," he added bitterly to James, who fell into the chair next to him, lying across it so that his head was on one armrest and his knees were hanging over the other.

"It wasn't her fault," he muttered feebly. "If Evans hadn't given us that detention for Aubrey, McGonagall would've given us about a year's worth for that little prank in the Slytherin common room."

"I'd rather have that than spend a night cleaning their filth by _hand_!"

"Really? You'd prefer a year over a night?" James retorted. Sirius had no reply and sank lower. Remus sighed and stepped between the two.

"I think I might know what will cheer you up," he said with a smile. Sirius' head shot up in alarm and James flipped to the side so that he was looking upright at him, both panic-stricken. Remus cleared his throat and sat down beside them.

"Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hoggy Warty Hogwarts,

Teach us something, please . . ."

"Oh no!" said Sirius, as he jumped to his feet and headed for the boys' dormitories, but James pulled him back and continued with Remus.

"Whether we be old and bald

Or young with scabby knees—"

"Our heads could do with filling

With some interesting stuff," Peter chimed in.

"For now they're bare and full of air,

Dead flies and bits of fluff,

So teach us things worth knowing . . ."

James nudged Sirius, whose frown deepened as the three continued.

"Bring back what we've forgot,

Just do your best, we'll do the rest,

And learn until our brains all rot!"

"Too late," Sirius muttered as he made another attempt at escape, but James wrapped an arm over his shoulder and pulled him back. They began again:

"Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hoggy Warty Hogwarts,

Teach us something, please!"

Sirius' grimace turned into a smirk and he straightened himself and began to sing along.

"Whether we be old and bald,

Or young with scabby knees,

Our heads could do with filling

With some interesting stuff—"

"_For now they're bare and full of air, _

_Dead flies and bits of fluff_," Lily and Mierra concluded, breaking the Marauders off. The four frowned moodily as the girls walked past them, making their way to the girls' dormitories with a set of silent chuckles.

James, Peter, Sirius, and Remus, who were all standing as if singing Christmas carols, were wearing dark expressions, their eyes simultaneously following the girls' backs.

"Your girlfriend," Sirius said to a sour-looking James, who glared back at him.

"I'm going to wake them up tomorrow with that," he said before retreating to the boys' dormitories, with Sirius, Remus, and Peter following behind.

But as the morning came, James found himself staring at Lily's back when he made his way down the dormitories' steps. She was already in the common room, quill and parchment in hand. A thick textbook was lying open on the table before her. A smirk broke out on his features as he halted in his walk to watch.

The heading of her paper read the words: **Charms Homework: N.E.W.T level/non-verbal charms and their effects**.

"F-I-D-E-L-I-U-S . . ." Lily spelled in a whisper barely audible as she wrote, but James's ears had learned to pick up even the faintest of sounds.

"You can spell — well done!"

Instinctively, he ducked as a bottle of black ink came hurtling toward him, shattering against the wall.

Lily slammed her books shut, gathered her belongings, and walked out of the common room with neither word nor glance at James.

"You overslept, Prongs," Remus said from the armchair at the opposite end of the room. "You missed Dumbledore's speech at breakfast."

James yawned widely and ruffled his hair, slowly making his way toward Remus.

"Wha' wa' i' abou'?" he said, but Remus understood clearly.

"Contacting those outside of Hogwarts. There was another report in the _Prophet_. A family of Muggles had been tortured just last night by a group of Death Eaters. Dumbledore suspects they'll be doing a lot of that over Christmas break. Last night was Halloween; imagine how much it would amuse them to attack the innocent when they're most unsuspecting?"

"Muggles are always unsuspecting," James said, falling into the armchair beside him.

"True, but at least they're vigilant at night, especially on holidays such as Halloween. Truth be told, I'm rather worried about Lily."

James's eyes darted to Remus and he sat up straighter.

"And why is that, Moony?"

"She's Muggle-born," said Remus. "You know how they are —_vicious_. Dumbledore is going out of his way to ensure our safety. He also hinted that pranks would be unwise at a time like this."

James nodded in agreement, though he only did it because of the memory of Lily's words during their detention.

"And he believes it'd be wiser for us to refrain from communicating with owls," Remus continued hesitantly, a little taken aback at James's nod. "That was another issue in the _Prophet_ — owl disappearances. Amelia Bones sent a letter to her parents a week ago. She found out today—"

"I know," James cut him off. He suspected something had happened. Amelia had been going on for days about her worries that she hadn't received a letter in reply. He had heard it many times in the corridors. Even twice, she came to him with tears in her eyes, desperate to know if he had accidentally received a letter from the surname 'Bones'. It was only a matter of time.

"Half the owls in the Owlery have disappeared," Remus said worriedly, "so Dumbledore wants us to communicate through the fires in our Towers. They'll be heavily watched by the Ministry. You and Lily have your own in the Head Tower—"

"We don't use it," James cut him off, clearly disappointed. "She refuses to stay in the same Tower alone with me, so she requested to stay in Gryffindor Tower with her friends. And, since there's no point in being there alone, so did I."

"I see," Remus said, leaning forward in his chair. He stood up and James followed with his eyes. "Well, I'd best be going. McGonagall's going to have my head if she finds out Peter and I are late for our detention."

He made his way past the weary Marauder beside him and swung open the portrait. Then, halting, he turned around once more.

"And James, do try to heed Dumbledore's warnings. Perhaps fewer pranks would ensure a feel of protection amongst the students of Hogwarts. We all know that the wizarding world is going through terribly dark times, so try to keep your jokes mild."

And with that said, Remus disappeared behind the portrait and left James alone in the armchair to contemplate Lily Evans' persistent words.

- - - - - - - - - -

The autumn slowly faded as November came to a close. Lily was deliberately keeping her distance from the Marauders. Over and over again, James had tried to catch her after class, but she ran off before he had a chance. It was unclear to him where she had been going, but the girls in her dormitory refused to say a word — by their realistically convincing arguments, however, it was obvious they didn't know either.

Lily spent breakfasts with Mierra and then ran off somewhere before James even had a chance to talk to her. He checked the library, Gryffindor's common room, the hall outside the Room of Requirement, and the lake beside the old beech tree, but she was nowhere to be found.

If it hadn't been for the fact that they were in Hogwarts, her abnormal periodic absences would have worried him. Even Hogwarts, however, was no longer seeming like the impenetrable fortress he once thought it was. Students and professors alike were showing a great deal of concern. Albus Dumbledore, the wisest and bravest of all, seemed like he was walking within the depths of his own shadow.

It seemed only the Marauders were willing to continue wandering the corridors at any time they pleased — well, James and Sirius anyway. Peter had taken up the habit of hiding under his pillow as a rat whenever he was safe within the dormitory. Remus, on the other hand, went about his Prefect duties as usual, but spent a drastically shorter amount of time in the library. Sirius and James decided to keep out of the common room as of late due to their wolfish friend's constant warnings about safety and "laying low".

Instead, they spent their time planning new schemes in the Room of Requirement. Only two days before, they had managed to enchant Slytherin captain Zanerok's quill so that it wrote obscene comments about him whenever he set it down on parchment. Fortunately, when Lily discovered the foul language written on his work during breakfast, she gave him a cold and cool glare, a detention, and the job of sorting out all of the books in the library for calling her a 'Mudblood' afterwards.

When the first of December arrived, the students were not as merry as had been expected. Frantic murmurs were echoing off the walls of the vast Great Hall. Only the Slytherins went about laughing and talking casually. Truth be told, it took no one by surprise.

"Full moon's approaching," said Remus wearily, staring down at his empty plate and looking somewhat disheveled and green.

"You'll be home by then," Sirius assured, glaring moodily at his own half eaten food. James didn't need to ask what was bothering him.

His younger brother, Regulus, was one of the sniggering Slytherins, talking excitedly about something with two troll-like wizards. James could've sworn he heard the word "Muggle."

"Filthy pillock," Sirius barked, scowling at the boy's back. "The Slytherins have something planned for the holidays, I know that for sure. That git runs his mouth nonstop about it. I'm willing to bet my bike he's in on it."

"I wouldn't be at all surpri — Mierra!" James exclaimed as the brunette stood up, trying to conceal a conjured plate full of food and desserts. She glanced nervously around before making her way out of the Great Hall. James stood up, finally finding his opportune moment to discover where Lily had been going for the past month.

He mumbled a quick "Good-Bye" to his friends and set off after her.

When he reached the Entrance Hall, Mierra was already heading toward the first floor on a flight of stone steps. He contemplated the thought of returning to Gryffindor Tower to grab his Invisibility Cloak and catch up with her later, but decided against it when he recalled that Filch had taken his map. So, instead, he raced after her, trying to keep as quiet as possible.

When she finally reached the West Wing of the sixth floor, she made a right along the corridor and tore out of sight. James hastily followed after her, but decided to stop at the end of the hall to keep a safe distance behind before making any further attempts to trail her.

He leaned against the window and allowed the breeze to ruffle his hair. For a day in December, the weather was pleasantly warm. Patches of sunlight streamed across the dew-covered grass, glistening on the lake's dark surface.

And that's when he spotted a head of thick red hair beside the water. Lily Evans was sitting on the grass, reading an uncharacteristically thin library book. Several Slytherins were sitting behind the old beech tree, suspiciously keeping out of her line of vision.

Scowling furiously, he abandoned Mierra's path and raced back down the steps until he was back in the Entrance Hall.

"Zanerok?" he breathed upon spotting his bulky form among the other three Slytherins: Trent, Aubrey, and Goyle.

James stealthily made his way out onto the grounds and stopped within hearing distance of the four.

"I can't wait. Father's been going on about it relentlessly. The Ministry's completely blind. I'm telling you, the name of Slytherin will rise above all others after that night. No one will dare mess with us," said Trent with a sleazy smirk. "And them Muggles'll be having the time of their lives."

Aubrey and Trent snickered loudly while Zanerok, the only one uninvolved in the conversation, looked up and peeked past the trunk of the tree. He gave Lily's back a dirty look before turning to his mates.

"My dad is in on it," he muttered angrily (James was taken aback at the fact that he was able to form a coherent sentence). "I let 'im know how she jinxed my quill and gave me detention for it. That Mudblood will get it, mark my words. I made sure that they'll be—"

His words disappeared from James's mind as an overwhelming hatred took over, sending his own thoughts astray.

_Mudblood? Filthy scum of the earth are in no position to comment on others' higher worth of blood. _

He could make out Zanerok's sleazy and eager grin as his vision blurred for a split second. A wand was already positioned in Zanerok's thin and filthy fingers as he rose and stepped out from behind the tree. He opened his mouth to mutter a jinx as he approached the unsuspecting girl, but James was already sprinting across the hard ground beneath the tufts of grass, closing the short distance between them.

The three Slytherins that spotted him got to their feet and ran out of the way in panic, while the Slytherin team's captain barely had a chance to lower his wand and turn around.

James's antlers caught the boy between them as he continued dashing forward, pushing Zanerok with his thick head, preventing any escape with his antlers as they neared the lake.

Lily was on her feet, staring wildly at the scene before her. The giant stag galloped gracefully, shoving the boy continually. She dropped her book and took out her wand, aiming it at James with a slight fear written across her usually confident features. As Zanerok bellowed furiously, trying desperately to aim a hex at the stag from his uncomfortable position, she slowly lowered her wand, watching incredulously.

Another hard shove later, and a loud splash reached her ears. A wall of water rose and fell back into the disturbed surface, showering the soaked Snape as he brought his head above the water, coughing.

The stag raised his head proudly and brought his hooves to the ground in a halt. Lily's jaw was hanging open slightly as she glanced back and forth between the two before her.

James turned his head to acknowledge her, winked, and then lowered his nose to the ground. He moved forward and gave her a gentle push in the direction of the castle. She stumbled a little and gasped, staring at his eyes as if though daring herself to believe he had indeed just winked at her.

Then, without another word, she whirled around and took off running, leaving Zanerok, the stag, and her book behind.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_Behold the stag! What shall she do now? And where has she gone? Hmmm, there are still three other Slytherins James has to deal with, and how is he going to fight them as a stag without a wand?_

_Please review! Updates depend on review count. It only takes a few seconds, so please do me the honor of sharing your comments with me. Afharisto!_


	5. Head In The Fire

Thanks to:

**SporkGoddess:** _I didn't see it coming either. LoL, but the idea came to me and I found a way to use that so I went along with it. Thanks a ton for the review!_

**Erica: **_No one saw it coming, apparently. LoL, not even I did. Well, with Lily taking off so quickly, James will have to choose between staying to fight without a wand or going after her. Thanks for taking the time to review!_

**Kybo: **_GASP! You love it:) Wow, that means a lot. Thank you!_

**Squashes: **_Speaking of dramas, Petunia's going to have a fit very soon. Thank you for the review; your comments are always appreciated!_

**RandomObsessivePsychoFangirl:**_ We all want the Slytherins to get their butts kicked to a point of redness, but keep in mind that James is now a stag, so he's wandless against four of them. Hm, what will happen? Read and find out ;)_

**Kluvhp:**_ Finally! Someone notices the reason I wrote of Bertram Aubrey! Congrats to you, my attentive reviewer. I was waiting for someone to realize sooner or later. Very clever! And thank you for all of your wonderful compliments._

- - - - -

_Last chapter left off with James Potter's transformation into a stag before Lily and the Slytherins._

_- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - _

**Crude Irony**

Chapt 5 – Head In The Fire

Lifting his head proudly off the ground, the large stag rounded on the Slytherin in the water. Unsurprisingly, the pallid boy already had his wand out. A green curse erupted from it, but James sprinted out of the way effortlessly.

He didn't pretend, however, that what he had done was a wise decision. He was now outnumbered four to one and was in no position to use a wand.

"_SECTUM—_"

"_Incendio!_"

Zanerok's sleeve caught on fire and he yelped, thrusting it back into the water. James turned around, only to find the tall and slender form of Sirius Black making his way toward him. Sirius nodded with a smile and turned his head back toward the Slytherin boys, strands of black hair falling over his face.

James did not hesitate. He galloped across the grounds, stopping only beside the Whomping Willow to revert back into his human form.

Without giving it the chance to attack, he took off again at breakneck speed, wrestling once more with his feelings.

_Turn around and help your mate! _

_ He can take care of himself. Go after Lily before you can't find her. _

_ Help your friend! _

_ It's either him or Lily. _

_ The girl of your dreams — _

_ —or your best friend. _

Sighing angrily, James came to a halt and turned around. Trent and Goyle were hanging upside down in the air as if an invisible cord had tied itself around their ankles. Nevertheless, they were still struggling, firing aimless spells that, more than once, ended up hitting Zanerok.

Sirius seemed to be dancing on the spot, toying around with the Slytherin Quidditch Captain and silently implying that he could beat him without effort. James laughed heartily and continued back towards the castle.

As he entered the Entrance Hall, he heard footsteps above him. Looking up, he managed to catch a glimpse of fiery red hair ascending on one of the staircases.

"Evans!" he bellowed. "EVANS, wait!"

He darted up the stairs, skipping several on his way. Lily looked over the banister and caught sight of him. Their eyes locked for a split second before she whipped around, hair flowing smoothly behind her. Her pace quickened.

Apparently, where she was heading was a place she did not want him knowing of.

A fleeting thought passed through his head as an arrogant smirk planted itself on his lips. She was heading to the Room of Requirement. Coming to a stop, James took several steady breaths and leaned against the rail. It didn't matter how fast she ran; he had trained as an athlete for years. As long as he knew where she was going, he could catch up with her in an instant.

James looked up on reflex as the footsteps grew distant and jumped away from the rail. Either Lily ran incredibly fast or she did not make her way to the seventh floor.

He dashed up the stairs after her and looked around. Sure enough, she was running along the sixth floor corridor. Exhaling heavily, he sprinted after her. She made a right at the end of the corridor and he, too, took that route, stopping only to glance out the window to check up on Sirius.

After several more minutes, he lost sight of her. Glancing around at the narrow corridor, he checked to see how many different routes she could have taken. Unfortunately, there were three, each of which led to another branch of hallways.

"Darn it, Evans," he whispered, bringing a hand up to his hair and running his fingers along it messily. His palm hit the hard bandages on his forehead and he scowled, suddenly finding himself thinking of very nasty spells he hoped Sirius was performing on the four Slytherins.

Without another second's hesitation, James turned back toward the trail and set off along the passageway, checking to see where each door led. After about five minutes of glancing around, his eyes finally rested upon a vast portrait of a knight on his steed, swinging his sword around impressively. The armored man caught sight of the disheveled boy and quirked a brow.

"Password, young man?" he said severely. James's eyebrow, in turn, kicked up in bafflement.

"To what exactly?" he inquired, examining the portrait as if to find a hint to his answer. And then he recognized it — the Head Tower. His heart's pace quickened rapidly and a smile formed on his disappointed face.

"Er . . . _Potter_?" he asked, knowing at once it was a stupid attempt.

In one swift movement, the Knight brought his sword up and pointed it directly at James, who jumped back on reflex before realizing he was in no harm.

"I-I mean . . . er . . ."

He looked around nervously, wracking his brains for the password they had set a while ago before realizing they hadn't. Both had decided to sleep in Gryffindor Tower.

If Lily was behind the portrait, she must've received the password from McGonagall some time back.

"I'm Head Boy," he said lamely, pointing to his badge. The Knight raised his head high and brought out his chest, apparently trying to intimidate him. James could've sworn he heard a silent snort.

"No password, no entry. That is how it is. Do not anger me, young man."

"Of course, because I'm under the threat that you'll jump out and stab me," James retorted bitterly. "Where is Sirius' knife?" he muttered, reaching into his pockets.

_In the common room. _

"Right," he muttered under his breath. "Look, I—"

"I do not care for excuses," the Knight replied, brandishing his sword through the air once again. "If you are the Heady Boy, you will do well to retrieve the password from a member of the staff. Until you do so, I—"

"There would be no point, Brocas," another voice chimed in. James spun around and both pairs of eyes rested on a much smaller portrait of a plump old man sitting in an armchair by a small table. A wine glass was resting between his fingers. He turned small blue eyes upon James and said kindly, "The Head Girl just changed the password before entering. You'll have to get it from her later or change it yourself."

Brocas shot a glare at the chubby man and said loudly, "Only Heads are allowed to change the—"

"I am a Head!" James said angrily, advancing on the Knight. His black stallion snorted menacingly and stomped his hooves against the dirt. As the _thuds_ reached his ears, an idea formed in James's mind. He looked around to make sure no one was eavesdropping before turning his attention back at Brocas and saying, "_Stag_."

For a second, Brocas seemed baffled. Then, catching on to James's impatient look, he said, "Was that your attempt at the password? Foolish boy, do you honestly think she'd make it that simple?"

James sighed angrily and looked back at the second portrait. The old man looked away, clearly not wanting to let any hints slip.

"Evans!" James barked, slamming against Brocas' portrait with his fist. The Knight bellowed furiously and slashed his sword at James, but it did not reach him. "Evans, open up!"

"Dear, dear," the old man said nervously at the scene before him. He glanced around frantically. James pounded against the portrait, but he received no reply. Did she have her head in the fire or something?

"It's in Latin!" the pudgy man blurted to cease James' furious banging. Brocas shook his head, seeming for a moment as if he was going to fall off his horse.

"Latin?" James repeated heatedly, turning his attention towards the second portrait. "I don't know Latin!"

Before the Knight had a chance to pull himself together, the old man mouthed '_Cervus_'. James shot him a nonplussed look and spun around at the sound of a large grunt.

"Outrageous—!"

"_Service?_" James tried, mentally slapping himself for it shortly after.

"What—? No! Portly, keep your mouth shut!" he bellowed to the portrait behind James. The old man, who had made a sound that sounded a lot like the letter K, turned away immediately and began twirling his wine glass between his fingers.

"Er — _Cervus_?" James attempted once more. To his surprise, however, Brocas turned grey eyes upon him and huffed angrily. The portrait swung open and he dashed inside.

"E—"

He froze at the sight of the room's fire. Lily Evans' head was, indeed, hidden within it. She was on her hands and knees speaking to someone.

"It seems to me he's about as stiff as she is when it comes to anything of a different nature than what she's used to," she said, though he had to strain his ears to hear her above the fire's cackling. There was a five second pause before she added, "I'm sorry, but you know how she is. I expect she'll be hoping I'll get myself lost on the way home for Christmas—"

She was cut off, but James couldn't hear why. He noticed a desk and several armchairs (as well as a few wooden ones) on the opposite side of her and carefully made his way toward them, hoping to place the book there and listen in.

Lily sighed and shifted a little to the left to get into a more comfortable position. Unfortunately, she hit James's foot just as he was about to step around her and he ended up falling into her.

She shrieked and pulled her head out of the fire long enough to throw him a look. Before the connection could be lost, she quickly returned to her conversation, making sure to kick him in the chest before he could get up.

"Sorry, Mum, the _dear Head Boy_ just tripped over me," she said bitterly, clearly furious that he had found her. James scrambled to his feet and set the book down on the table, noticing the plate of food Mierra had retrieved from the Great Hall as well.

"No!" she yelled. Then, quickly lowering her voice, she whispered, "Mum, no! I — no! Aargh! Potter!"

He turned around, but her head was still in the fire. She titled it slightly to face him.

"Potter, come here."

Making sure he was the only Potter in the room, James hurried over and knelt down beside her. She grabbed the neck of his robes and pulled his head into the fire.

The scene changed drastically to a lightly colored sitting room with several family portraits and comfortable looking sofas. A middle aged couple was occupying one of them. A woman with blue eyes and striking red hair sat before him. Beside her was a taller man with graying brown hair and bright green eyes. The two were wearing Muggle attire. The man leaned closer and narrowed his eyes to examine James's face while Mrs. Evans let out a loud gasp.

"Lily! Why didn't you tell us he was such a charming young man?" Her eyes shifted from James's face to Lily's, giving her a look that clearly revealed that Lily had described his features contradictory to her mother's views. "Oh, we've heard so many _wonderful_ things about you," Mrs. Evans said kindly.

Mr. Evans' eyes widened as he turned to his wife disbelievingly, but then, catching himself, he quickly put on a warming smile.

James wanted to laugh, but thought it'd be rude so he bit it back and covered it up with a smile. _Wonderful_ things . . . apparently, the terms 'toerag', 'obnoxious', 'abhorrent', 'arrogant', 'conceited jerk', and 'egotistic baboon' had different meanings to Muggles.

Lily's bewildered expression magnified her father's. Her stutters suggested she was at a loss for words; her mother took that to her advantage and continued.

"So, this is the Head Boy we've heard so much about? I can definitely see why Lily was so excited this summer—"

"Mum!" Lily practically shrieked, causing James and her father to jump slightly. She looked utterly dumbfounded at her mother's use of the word 'excited'. Mrs. Evans gave her a warning look that read '_be nice_' before turning back to James.

"Oh dear, what happened to your head, Mr. Potter?" she asked kindly, blue eyes focusing on his bandages. Mr. Evans and Lily looked at him as well. James's face heated slightly — he didn't know whether that was the result of the fire or his own embarrassment.

"Er, feel free to call me James, Mrs. Evans," he replied. "And don't worry about this. Just a little Quidditch accident."

_Little . . . _

Lily's seemed to be thinking the same thing; her eyebrows shot upward before she turned her eyes to the crumpling logs within the fireplace.

"Quidditch? Isn't that the sport you mentioned, Lily?" Mr. Evans asked his daughter. Her gaze slowly turned back to him as she muttered a quick "Yeah".

"For the egotistic baboons," James whispered to her, earning himself an elbow to the ribs.

"You seem like a lovely boy, James," Mrs. Evans said sweetly, giving Lily a stern look before the girl could comment on that. "I'd love to get to know you better, seeing as you're the boy who was good enough to make it to the title of Head Boy. If it's all right with your parents, how would you like to come spend the Christmas vacation with us?"

A smile worthy of suspicion passed her lips as she finished. All three remaining jaws practically dropped to the floor. As was expected, Lily was the first to recover. The word had just entered James's mind when she shrieked:

"WHAT!"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_Christmas with Potter. You can only imagine how fun that will be. Aha, and it gets worse . . . and that's all Lily's doing. Ooh, what will Petunia say when she meets the "oh-so-mannered" James Potter? Throw in a box of Bertie Beans and it will get VERY ugly._

Chapter 6: James Potter pays a visit to the Evans' for the holidays, but no good can come when a wizard prankster meets a snappish Petunia Evans and her new boyfriend.

_Reviews would be wonderful! It takes you ten seconds . . . about 1/7200 of the time it takes me to write this. And it's a great confidence boost to the author. . . . . Ugh, I just did math. On a weekend._


	6. The Normal And Abnormal

_It lives! Wow, I am TERRIBLY SORRY for the delayed update. I was planning on having this up early December, but that didn't work out too well. School had me busy, and then Christmas shopping, visits to people's houses, etc. Okay, enough excuses. Chapter 6 of Crude Irony is here. It may not be the most interesting chapter, but it foreshadows events that will definitely build up to the climax of the story. And lets not forget. Petunia and James become acquainted. I'm definitely looking forward to writing more about that. _

Anyway, MANY thanks to:

**Erica: **_Thanks :). My sincerest apologies for the long update!_

**HeyLookTheSnitch:**_ Thank you so much. Your review really helped my confidence. Please forgive me for the incredibly long update._

**Squashes:**_ Ha, Christmas with Lily and James. Ooh, that calls for a lot of interesting events. Let's not forget dear Petunia. :D Poor James, he's going to find out that hanging with Lily's family isn't as easy as he'd thought. _

**Kybo:**_ LoL, everyone seems to be interested in seeing what'll happen when James meets the Evans family. I can assure you, it won't be what he was expecting. _

**Didi:**_ WOW! Your review has definitely made me joyful. "Perfect", "One of the best". You sure know how make a writer happy. Thank you! Oh, and please forgive me for the delayed update. School's got me working like crazy. Too many projects . . ._

**gjcoolio:**_ Where to begin? Okay, first, thank you so much! Your comments were incredible. I'm glad you got hooked on this and it's good to know this ff's been making you seem like a maniac around your brother :) I promised you a December update, so here it is (even though it is about 13 days late). LoL. Enjoy!_

**RandomObsessivePsychoFangirl:**_ LoL, yes, it will be a VERY interesting vacation. Probably not a very good one though. James is about to find out that hanging around Lily Evans is not exactly as easy as he thought. But I won't give it all away. Thank you for bringing joy to my heart with your wonderful comments!_

**Kluvhp:** _Ah, that is so like James. Keep in mind though, he injured his head during Quidditch, so he could've been seeing more of everything. Anyway, I have the plan for this lovely vacation already, and I can assure you it will be a little . . . eh . . . hectic. :D_

_- - - - _

_Last chapter left off with Mrs. Evans inviting James to stay for the holidays, but what exactly is she up to? Lily's definitely not taking the news too well._

_- - - - - - - - - _

**Crude Irony **

Chapt 6 – The Normal And Abnormal

Lily had kept silent as far as Christmas break was concerned. She seemed to put all of her effort into straying as far away from the topic as possible whenever James pestered her about it.

Things only grew worse when he informed her he was able to accompany her family for the holidays.

Sirius had lost his celebratory cheer when James announced the Evans' kind proposal to him.

"You mean I'm to spend Christmas with—"

He couldn't bring himself to say "Mother".

"Don't worry, mate, I'll work it all out . . . just as soon as Evans starts talking to me again."

He looked across the Gryffindor table at breakfast to spot Lily and, to his astonishment, found her eyes staring directly at him, though in scorning contempt.

The days drew colder as the fifteenth of December drew near. More than once, Remus suggested that he speak to Lily about their plans to meet up. And more than once, James made an excuse to get out of having to upset the "fiery beast" within her.

"She'll talk to me when she's ready, I suppose," he assured his friend, but the subject remained on Lily's tongue until the night of December 14.

The Marauders had entered the common room to find the Head Girl deeply engrossed in yet another one of her thousands of novels. Her eyes stopped scanning the pages at the sound of their approaching footsteps.

With an unneeded nudge from Lupin, James wasted no time in striding to the opposite end of the room to where she was positioned.

"Evans, a word," he said, falling into the red chintz chair beside her without invitation. Lily said nothing, but her cold green eyes turned to him in inquiry.

"You know," he began, leaning back casually, "you can't avoid me forever."

"I realized that back in third year," she replied, closing her book and setting it aside. James suppressed a grin and sat up professionally.

"So, what're the plans then? The train leaves tomorrow and, whether you like it or not, I'm getting on it."

"And nothing I say will change that?"

"Absolutely not."

"What on earth could she have been thinking?" Lily mumbled under her breath.

"Apparently, she thought I was a charming and lovely little boy. Could've fooled me, to be honest," he added with a smirk in reply to her rhetorical question.

"Merlin knows my mother isn't that stupid."

"Oh come on, it's not that bad," James insisted. "I mean, think about it, maybe their influence will rub off on me."

"Trying to fill my head with fantasies, are you?" Lily replied bitterly. "What's next Potter, a unicorn for my birthday?"

"If you wish it, my dear Head Girl."

"You are so aggravating," she said agitatedly.

"Well, you could look at the positives and try to make out something good of my coming to stay with you, or you can just sleep tonight continually reminding yourself of how James Potter will actually be under the same roof as your family . . . and you, might I add."

He allowed himself a sly grin as Lily groaned helplessly.

"Poor Petunia'll have a heart attack," she whispered, running a hand through her thick red hair. "All right, it seems as though I have no say in this," she continued, finally turning to James, "so I suppose I might as well allow you to invite another friend — just ONE — to keep you company—"

"And to keep me out of your hair for as long as I'm there," James guessed, receiving a scowl.

"My sincerest apologies, Potter, for not being able to stand five minutes alone with you. As I was saying—"

"You would prefer me to invite Remus, seeing as you're terribly in love with him and—"

"I am not!" Lily snapped. "He's just reached a higher level of maturity than the rest of you lot. Therefore, I would prefer either Remus or—"

"Sorry, that won't work," James said, taking into account Remus' problem with the coming full moon. Lily, surprisingly, didn't question him further on that vague answer.

"How about Pettigrew—?"

"Definitely not," James said at once. At this point, Lily was seething with hate.

"And why not?" she managed to say in the most calm voice she could manage.

"Because I'm absolutely certain he'll eat his way through your entire refrigerator by Christmas Eve."

"I don't care if he eats his way through my bloody house! I am not letting that dog of a friend of yours—"

"Did someone call?" Sirius said with a smile from the small corner by the fire where the three remaining Marauders were sitting.

"Mr. Padfoot will be accompanying Mr. Prongs to Ms. Evans' home tomorrow for the holidays," James said, completely ignoring Lily's opposing stammers. A look of utter euphoria passed Sirius' face.

"Not a chance!" she finally bellowed. "Not in a million—"

"Wonderful!" Sirius exclaimed with buoyant eyes. He jumped from his seat. Before Lily could hold him back, James followed suit and the two made their way up to the boys' dormitories, successfully managing to drown out Lily's furious cries with tumultuous and mistuned verses of "God Rest You, Merrye Hippogriffs—"

- - - - - - - - - - - -

"Clean boxers?" Sirius listed from behind his bed's hangings the following morning. The atmosphere was devoid of the usual dawn's gleam.

The sun wasn't nearly as dazzling as it had been in the earlier days of the month. It was now veiled beyond sheets of bulbous clouds. Light rain had been falling through the skies since before the Marauders had woken.

"Check," James replied, throwing a few pairs of his recently cleaned laundry into the trunk by his feet.

"Chocolate Frogs?"

"Like I'd forget those," James said sarcastically, dropping yet another Chocolate Frog into his mouth as he glanced around once more for anything he might've forgotten.

"Everything's set, mate," Surius declared, pulling the hangings out of his way as he got out of bed and began making an attempt to lift his trunk.

"Right. Let's get these down to the Great Hall. Make haste, I don't want to miss the feast."

"Make haste?" Sirius repeated, raising his head just enough to throw James a nonplussed look. "What are you, my grandmother? Oh Heavens no, I take that back," he added quickly with an involuntary tremble at the thought.

The feast had passed within an hour's time and students, already nuzzled within thick coats, mittens, scarves, and hats, were making their way back out into the Entrance Hall to gather their belongings and say their good-byes.

Many faces showed disappointment, including Sirius' and Peter's. This had been the first pre-Christmas feast in which the Marauders did not plan a holiday prank. The meal went on silently, despite the anticipation that filled the room.

What was more of a disappointment was that it was James who had suggested that they hold back on their hoax. Of course, this, in that one hour's time, had aroused many rumors as to why one of the leading Marauders would break what was practically tradition.

Some thought it was because of Dumbledore's speech several weeks prior to the occasion, others because they felt James was becoming soft. But the most common of the whispers was that Lily Evans had finally managed to break James Potter.

And though he, James, preferred to word it differently, that was the only reason for his change in behavior — Lily Evans had finally gotten to him. Of course, there wasn't a chance in the world he'd ever admit that.

The carriages were on their way towards Hogsmeade about forty minutes later. In another half hour, they had arrived at the train station. Lily, who had conveniently avoided getting into the same carriage as James, Sirius, Peter, and Remus, found herself unable to avoid them on the platform.

"Evans!" James called. Both Lily and Mierra turned around to be greeted by the mess of black hair sticking out amongst the crowd.

They caught up with the girls almost immediately (thrusting every first year that walked past them aside) before they could get separated again.

The train was fully loaded by the strike of eleven and took off with a final whistle. James and Sirius located a compartment further down and rushed into it without a second's hesitation, chasing out the three second year Hufflepuffs that had been chatting merrily. Lily could only glare as he shot her a wide beam and said, "After you, ladies."

"What a gentleman," she said bitterly, walking past him and sitting down by the window.

As the train gained speed, Hogsmeade was left nothing more than a speck in the distance. The morning's rain lingered till noon and began beating heavily upon the windows. Sirius anxiously watched the drops make their way down the glass as an uncomfortable silence entered the compartment.

After managing to stow away her trunk, Mierra resumed her seat beside Lily, who looked as if she'd swallowed a lemon.

"You're having a Petunia moment, Lily. What's the matter?" she whispered.

"Just thinking of ways I can lose them on the platform," Lily replied gruffly.

"Ah, come on. Give them a chance. Who knows, maybe they'll surprise you," Mierra said in a cheery voice that irritated the upset Lily greatly. Lily barely managed to give her a look before something caught them completely off guard.

"No, you bloody idiot, move!" Sirius suddenly cried out, pressing his palms against the window. James and Peter started and looked up at him.

The two girls exchanged looks before turning back to Sirius and realizing that he had been intently watching two drops of rain streaking down the window.

James, embarrassed, nudged his friend and whispered, "Are you feeling all right?"

Remus pried his eyes away from his book long enough to see what was going on. Sirius, who looked very confused himself, turned to James looking very bored.

"Why wouldn't I be?" he asked a little darkly. Clearly, he was upset.

"You're talking to rain drops, you idiot," James replied at his friend's bitterness. Sirius sat up straighter, scowling.

"I'm sorry, it's _my _fault you've gone down the road of ennui and left me with nothing to do."

This caught James off guard. Obviously, the Marauders were upset with him for his lack of foolishness at the feast. He paused for a second to glare at Sirius and then grabbed Remus' book.

"Hey!" the latter shouted. James ignored him and thrust the book into Sirius' hand.

"What do I want this for?" he barked.

"Read it," James replied gruffly.

Sirius threw him a scowl and flipped through the book's pages. His scowl deepened and he said, "I don't read books without illustrations."

The first Marauder shot him an incredulous look.

"Hate to tell you, mate, but you can't read pictures."

"Oi, I'm just about ready to shove this up your—"

"Black!" Lily warned, dropping her amused grin at once.

James, however, pulled out his wand. Sirius did the same and both boys jumped to their feet — only to fall back down a second later with a cry of, "Ow!"

Their heads had collided with Mierra's jutting trunk.

At this, all four spectators began laughing. The two Marauders' defiant looks were ignored. They straightened themselves and leaned back against the seats, stowing their unused wands away.

"I'll have my book back," Remus said, snatching it from the seat between Sirius and James. "And thank you for the laugh."

"Oh real funny, Moony," James spat sardonically.

But Lily had stopped laughing. The spectacle brought forth a sudden realization.

"Potter, Black," she said immediately. When both pairs of eyes turned to her, she returned them to the topic of Christmas at her house.

"You are both of age now — notwithstanding your immature behavior — so that entitles you both to use magic. But I am warning you now: no pranks, no magic, no obnoxiousness, and you are to keep at least twenty feet away from my sister at all times. Do you understand my terms?"

"If your sister looks anything like you, I can't promise that last one," James said with a grin, only to receive a scathing look.

"I'm going to ignore that very disturbing mental image you have just brought down upon me and let you know now that if you do _anything_ to deepen Petunia's hatred of our world — and by that I mean mine, seeing as I'm not entirely sure where you've been the past couple of years — you'll need something _a_ _lot_ faster than a broom or a motorbike to avoid the consequences. Understand?"

"Clearly," James replied, still holding his smirk, though Sirius seemed taken by surprise at the mention of his motorbike.

Lily did not seem quite satisfied with that reply, but she accepted it nevertheless and rounded on Sirius, who gave her a quick nod and returned to staring at the window.

It was several hours later that the train pulled into King's Cross. The students had changed into their Muggle attire and were slowly emptying out of their compartments.

"I believe that's us," James said unnecessarily, for everyone was already retrieving their luggage.

"Heed my warning," Lily reminded him and Sirius before allowing them to leave.

"Have a Happy Christmas," Remus said to his fellow Marauders. "Lily, Mierra, same to you."

"Have a good one Remus," the girls replied before he carried his luggage onto the platform and began making his way toward the barrier. Pettigrew said his good-byes as well and followed his friend, leaving the two leading Marauders with the girls.

"Well, come on then," Lily said with a sigh, and she began walking forward after all of the other students. However, the four stopped shortly.

"What's going on?" James asked, trying to see past the growing throng. Students all around them were stopping for some reason.

"I dunno," replied Mierra, who, unlike the boys, was not tall enough to see what was happening.

Before long, angry murmurs began traveling through the standing students. There seemed to be a few adults who were not permitting them to pass through the barrier. It wasn't long before a wizard's voice, accompanied by _Sonorus_, broke over the noise of the crowd and announced that there was a bit of turmoil on the other side and that they would have to wait a little while longer. This was followed by a series of moans.

"Just wonderful," Sirius said angrily. He dropped his trunk and sat down on it while the four waited. James narrowed his eyes curiously and looked around. No one else seemed to be too suspicious, aside from Lily and a group of Hufflepuff girls ahead of them.

It took another forty minutes before the announcement was made that it would be safe to cross.

"Stay on high alert," the wizard bellowed, silencing the crowd. "A terrible thing has happened. We are not safe. I want everyone to be on their guard. Stick together, stay with the crowd, and do not stop moving. We will be putting a Concealment Charm on you. Gather your things and get ready."

"Finally," Sirius mumbled, getting up and picking up his trunk. Lily was carrying a very nervous look.

"What do you think happened?" she asked Mierra, but before the girl could reply, a weird feeling spread through them. Judging by the gasps from the crowd further ahead, they weren't the only ones.

"All right, one by one now . . ."

And, following the man's orders, students began passing through the barrier onto the Muggle platform.

"Right, stay together," James advised. For once, no one argued. It wasn't long before their turn came. He grabbed Lily's hand (his stomach gave un uneasy flip when she did not resist) and the two ran through. In a matter of seconds, both were on the other side. She pulled away without his realizing.

Sirius and Mierra were next to appear.

"Keep moving, Prongs," Sirius said, giving James a rough push in the back, but the boy's hazel eyes remain fixed on a certain location as he walked, never once taking into account what was going on around him.

Lily, Sirius, and Mierra turned as well, but the sight wasn't a welcoming one.

Four figures lay knelt on the ground, surrounding an unmoving body. Many more were joining them. They were all wearing the same uniforms.

"Who are they?" Mierra inquired. "What happened?"

"Those are police officers," Lily replied quietly. "Muggle Aurors."

She stepped a little out of line to get a different view. Immediately, her face paled.

"Keep moving," an older wizard whispered in her ear. Then, grabbing her arm, he brought her back into the formation of concealed students.

It wasn't long before everyone was back to discussing their Christmas plans with their parents outside. No one seemed to have paid much attention to the few Muggles at the station.

James and Sirius made their way through the crowd with haste and met up with Lily and Mierra further ahead.

"There you are," Sirius panted, leaning on his knees when they finally caught up. But before he could say another word, Mierra shot him a nervous look and pointed at Lily.

James was the first of the boys to notice the sickly look on her face.

"Evans, are you all right?" he asked sincerely.

"What happened?" Sirius cut in worriedly, ignoring Mierra's signs.

Lily did not answer. She merely shook her head weakly from side to side and inhaled deeply.

"C-Come on. My . . . my parents—" She cleared her throat and continued more confidently, "—My parents will be waiting in the car. Let's go look. And you two," she added to the boys, "Behave yourselves."

She turned on her heel and continued walking as if nothing had happened. James and Sirius exchanged significant looks before they followed obediently behind her.

"Lily, dear!" an enthusiastic voice called out from above the crowd several minutes later. Lily spun around to see a short woman with striking crimson hair emerging from a black vehicle.

"Mum!" she shouted in a tone that seemed more relieved than excited.

Mrs. Evans had expected Lily's violent embrace and chuckled lightly when her daughter flew into her arms. A broad grin broke out on James' face and he began bouncing up and down enthusiastically.

"Me next, me next," he said out of Mrs. Evans' earshot in a falsely eager voice when Lily let go.

She threw him a scowl and muttered, "Shut up."

"Come, come," Mrs. Evans instructed hastily, serene to the argument between the two. She opened the backseat door for the four teenagers to enter. "We can exchange greetings later. I heard there was a terrible accident here just a few hours before."

She returned to her seat, slammed her door shut, and they were off.

It was another hour and a half before they had pulled into the driveway of an averaged sized Muggle home. Small Christmas lights were decorated along the windows, doors, and roof. Plastic gnomes, elves, and deer were placed around the lawn and tunes of "Jingle Bells" began playing when the six people passed.

James and Sirius, unused to lingering in Muggle areas, were fascinated at the sight of the tiny glowing gnomes.

"Oi, how many Freezing Charms did you have to put on them to get them to stay still like that?" Sirius questioned incredulously.

Lily smirked. James and Sirius weren't used to the Muggle ways. For once, she had the advantage over the boys . . .

"Welcome," Mrs. Evans said, pushing open the front door, "to our home."

A vision of splendor greeted the boys. For a house that didn't seem like much on the outside, it was much more than they had expected. White walls, glistening with the brilliant firelight, were surrounding what looked like the living room.

An adequate sized coffee table was positioned between two comfortable-looking sofas. Shelves of books, photographs, and luminescent crystals were each set around the fireplace. Portraits of the Evans family lined the walls.

The floor was carpeted in an off-white color and hidden underneath a patterned gold rug.

Just as James's eyes wandered to the staircase (also heavily decorated for the holidays) just beyond the sofas, a vulture-like being took hold of his interest.

His excitement vanished in seconds and his thoughts returned immediately to the events happening around him. Warm and curious hazel eyes gazed directly into the cold and narrowed blue ones of the girl. Her look showed that she thought of him as nothing more than dirt.

He saw a still portrait of her on the wall over her shoulder. She looked just as bitter there too. He wondered why the portrait was unmoving.

"Ah, there you are sweetheart!" Mr. Evans said from beside James, but he could not tear his gaze away from the girl's cold and seething glare.

A tall, fat boy appeared beside her, looking very formal and just as smug. He noticed James' gaze and swelled slightly. A strange vein began throbbing in his temple.

All too familiar with the rules of nature, James immediately caught on to the relationship between the fat boy and the skinny girl (both appearing older than him). They could not have been related.

Trying to avoid sending him the wrong message, he immediately refocused his gaze on Lily.

"Come, come into the kitchen, you lot. Introductions must be made. Dinner's ready as well," Mrs. Evans said merrily. She and her husband disappeared through two double-doors without another word.

With one last warning glance at James, Lily led Mierra out of the room.

"Come on, mate, I'm famished," Sirius urged, putting a hand to his stomach and grimacing. But James hesitated to move.

There was no need for introductions. He knew exactly who that girl was. No one else could've fit Lily's description so well.

"I'd better not catch you staring at my girl again, you filthy scum," a low and raspy voice breathed into his ear. James, startled by the sudden threat, jumped aside and looked straight into the small, watery blue eyes of the man who had spoken. Sirius' look hardened and he made to step forward, but James held a hand to hold him back.

It was his turn now to give the reproachful glare.

"Excuse me?" James said angrily, surprising his foe with a tone of confidence he had obviously not been expecting. Without another word, the boy narrowed his eyes and shoved past him, holding out a hand for the horse-face girl at the foot of the steps. She took it and allowed her boyfriend to escort her to the dining room.

However, before they disappeared behind the doors, she threw James and Sirius one final scowl, sending the message across that he and his "abnormal" friends were to keep as far away as possible from the completely normal Petunia Evans.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

_Ooh, not a good start with James and Petunia/Vernon. Now that he thinks James likes Petunia, things will get VERY ugly. It's all going to go downhill from here, but I won't reveal too much about that. I'll let your imaginations have fun. After all, how dull can it be when people like Petunia Evans and Vernon Dursely are stuck with 3 wizards over the holidays? And two of them being James and Sirius . . ._

Chapter 7: Things heat up between the Muggles and the Wizards. While a war is taking place under Mr. and Mrs. Evans' noses, tension is arising beyond their home.


	7. Petunia's Fear

_All right, my last update took forever, so, now that I have a free week from school due to Regents Week, I decided to give you guys a quick update. _

_Now, I must thank all of my WONDERFUL reviewers for making writing this story a pleasure for me. All your support for the last chapter really got me back into this. _

Thanks to:

**PoTtErMaNiAn87:** _Thank you for following this story. I hope it continues to get better for you. As you know, James and Lily right now are about the farthest thing from being a couple. So how will they get together ;)? We'll see . . . _

**Erica:**_ Ugh, it is frightening isn't it? But according to Vernon, Petunia is the most beautiful (gag) woman alive, so apparently every man that looks at her for more than three seconds likes her. And though we all know there will be absolutely no chance of James liking Pet, Vernon doesn't, so you can bet there'll be a lot of tension between the two._

**Sazuke:**_ Ahh, Didi __— nice pen name. I'm glad you liked the James-Sirius moment on the train. We've now reached Day One at the Evans' house. The only question is, "Will Sirius and James behave?"_

**RandomObsessivePsychoFangirl: **_LoL, poor James. His first meeting with Petunia and Vernon. You know right away that after that little incident, things will never be good around those three. I can guarantee there'll be more Vernon vs. James action in one of the upcoming chapters. As for James and Petunia . . . well, read on._

**Kluvhp: **_Thank you very much for putting C.I. on your story alerts. Like I mentioned to _RandomObsessivePsychoFangirl_ the action will be coming up, and then I can guarantee you things will only get worse for James and Sirius. After all, what did they expect, coming over to Lily's and everything?_

**Gjcooliio:**_ LoL, it's disgusting — just the thought of James liking Petunia is enough to make one's brain implode. As for what happened on the train, I can only say that it foreshadows future events in the story._

**Palomapotter: **_Thank you. I hope you continue to find this fic interesting as we dwell deeper into James' and Sirius' stay at Lily's._

**Kybo: **_LoL,oh rest assured, there will be plenty of turbulence, in more ways than one. After all, the two leading Marauders are in the same house as Petunia Evans. . . yikes._

_And so, we enter Day One at the Evans' home . . ._

_Previous chapter left off with James and Sirius finally arriving at the home of Lily Evans and seeing, for the first time, Petunia Evans and Vernon Dursley. Vernon, catching James staring at Petunia, is convinced that he likes Petunia._

- - - - - - - - - - - -

**Crude Irony **

Chapt 7 – Petunia's Fear

James awoke the following morning to the sound of the digital alarm clock that inhabited the guest room. He tiredly opened his eyes and, knowing nothing about how to work the Muggle contraption, threw his pillow over his head to mute it.

On the other end of the small dormitory, Sirius' loud snoring went undisturbed by the bothersome ringing.

After several lazy minutes, the languid boy had no choice but to rise and get himself ready.

By the time he dressed and was out of his room, however, it was only 7:30 in the morning. The quiet house led him to believe that no one else had risen.

"Excellent," James muttered to himself as Sirius let out another loud grunt. He ran his fingers messily through his hair in the mirror before leaving the room to see what he could grab from the refrigerator before anyone awoke.

But by the time he had gotten downstairs and walked into the kitchen, the person he had last anticipated to meet was sitting down with a plate of biscuits.

Petunia Evans' thin, long neck extended as she lifted her head to spy on whoever had joined her in the nearly vacant room. Her pale blue eyes met James' hazel ones and her bored look hardened to that of reproach.

"And just what are you looking at?" she breathed hoarsely, inviting the tension in the room to rise.

James returned her look of contempt and greeted her with a cold, "Good morning to you, too."

Petunia's lip curled at his arrogant tone. She tightened her grip on the biscuit until it was reduced to crumbs.

"So," she said bitterly, opening up her hand and allowing the remnants to fall back into her plate, "precious Lilykins has brought home a couple of strays . . ."

James's hatred for the girl suddenly deepened and a scowl made itself visible on his features. His lips tightened and he turned away before the urge to say something nasty overpowered him.

"So what are you now, her boyfriend?" Petunia continued, sneering now. She looked up at him and was satisfied to see that he was avoiding her gaze. "I wouldn't trust her, if I were you," she added with a sneer. "As soon as she finds someone better looking, you'll be yesterday's news."

And with the same nasty grin, she stood up and carried her plate to the sink.

James pressed his fists hard on the counter and reminded himself persistently that she was not worth arguing with. But he could not resist the urge.

Calmly, he looked around at her and asked, "If that's how you feel then I find it astonishing how little you know your own sister. She's a lot better than that; give her some credit."

"Credit?" the elder of the Evans' girls said haughtily. "Oh that's right! Let's praise the witch for turning this family into a freakshow, stealing away all my parents' love, and bringing two filthy leeches back with her from that place she calls a school! Is that what I am to be giving _dear_ Lily credit for?"

"No," replied James testily. "You should be crediting her for spending more than sixteen years of her life in your presence."

Petunia's confident look slid off her face at once. Her bony hands, currently resting on her thin waist, curled into fists. James couldn't help but wonder how she and Lily were related. Perhaps one was adopted?

"I'm guessing the last person you said that to gave you what was coming," she spat, allowing her eyes to wander to the thick layer of bandages on his head. "That's a lovely little headdress."

And with a returning sneer, she strode past him, making sure to give him one last shove as she made her way out of the room. James' lips tensed, but he kept his mouth shut.

Christmas vacation suddenly became a lot darker to him.

Furiously, he pounded up the stairs, returned to his room, and slammed the door shut. He snatched his wand off the dresser and shouted out a very obscene word that he had been holding in for at least five minutes. It didn't matter if anyone heard him. James Potter was not going to be told off by some horse-face troll.

"Having a good morning, I see?" Sirius suddenly intervened. James broke off in his angry mutters to tell his friend to shut up.

"So, who's bothering you now?" Sirius asked, ignoring James' comment and getting out of bed.

"Take a guess," he replied darkly. "Honestly, how can Evans _possibly_ be related to something like that?"

"I dunno, I think she's quite attractive," Sirius said with a smirk. He laughed at James' dumbfounded look and added, "I'll be downstairs. Try not to sneak into Evans' room while I'm gone, all right, mate?"

"I can't; she used an Imperturbable Charm on her door," James replied, unaware of Sirius' eye roll. "She always was good at Charms," he added silently as an afterthought while Sirius made his way out of the room, clearly unnoticed.

When his friend had left, James made his way to the long mirror and placed his fingers on his bandages. An uneasy feeling swept through him; he had grown so used to it that he completely overlooked the fact that he looked like an idiot.

Feeling a little irritated, James brought his hands up to the thick fabric and began untying it. He could feel his head become painfully lighter, but ignored the odd sensation.

Finally, his forehead became visible in his reflection, revealing a strange redness on the left side. The matching eye, too, was starting to look bloodshot. For a second, he considered putting it back on.

Instead, however, he strode over to the waste basket and threw the bandages in. He looked down at his wand and frowned. As much as he would've liked to hex Petunia into the next century, he knew that Lily would not approve.

A loud knock on the door disturbed his momentary train of thought and James looked up seeming very irritated. He walked across the room, wand still in hand, and pulled the door open.

Coincidentally, Lily Evans, who looked as if she was just about to rap again, stood on the other end of the threshold. She looked up at him and her eyebrows kicked up with inquisitiveness. James knew she was eyeing his visible forehead.

"Good morning, Evans," he said coolly, drawing her attention back to her original reason for disturbing him. "You needed something?"

"Yes, er, I-I heard a lot of noise. Is everything okay?" she asked, doing a decent job at hiding her concern.

"Everything's swell, thanks," James replied nonchalantly, stepping over the threshold and closing the door behind him. Lily crossed her arms and stared coolly at him, not too fond at all at the debonair tone he was using with her.

"Well then, next time, do try to keep your voice down when you're shouting out nasty things about my sister. You're fortunate my parents hadn't woken up or you'd have been on the next train back to Hogwarts within the next hour—"

"Looking out for me, are you, Evans?" James said with a smirk. Lily didn't seem too pleased. Light pink patches appeared in her pale cheeks and her startling green eyes (so unlike her sister's, James took notice) narrowed venomously. Angered by his continual arrogance, she ripped her wand from the waistband of her jeans and held it at his throat so fast that even he was unaware of what happened by the time its tip was touching his skin.

"Listen," she whispered through tightly clenched teeth, "to me. I've had just about enough of you and your friends and, while I respect that there is _nothing_ I can do that will save you from the haughtiness that is bound to consume and destroy you in your future years, I intend to make it _very_ clear that while you are staying under _my_ roof, you will abide by _my_ terms. You will leave my sister alone; you will not use your wand unless you are in utmost need of it; and you will _stop hitting on me_."

Lily hardly needed to ask whether he had understood. James had only spared a fleeting glance at the wand before redirecting his hazel eyes straight into her brilliant green ones. Although he had the intention of pointing out that it was Petunia who had begun the conflict since he first stepped foot into her home, he knew that Lily's temper was so close to the brim these days that he did not bother trying to get him on his side.

Instead, he brought up a hand and gently pushed hers away, nodding faintly. Her lapidified expression faltered for about half a second before she brought up the pretense again and turned on her heel.

It was then, however, that a loud, earsplitting cry echoed through the house's many corridors. Lily stopped at once and her head jerked up. She looked back at James (he was sure that, by now, she had grown so accustomed to turning to him in signs of turmoil that it had become involuntary) before sprinting to the stairs and skipping a few a time. James ran closely behind her.

When they reached the living room, however, he couldn't fight back a wide grin at the sight of Petunia Evans sitting, knees pressed against her chest, at the very top of the sofa. Sirius, visibly unarmed, looked very red in the face and James could tell he had been laughing just a second ago.

Lily shot him a glare before asking her sister, somewhat coldly, "What happened?"

James's grin grew wider at her lack of concealing her agitation.

"Tha—that _monster_!" Petunia said in between a petrified whisper and a furious shriek. She pointed a shaky finger at the Marauder and said, "That abnormal beast. He-He had _fangs_!"

Lily's eyes shot heavenward and she sighed exasperatedly, as if hearing this was of no surprise to her. James eyes darted swiftly to Sirius, but he was too slow in hiding his triumphant smile. However, it was gone by the time Lily had turned to him, looking much worn out.

"Black," she warned.

"Fangs, I ask you," Sirius cut her off.

"He sprouted them!" Petunia insisted, pointing a shaky finger at Sirius' face. "I swear it! I saw it, just before!"

"Petunia. . ." Lily sighed, taking turns in saying their names.

"James," James piped in with a grin, hands folded behind his back innocently. However, at the look he received, he hastened to wipe the playful grin from his face.

"How can I possibly have 'sprouted fangs'?" Sirius asked with a hint of deviancy in his voice that James was sure only he picked up.

"It's not even full moon yet," James added in spite of himself, and both he and Sirius howled mockingly.

Lily turned to him looking furious and astonished, as if wondering how he had managed to forget everything she just warned him about a minute ago.

"I guess I'm just missing the tail now, eh, Prongs?" Sirius said heartily, nudging James.

"I wouldn't put it past you," Lily barked, throwing a completely irrelevantly dirty look at James. "Out, the both of you."

"Put that mongrel on a leash," Petunia shrieked at her sister, but Lily either did not or chose not to hear her.

Mr. and Mrs. Evans awoke some time in the late morning to Petunia's continuing protests about Sirius. It wasn't until Mrs. Evans threatened to uninvite Vernon to dinner that the girl finally stopped complaining. At around half past ten, Mrs. Evans prepared a simple but delightful breakfast for her daughters and guests before leaving for work with a hasty "Good-Bye". Another hour succeeding, Mr. Evans received a call from the office and, apologizing for leaving on such short notice, departed as well.

"Hang on!" Lily called, abandoning her eggs and toast and dashing after her father. "You — you're not _actually_ going to leave us all alone, are you?" she asked apprehensively.

"Well why not? I trust you entirely. And as for Petunia, well . . ." He paused a moment to look at his other daughter before whispering, " Vernon's coming tonight for dinner, but I'm afraid your mother and I might not be home by then. I'm trusting you to cook; remember, don't tell that to your sister. She'll go bonkers."

"Bonkers, Dad?" Lily moaned, but Mr. Evans merely smiled and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Behave," he said to her. After planting a kiss on his daughter's cheek and saying his good-byes to Petunia and the two Marauders, the front door slammed shut, leaving Lily standing in the hall looking very disconcerted. As if the noise had been a sign, Petunia rose from her seat and escaped to the other room for sanctuary.

Inhaling deeply, Lily shut her eyes tightly and forced an odd sort of smile, trying desperately not to think about the situation her parents had just left her in. As soon as that door slammed shut, an ominous sign had inhaled the atmosphere.

But she was a gifted witch according to her professors. Whatever Black and Potter dared throw at her, she would return it tenfold. And with that confident thought, she turned around to face them, but the unnatural grin was wiped off her face as soon as her eyes rested on their malicious smirks.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_Aha, finally. Mr. and Mrs. Evans are out momentarily, so, of course, what better time for James and Sirius to let loose? Ahh, poor, poor Petunia . . ._

_Chapter 8 is already being written. Please review. I love to hear comments!_


	8. Marauders' Malice

_I have just started term two of school, and I finally got a class with one of my close friends. Anyway, I didn't have a chance to get too far with the chapters. I spent the last of my break fixing up chapter 10, and I'm still working on it, so updates might be a little slow._

_Anyway, I will stop my introductory babbling and move onto the reviews._

Vobis Gratias Ago:

**Kluvhp:**_ Great to know the fic's to your liking. I'm glad to know you were looking forward to this chapter, because here it is. :)_

**RandomObsessivePsychoFangirl:**_ Yes we all SHOULD feel bad for Petunia, but where's the fun in that? After all, who doesn't want to see her covered in frog spawn? LoL._

**Fairybells4: **_All right, no more holding 8 hostage. I have given it to you. Read and enjoy!_

**Erica:**_ Thank you very much for forgiving me for that incredibly short chapter. This one's not too long, but it is longer than the previous chapt. As for this 'tension' you speak of . . . well, just read and find out :)_

**Gjcoolio:**_ LoL, my friend has this weird obsession with potatoes, so I thought I'd add that bit. Don't fall out of your seat — not until you finish this chapt._

**Kybo:**_ LoL, sorry, Kybo. I'm regretting it now. I think I should have connected that chapter with this one, but then it'd be too long. Anyway, worry no more. It continues . . ._

_The last chapter left off with Mr. and Mrs. Evans leaving Lily, James, Sirius, and Petunia alone._

_- - - - - - - - - - - - - -_

**Crude Irony**

Chapt 8 – Marauders' Malice

The day dragged on, gray and cloudy as ever. Lily had retired to the kitchen for supper while Petunia was occupied with Vernon on the phone in her bedroom. Meanwhile, a short distance away, Sirius and James were pacing around their own beds, thinking hard.

Finally, James came to a halt after much contemplation and said, "I'll be risking a lot if Evans knows I was in on this. We have to make it so that she's completely out of the way—"

"Ah, you take the fun out of everything, mate. I though you wanted to get back at that horse's backside," Sirius urged.

"_I do_. It's just that . . . well, it's sort of complicated really . . ."

James paused and looked up at Sirius, who was eagerly awaiting what he was going to say.

"Well, I-I can't help wondering what . . . what Evans will think."

Sirius let out an exasperated sigh.

"Wasn't expecting that . . ." he said sarcastically.

"No, no," James persisted nervously. "I mean, well . . . clearly I haven't had any luck with her, and clearly I'm having trouble moving onto another girl . . ." James sighed and put hand to his hair subconsciously again. "I'm trying to start over with her, Padfoot. And, well, I'm beginning to think she's not too fond of my practical side—"

"That's the only side _of you_, mate. Listen, you've been trying to snag Lily for years, it hasn't worked. Just give up and move on."

"I already made it clear I have trouble doing that," James said bitterly.

"So you just expect to die, bitter and alone?" Sirius inquired with a grin, tilting his head a little. But James did not respond. He averted his gaze to his slightly torn sneakers and wracked his brain, yet again, over the choices he had.

"Look," Sirius said in response to his friend's silence. "You can either sit in this room and be a good little boy and take everything that malodorous swine throws at you, or you can shut up about Evans and get back at her."

Again, James screwed up his face in thought. He was torn between his feelings for Lily and the enthusiasm he received at the thought of making her sister as miserable as possible. In the end, however, not even he could pass up the chance to risk an indefatigable Lily's emotions for good fun.

"I guess it won't cause too much harm . . . As long as Evans doesn't see—"

"Yeah, yeah," Sirius said uncaringly. He pulled out his wand and grinned. "Ready?"

"After you, Padfoot," James replied, bowing.

Beaming euphorically, Sirius led the way with his wand raised before him.

"—so obnoxious!" Petunia's haughty voice extended past the limited confines of her bedroom. "Do you recall that Marci Elongiss I spoke to you about yesterday?"

There was a pause in which she listened to Vernon's reply before continuing, "Imagine a million of her forced into one body, and there's your answer."

"I can only guess who she's talking about," James muttered sardonically as he and Sirius crept carefully to her bedroom door and sat down to listen.

"_Alohomora,_" the latter whispered. The lock clicked open and Petunia, apparently more vigilant than they gave her credit for, ceased speaking at once. An image of her craning her long neck snuck into James' mind and he couldn't help wondering whether she could beat out a giraffe . . .

"Vernon, I'll see you tonight. All right, I love you sweetiekums. I can't wait."

James made a gagging motion and Sirius laughed silently. He turned the knob and entered . . .

Lily was just in the process of setting her dessert tray on the table when Petunia's shrill scream echoed loudly throughout the entire house.

As if this was a natural thing to her, she set the plate down calmly and looked up at the source of the noise. A series of loud cracks and brilliant lights came from upstairs and she suddenly paled.

Petunia Evans came flying down the stairs, trying desperately to outrun the twisting form of a sparking, illuminated serpent chasing after her. It wrapped around her ankles just as she reached the last step and she found herself shrieking even more loudly when it lifted her upside down into the air. Almost as suddenly, the multicolored lights morphed into what seemed like a mess of melted chocolate and she fell, yelling frantically, face-first into it. Lily screwed up her face in disgust as she realized that the syrup-like substance was instead frog spawn.

"LILY!" Petunia bellowed, but as soon as she began advancing on her sister, she slipped on the slimy mess on the floor and stumbled forward, right into Lily's pudding.

The latter's mouth twitched slightly, but she concealed her amused grin behind her hand.

Roars of laughter echoed from above, and Lily immediately lost her humorous smile. Her eyes darted swiftly to the source of the noise. There, standing on the second floor and leaning over the rail, were Sirius Black and James Potter. Upon seeing Lily, James, without delay, shrank to the floor out of her view.

Utterly engulfed with contempt at their deaf ears, Lily bellowed, "BLACK! POTTER!"

"Get those freaks out of this house!" Petunia screamed, nearly on the verge of tears and seething with pure hate. She wiped her face off and hurried to the lavatory to wash off.

For the first time since they arrived, James actually regretted his actions toward Lily's older sister. He felt a powerful and unexplainable surge of guilt as he saw her eyes shining with tears. He didn't need to hear Lily's shout of "Get down here!" to rise back up to his full height and look her straight in the face.

The moment seemed to last forever . . .

Gathering his courage, he walked around Sirius, made his way down the steps as slowly as possible, and stopped right before Lily, looking unabashed. His friend appeared right beside him looking somewhat satisfied.

And without warning, a cry of,"_IMPEDIMENTA!"_ and a brilliant white flash had sent them tearing through the air and crashing against the wall very unexpectedly.

"What the—?"

But Sirius did not need to finish, for Lily was now pointing her wand directly at him with a cold expression written on her face. She had moved so quickly that neither boy had a chance to draw his own wand.

"I wonder," Lily said, turning now to James, "how often I will have to keep reminding you to leave my sister alone before the message gets embedded within your skulls. Let me make this clear to the both of you: I have spent the past six years trying to convince her that neither magic nor I were as bad as she thought, and you just _ruined_ it all in less than a minute!"

"In our defense, I don't think your persuasions were working too well," Sirius tried, but Lily poked him in the chest with her wand and muttered, "Shut up, Black."

"Ah, come on Evans, we were just lightening the mood a little," he responded, but Lily wasn't swayed by his excuse.

"Go explain that to my sister," she snapped. Though her voice seemed bitter and cruel, her bright green eyes did not agree with her rage. James took notice of that and smiled. Unfortunately, Lily mistook that for one of his arrogant smirks.

"I don't find it funny, Potter."

"Yes you do," he blurted before his mind could warn him against it. His mistake resulted in her expression becoming livid.

"There are times," she said quite calmly, lowering her wand and beginning to turn away, "that I truly do believe that your sole purpose is to make me as miserable as you possibly can."

She did not wait to hear James's useless stutters, but instead left the two without another word.

Casting a dark look at Sirius, James rose back to his feet, spun around, and retreated back up the stairs, slamming the door shut behind him several seconds later.

He did not know how long he had been up there, but James had exhausted his brain relentlessly as he lay with his arms crossed on his pillow, wondering why it was taking Sirius so long to join him. A part of him felt guilty that he had given his friend such a nasty look, even though the idea was _his_. Still, hadn't he, James, gone along with it?

_What's happening to me_, James found himself thinking desperately as he recalled the sick feeling that overpowered him when he saw Petunia falling into tears at their prank. _She deserved it_, a part of him thought, but then another, which sounded very much like his voice entwined with Lily's, said, _We took it a little too far._

"What is she doing to me?" James muttered to himself, recalling a very stunning image of Lily at the Hogwarts lake's edge into his mind. He now recalled a very disheveled but handsome, bespectacled boy with a nasty sneer and shook it out of his thoughtsr.

"I'm losing myself to her," he admitted sadly, though a part of him didn't reflect too much on his tone.

He was interrupted in his thoughts when the bedroom door swung open to reveal a very red-faced Sirius. Looking worse than his former house-elf, the disheveled wizard shut the door, folded his arms, and leaned against the wall casting a very moody glance at James.

"What?" his friend said defensively.

"I will give you only one word of advice," Sirius said, unfolding his arms and pointing a finger at James. "Next time you try to speak to her, make sure you work around the words _bilious, temperamental, depraved witch_."

"She hit you didn't she?" James guessed nonchalantly, recalling Lily's very sensitive temper.

"_Hit?_ Can you call it a hit if you've lost nearly ten teeth?" Sirius retorted bitterly, rubbing the left side of his face in pain.

James's troubled and thoughtful smile turned instead into a lighthearted one.

"Come on, Padfoot. Take it like a man," James said grinning, and he ducked when Sirius threw a thick, dusty book at him.

Neither of the two sisters seemed too keen to speak to either James or Sirius, so, when the call for dinner never came, the two ended up leaving their room when their stomachs could no longer ignore the pain of hunger. They had expected Lily and Petunia to be eating already, too preoccupied to pay the boys any attention.

Much to their disappointment, however, they entered the living room to find themselves under the wary gaze of a petrified Petunia. Her hair was wrapped tightly in a towel, but the rest of her was already situated in a fancy red sweater and elegant white pants that did little to improve her figure.

James couldn't stop himself from wondering how Lily would look in the same outfit.

_It would've looked better on her . . . _

The bitter girl kept a cautious eye on them as they slowed to a stop, looking back at her with the same intensity. He could tell already that Sirius was preparing a series of illegal incantations to use. James, however, stepped forward; if he was to have any chance with Lily, he would have to at least attempt reconciliation with her sister.

At the sudden advance, Petunia flinched and moved back, but her eyes still showed loathing contempt. James stopped and bit his tongue hard, trying to suppress the agitation.

"Look," he said calmly, "I think it's pretty clear that you hate us and we're not too fond of you, but we're spending Christmas together here, so I think it'd be best if we all just back off of each other and at least _try_ to keep peace . . . I know we might look weird to you—"

He continued speaking knowing that she was not taking in any of his words. The entire time his mouth was moving, her eyes were focusing revoltingly at his unkempt hair.

"—but we're not all that bad," he continuing, desperately trying to flatten out his bangs without avail. "We live in a completely different world from yours, but that doesn't make us freaks, and that goes for your sister as well. You're spending your entire time together hating each other, and I believe you'll come to regret it sometime later if you two don't make up and move on now. So, what do you say, truce?"

Not the best speech he could've given, but how intent was his heart on becoming friends with the person before him? Nevertheless, he held out his hand for her to shake, but she only receded further.

"Don't you touch me," she barked. "I'm clean as you can very well see, and I don't need anymore of your filth rubbing off on me."

"Just forget it," Sirius said to James very moodily. He was obviously finding it difficult to fight the urge to set her pants on fire. Fortunately, however, Lily intervened at the opportune moment.

"Dinner's been ready for five minutes, Petunia, are you coming or not?" she asked grumpily, turning her back on the Marauders and disappearing back behind the double-doors.

"Thank you for calling us then," Sirius called after her. James spared one last glance at Petunia before following Lily. It was extraordinary how quickly the guilt disappeared . . .

The table was already set with dishes, utensils, and glasses that all bore the same antiquated designs. In the center were a scrumptious looking roasted chicken, some mashed potatoes, and steaming soup. An empty space was visible where the ruined dessert should've been. The sight made James's stomach growl longingly. Petunia, however, sat down farthest away from them all and grimaced.

"Anything wrong?" Lily asked a little coolly.

"Who made this?" Petunia demanded scornfully. Heat rose rapidly into James's face at the ungrateful remark, but Lily was serene.

"Mum prepared it last night and I just reheated it," she lied, "_without_ magic."

To James's surprise, Petunia took hold of her fork and began filling up her plate with food without saying another word. She must have been starving . . .

As if that was their signal, everyone else began eating as well. There was only a moment of silence before Sirius began speaking to Lily, who did her best to ignore him. However, after many persistent attempts to get on her good side, Lily finally looked up, smiled kindly at him, and switched the topic from his relentless compliments to their upcoming N.E.W.T examinations.

For that split second, James wanted nothing more than to be sitting in his best friend's seat, chatting with the vision of beauty before him. Upon realizing that he was staring stupidly at her, he quickly bent his head low over his half empty plate, paying close attention to their argument.

"What's the point of studying? I already know everything I need to."

"But why make it more difficult for yourself? If you just go over the material once, you can have the exam done in no time."

"Honestly, Evans. Who cares?"

"You should," Lily said, clearly appalled at his response. "Really, it couldn't hurt—

Sirius chuckled and said, "Don't stress so much. It'll be a lot easier for you."

And with that, the brief conversation ended. He leaned back against his chair and began flicking pieces of chicken into his mouth while balancing it on its two back legs. Lily, looking both agitated and slightly disappointed, averted her eyes elsewhere.

James, who had been watching her again, went red in the face when he saw that he was her new target.

Feeling a little awkward, he stopped chewing and gazed back at her, feeling a tremendous wave of heat rising in his face. Her persistent look was impassive, but he was still desperately trying to find some expression that would take his mind off the uneasiness currently eating through his stomach. He felt oddly like a wandless deer that had been caught by a vicious Death Eater.

The strange moment seemed to have lasted a dreadful eternity by the time a loud knock caught her attention. Immediately, her green eyes turned to the door and he swallowed whatever was in his mouth while her focus was averted.

"That'll be Vernon," Petunia muttered, more to herself than to anyone else. She rose at once and ran to answer the call.

Lily got to her feet as well, looking slightly disappointed again as she watched her sister retreat. Sirius took that chance to nudge James with his elbow under the table. He turned to his best friend and mouthed, "What?"

Sirius jerked his head in Lily's direction and smiled mischievously. James' eyebrows drew closer in confusion and he glanced at the girl.

"What?" he repeated, this time in an audible whisper.

"She was staring at you," Sirius said in an irritable tone at his friend's slothfulness.

"I noticed," James replied.

Sirius grinned broadly and whispered, "You two looked so cute."

"Oh shut up."

With another satisfied smirk that strangely resembled Mrs. Evans', Sirius got to his feet and took his plate to the sink, leaving Lily and James at the table alone. She sat down again and glanced at him, but he made sure to keep his eyes on something — anything else.

Astonishingly, it was she who broke the silence.

"So," she began, looking up again while absentmindedly poking her food, "what was it that Black was whispering to you?"

And of course, the moment was ruined . . .

"Ah, come on Evans, we're all living under the same roof now. You can call him Sirius—"

"Then _you_ can call me Lily," she retorted. James hesitated and blinked. Was she actually implying that he start calling her by her given name?

"Nice to see you two getting along," Sirius said out of nowhere, grabbing James' nearly empty dish (along with the fork he was holding) and carrying it away to the sink.

"Oi!" James yelled after him. "I wasn't done!"

For a moment, the corners of Lily's mouth twitched, but she replaced it with a thoughtful frown before James could give her a look.

"Glad to see you're in a better mood," he said with the slightest hint of sarcasm. Lily, however, either didn't catch it or disregarded it, for she looked up at him with a look unlike her usual bitter scowl. Her eyes, not narrowed as he had been so accustomed to seeing, showed a faint insinuation of inquisitiveness. It caught him completely off guard.

"I wonder what Petunia's doing?" she mumbled suddenly, looking away from him very quickly.

James looked down at his hands and scowled. There had been a connection for those few brief seconds. Why, now of all times, did she care what Petunia was doing?

As Lily slid her chair back to stand up again, James looked up and swiftly intervened.

"No, no, I'll check," he offered, grateful for an excuse to leave her, hopefully as disappointed as she had just left him.

_I doubt she'd care_, an annoying voice in his head cogitated as he raced through the double-doors, leaving Lily staring at his back before they closed behind him.

He walked through the corridor testily until he had reached the living room, forcing all thoughts of the girl out of his head.

Petunia and Vernon were standing by the threshold of the front door, suspiciously conversing in whispers. He stopped walking so as not to be too noticeable.

"Don't worry about it, my love. I'll take care of everything," he heard Vernon say finally, and made a horrorstruck face when the boy's lips joined Petunia's.

Upon catching sight of James, she pulled away and contorted her face, but James knew it was just an attempt to hold back the smile that had been creeping onto it. Vernon had turned now as well, closing his fists very tightly and shooting James a reproachful look.

Petunia raced past him without saying a word, but she was unable to conceal the horrid grin that had planted itself onto her lips. James watched her race upstairs with curiosity. It was obvious the girl was hiding something, but what? He almost laughed at the thought. So she hadn't learned . . .

_All right, then. Bring it on, Evans— _

Almost as soon as the words had formed in his mind, James felt a terrible, sickening feeling in his stomach. Though this time, he was sure it wasn't that of guilt.

He felt the wind knocked out of him as he put a hand to his stomach; Vernon withdrew his massive fist with a look of pure satisfaction as James dropped down to his knees, eyes watering in pain and unable to emit any noise, though his mouth was wide open in surprise.

The sneer grew wider on Vernon's reddened face.

James slowly lifted his head and clenched his teeth; his hazel eyes narrowed with unsurpassable rage.

All the binds holding him from using his advantageous skills to fight against a Muggle had just broken loose.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_Aha, who wants to see Vernon get his fat -- kicked? Unfortunately, I'm still revising that chapter . . . but I'm about halfway done. _

_Please review! I'm doing the best I can to fit the time to write this._


	9. Turbulence With Wands

_I really don't know where to start. The last time you guys heard from me was February 2__nd__. I am really sorry about the long delay with this chapter. I ended up cutting and editing and completely revising it more times than I remember, but now I am done and it is here. . . finally. _

Thank You Very Much For Your Reviews And Patience:

**Palomapotter: **_Thank you :) Whether Lily finds out or not will be revealed in this chapter._

**OstrasizedPotato: **_Thanks, sorry it's taken so long. I hope you haven't given up on this fic for that._

**Faking:**_ Sorry to have disappointed you with this incredibly slow update, but the ideas are moving smoothly in my head now. _

**RandomObsessivePsychoFangirl: **_I love your enthusiasm. Who'd you place your bet on? LoL Sorry for making you wait this long._

**Kybo: **_LoL, that was oxymoronic, but yes, a fight is always interesting isn't it? In my opinion, it's what came after it in this case. . . way after it._

**Gjcoolio:**_ LoL, I like how everyone's so eager to see James and Vernon beat each other to a pulp. But the enthusiasm is always welcome :)_

_Last chapter left off with Vernon Dursley catching an unsuspected James Potter off guard with a harsh blow._

- - - - - - - - - - - -

**Crude Irony**

Chapt 9 – Turbulence With Wands

Vernon's overconfident sneer grew a little faint as James forced himself back to his feet. However, he could hardly ignore the horrible ache mercilessly racing through his stomach after Vernon's violent blow.

"That was . . . a cheap shot," he forced himself to say after he managed to stop swaying and blinked the white dots away from his vision. An odd vein had begun to throb in Vernon's forehead.

"Cheap, eh? I'll bet my car you've never thrown a punch like that in your life." And with a nasty chuckle, he added, "Though how many times have you been on the receiving end of it?"

James reached into his pocket, but Vernon caught his arm just in time and pulled it up against James's chest while forcing him back into the wall.

"Bother _my_ girl, will you?" the elder said furiously, completely uncaring of the fact that he had knocked over the coffee table and several other pieces of furniture in his attempt to trap James. "I knew you and your lot were nothing more than desperate dogs. You find a pretty woman and feel the need to harass her—"

"I don't know what's more disturbing," James retorted with difficulty at the immense weight pressing upon him, "the fact that you're shoving your five chins directly into my line of vision or that you just referred to that horse-faced troll of yours as 'pretty'."

Vernon's face turned scarlet in no more than three seconds.

"Why you—!" he breathed furiously, pressing James's arm harder against his chest, but the latter ignored the feeble attempt and took the temporary diversion to his advantage.

"And as for that bet—" he added hastily, heaving Vernon aside just enough to slip underneath him and reappear again from behind. Vernon was barely given the chance to spin around. Following the swift escape, James spun on his heel and threw a punch straight into the side of his face; the heavy blow knocked Vernon to the ground effortlessly.

"—you can keep that dried up prune on wheels you call a car."

Vernon struggled to form a coherent sentence as he got back to his senses. James, on the other hand, quickly rubbed his wrist and then reached for his wand again. However, a clever grin broke out on his handsome features and he removed his hand from his pocket. Evans was in the other room apparently ignorant to the clamor going on in the living room. Why not have some fun with the Muggle boy?

"Face me like a man, you scrounging coward," Vernon demanded as he forced his massive body into an upright position. His eyes caught sight of James removing his hand from his pocket and he smirked when he saw that the wand was not clasped within it.

"As you wish," the younger of the two said politely, though he, too, now bore a mischievous smirk.

Almost eagerly, James clenched his fists and took up a Muggle fighting stance. Vernon was slightly taken aback by his knowledge in the art of fist-fighting, but he shook it off and drew up his own fists.

"So, the circus trains you in combat?" he spat lividly.

James's eyebrow quirked up at the comment.

"The only thing in this house pertaining to the circus," he replied coolly, "is that piece of work a few levels down on the evolutionary chart that, for some odd reason, takes pride in calling you her boyfriend."

"Shut your face!"

"Ooh, not very nice," James said, grinning. "But then, to tell you the truth, I'm not at all surprised to see that you're as uncivilized as you look."

Vernon's eyes darted swiftly to James's hair and he let out a snort.

"It's amusing," he said, the red now clearly visible in his face, "how someone of such filthy blood—" (The smirk slid off of James's face, his expression turning venomous) "—can think themselves worthy of even _looking_ at someone of my standards, let alone insult them based off _his own faults_ . . ."

James's eyebrows nearly disappeared behind his disheveled bangs and he found the smirk slowly returning.

"Unless you're suggesting I weigh as much as a baleen whale, I can't see how you can _possibly_ say that I'm judging off of myself. . ."

James barely had a second after he finished speaking to take notice that Vernon had grabbed something from the glass-fronted cabinet and hurled it at him. He dove to the floor as a porcelain vase flew over his head and shattered against the wall.

His glasses, which had slipped right off his nose, landed some several feet away. Fragments of Mrs. Evans's vase showered James and he raised his arms over his head. That was enough to wipe the arrogant smirk off his face.

"You bloody psychopath!" he bellowed, scanning the ground for his glasses. It wasn't long before he caught sight of them behind the sofa and stretched out his arm to retrieve them. However, something heavy collided with his ribs and he was thrust back another three feet, groaning and rolling over onto his back.

"People like you should be put in their place!" Vernon spat, grabbing the neck of James's shirt and lifting his upper body off the floor.

It didn't take long for James to register that it had been Vernon's foot that had brought that terrible ache upon him. Furious, he gripped the massive wrist holding onto him and swung his head forward so that it collided with Vernon's.

The latter of the two released his grip and both boys staggered back somewhat dazed. James accidentally stumbled over the couch and fell back into it, whereas Vernon put a hand to his forehead and blinked rapidly to erase the white spots from his view.

For a few seconds, the two seemed as if they had swallowed several glasses of firewhisky and were suffering from the aftermath. Eventually, however, James crawled off of the couch and, still looking dangerously close to collapsing, forced himself back onto his feet. Vernon shook his head violently and shot a nasty look at his rival.

"So," he hissed, "you want to play like the big boys now—"

"Oh just shut up," James retaliated, still holding a hand to his head. Without his conscious awareness, the other one flew to his pocket. Vernon's small eyes followed the movement.

"Don't you dare use that — that _thing_ against me!" Vernon warned, though there was a hint of panic in his voice.

"Yeah?" James challenged after coming to. "I suppose you're going to try and stop me?"

Vernon's face was redder than he had ever seen it. The horrible vein in his temple was throbbing dangerously. Though despite his threatening appearance, he did not dare make a move.

James's eyes widened suddenly, and Vernon caught the expression before he could conceal it. His eyes darted back to his pocket where his hand was now searching frantically for his wand. He turned both pockets inside out, but it was in neither.

Tentatively, he lifted his head, looking a great deal less confident than he had a moment ago. A smug grin slowly crept onto Vernon's face. James squinted his eyes and shifted his head to see past him. He was able to make out a blur behind the couch that were no doubt his glasses. And a little farther from them was another unclear outline of what seemed to be his missing wand.

"Aaah, so what now?" Vernon said with a very menacing grin as he began to advance on James. But the latter did not recede. "Not so tough without that stick, are you?"

Acting completely on impulse, James darted forward, catching his rival by surprise. He raced around the coffee table, leapt over the second sofa, and prepared to dive for his wand, but Vernon just managed to grab his ankle. James, however, caught hold of his wand before he was thrown back against the wall, again making contact with several of Mrs. Evans's fancy ornaments along the way. His back was now aching severely in addition to the subsiding pain in his chest.

Vernon's face was so close to his that his breath caught James completely off guard. The first raised a fist hastily, and the latter, though lacking enough room to stand comfortably, raised his wand over his head in an awkward way and aimed it directly between Vernon's eyes.

Vernon stopped so suddenly that his clenched hand just managed to stop short before James's nose. Without hesitation, the trapped one of the two raised his right leg and kicked him violently in the chest.

While his opponent was down, James, looking much worn out and disheveled, receded a little farther before Vernon could rise.

Every feeling of contempt since the moment he had stepped foot over Lily's threshold had risen within him. His face was now pale white, his lips pressed tightly together, his bare eyes narrowed and showing an expression of deepest loathing. He understood now why Muggles were so looked down upon in the Wizarding World.

James swiftly brought up his wand and pointed it directly at Vernon's chest—

_BANG!_

A brilliant flash illuminated the room, engulfing both figures in showers of red. He could hear Vernon screaming, but he, himself, clasped his hands over his ears and dropped down to his knees. The floor beneath him shook so violently that he could hear china breaking from the kitchen in addition to the earsplitting shouts all around him.

James glanced at his wand looking more panicked than ever. It couldn't have been him . . . his incantation was not powerful enough to have done _this_. But then, wizards have been known to perform magic based off of their emotions — even so, he wasn't _that_ angry.

He stole a glance at the windows and saw what seemed like a succession of several green flashes down the block.

"What the _devil_ are you doing!" Vernon bellowed. James spun around, his heart beating very rapidly to find that the person speaking was barely three feet away now.

He felt Vernon's thick fingers close around his wrist.

"Let go!" he demanded, trying to keep a hold of his wand, but Vernon seemed to be trying everything possible to get it out of his hand.

"Stop whatever it is you're doing!" he bellowed, spraying James with spit.

"It's not me!" James yelled back, wiping his face with his sleeve. He wondered how on earth he was expected to do anything about it with Vernon twisting his wand arm. "_Incarcerous!_"

Thick ropes erupted from his wand and snaked swiftly around Vernon's bulky form. He had no choice but to let go as they bound themselves tightly around his wrists and legs. Struggling, he fell to the floor trying desperately to break free.

James's arm was still in the air when someone else cited, "_Expelliarmus!_"

In a flash, he felt his wand slip from his fingers; it landed directly under the window. When he turned his head to see who had disarmed him, another incantation ("_Impedimenta!_") knocked him off his feet and sent him crashing to the floor no less than five feet away.

By the time James had opened his eyes again, the hazy outline of a girl with thick red hair and a wand of her own was looking down upon him.

"What are you playing at, Potter!" she demanded. James blinked several times as another set of footsteps hurried into the room. A momentary silence filled the room in which he noticed that all the commotion from outside had ceased (disregarding the frantic shouts of disgruntled Muggles).

"What's going on?" he heard Sirius question, but no one seemed to have the answer. Lily rounded on him, still keeping her wand pointed at James, who had taken that chance to reach for his glasses and place them back over his eyes. The vague image of the girl above him became suddenly clearer and James couldn't help but form a faint smile as he watched her.

"VERNON!" Petunia Evans suddenly screeched, having found her boyfriend tied up on the floor. She knelt down beside him and began pulling vainly on the ropes.

"Stand aside," Lily said. Her sister's hating eyes darted to her and she opened her mouth, but at the sight of the redirected wand, she immediately hastened to do as she was told, undoubtedly fearing that if she didn't, Lily was going to jinx the both of them.

Lily, however, muttered, "_Diffindo_," and slashed the ligatures. Vernon broke free and immediately rose to shelter Petunia, his face now a horrible mixture of purple and red.

"What happened?" Lily demanded. At once, Vernon's gaze fell upon James, who dared not rise with an armed Lily Evans standing right above him.

"He— he used that— he did it! It was entirely him."

"It was no—" James began, but Lily shot him such a scathing look that he shut himself up at once.

"What did he do?" she asked Vernon, finally lowering her wand.

"Not enough if he's still got a tongue to speak with," Sirius muttered darkly, casting the couple a dirty look before striding forward and reaching out a hand to help James up, but Lily intervened.

"Stay where you are," she said through gritted teeth, raising her wand once more at him. Not at all intimidated, Sirius pulled out his own and aimed it at her. Her green eyes darted from the weapon pointed at her to the wizard holding it. Her look was skeptic, but his was cool and collected. He raised a brow and smirked.

"I can tell you right now that if you plan on trying anything on me, I'll have you hexed before the spell even leaves your lips."

Lily's skepticism extinguished entirely to be replaced by a dark scowl. Slowly, she lowered her wand, but her expression showed no sign of backing down. In turn, Sirius lowered his and reached out a hand. James took it gratefully and avoided Lily's eyes, though he could feel them bearing into the back of his head.

For some strange reason, taking Sirius' help sent a wave of guilt through him. He felt as though he was turning against Lily. But then, she hadn't exactly taken his side either.

Frowning, he turned around to look at her, and was unsurprised to find her glaring back. Her dark look stayed with her as she scanned the room. Her eyes came to rest on the broken furniture, vase, and ornaments that littered the floor. Finally, she let out a sigh and turned back to him.

"For six and a half years, I have had to put up with you," she said, looking very exhausted. "And you," she added to Sirius. "It's as if your only pleasure in life is to cause me stress. Do you enjoy making me miserable?"

James and Sirius glanced at each other. He could feel the tension in the room rising. Any minute now, she was going to explode and pour out all her rage on him. He had seen it so many times before.

"Truthfully," Sirius began, "I really do think you've been a lot worse to us than we've been—"

"_Look_ what you have done to my house!" she said a little louder, holding her arms out and then letting them drop feebly back to her sides.

"That can be fixed in no time," James said, walking past her and picking up his wand. He could've sworn her lips tightened when he was near her. Disregarding her look of contempt, he waved his wand and watched as everything fixed itself.

Petunia let out a little gasp and ducked further down behind Vernon, who seemed to have held his breath as the spell was cast. The three wizards almost forgot they were there but turned now to look at them.

"If you two don't mind," Lily said politely, "would you please go back to your rooms and wait until we finish our conversation?"

Petunia pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes at her sister's request. She remained rooted to the spot, eager to keep her nose in their business a little longer. Vernon, however, did not hesitate to rush out of the room, all the while muttering under his breath. Sirius made an attempt to follow, but stopped short at Lily's demand.

"You stay here, Black. Petunia—"

"You have no right to kick me out," her sister said sternly. "This is my house as well."

And with that, she folded her arms and fell back into the couch, looking from James to Lily to Sirius with a hint of curious interest. Lily conspicuously rolled her eyes towards the ceiling before turning her back to her sister and focusing on the boys.

"All right, you two, tell me now," she said to both of them, "what happened?"

"Dursley's an idiot," James said at once, ignoring Petunia's reproachful look. "And if your sister ever marries him, just save yourself the sheer agony and throw yourself off a broom."

Petunia clenched her bony fists and shot a scathing glare at Lily, but she did not say a thing at the risk of being kicked out of the room.

"If throwing myself off a broom was the only way to end something agonizing, then believe me, I'd have been dead after our first acquaintance. Now get to the point," Lily barked.

"I just gave it to you," James said. "Dursley's an idiot, he started it all, that's all the point you need. I walked into the room, he threw a punch, I threw one back."

"Yeah? And did either one of you happen to miss and _accidentally_ destroy my entire living room?" Lily snapped sardonically, again pointing towards the fully repaired room.

"Ahhhh . . . no, that was all him. See, I assume he didn't realize that someone who's about six feet wide can't run through things that are only five feet apart—"

"Oh, you're very funny. . ."

"Actually, I'm being quite serious," James said with a humorous smile that completely betrayed his words.

Lily was now reaching a point of redness that threatened to match Vernon.

"How I ever managed to survive this long with you serving as a rainy cloud over my head everywhere I go is beyond me. Has it ever occurred to you that if you put that mind of yours to something good you might be able to do wonders? You have the potential, you're just not using it right—"

James, however, was not listening to her words. Instead, he was staring intently at her eyes, narrowed with contempt for every bit of his soul. One day, he was going to see them radiant with joy, but he had to wonder, when was that day going to come?

"Potter!"

"Huh?"

"You're not even listening to me!" she shrieked furiously.

"What's that over there?" James said quickly, pointing over her shoulder. Fortunately for him, there was something actually worth looking at. Lily abandoned her attitude and redirected her attention toward the window where several specks were now gathering down the block.

"What's going on?" she wondered aloud, making her way across the room to get a better view. James and Sirius followed and pressed their eyes close to the glass. Petunia stood up and craned her neck a little to see, but she did not dare approach the trio.

Several figures dressed in dark cloaks were speaking amongst each other near the ruins of the phenomenon that happened several minutes ago. Sirius squinted his eyes for a better look.

"Hang on," he whispered over Lily's head to James. "That's Marianne Porgey. She works at the Ministry of Magic with my dad. I heard of her; she's an Auror."

"An Auror?" Lily asked, looking up at him. She had apparently forgotten about their argument because her tone was nervous now rather than angry. "It must be pretty bad, then, whatever happened over there—"

"—Which I remind you had _nothing_ to do with me," James added, but Lily paid him no mind.

"I think we should investigate that," Sirius said eagerly to James.

"No," Lily said at once.

"Calm yourself, Head Girl. We're out of school now; we're not breaking any rules. So, what say you, Prongs?"

"I really don't think you should be disturbing them. Whatever it was, we'll be bound to hear it in the _Daily Prophet_ tomorrow," Lily said reasonably.

"What an exciting life you live, Evans," Sirius said dully.

"I keep my nose out of things that don't concern me, and by doing so I stay out of trouble," she retorted.

"Better listen to her, Padfoot," James joined in with a smirk. "Poking your nose into other people's business is _very_ serious. They'll be sending dementors after you for that."

Lily's look hardened for a second at the sarcasm, but it faltered shortly after and she turned to James.

"Dementors? Aren't those the soul-sucking creatures that guard the wizard prison, Azkaban?"

"You would know, wouldn't you?" Sirius said almost inaudibly, but she heard nevertheless and rounded on him.

"Ah, they do _much_ worse before they suck out your soul. Ever wondered what it was like to have all the happiness stolen from you?" James continued. A nasty grin was playing at his lips as the words left his mouth. Petunia shifted uneasily behind him.

"I didn't come here for horror stories," Lily replied, though the color was beginning to drain from her face. "I know what the dementors do. They're vile creatures, very much like yourselves—"

"I knew it," James said at once, cutting her off before she could finish. "You fancy the bad boys, don't you Evans?"

He regretted having said that last remark when Lily's hand struck his face, leaving him with a very stinging feeling in his left cheek.

"There is absolutely nothing I fancy about you, Potter. Your heart's as black as that mess of hair atop your head; you are an egotistic, self centered _waste_ of talent and charm and I have _no_ respect for you whatsoever."

And without a "Good night", she turned on her heel and stormed off, fists clenched and wand shooting sparks. Petunia stood up after her, shot them her usual scowl (which James was now convinced had become her default expression), and followed her sister upstairs.

"What is herproblem?" James asked incredulously as he watched Lily's thick, red hair disappear behind her bedroom door. He rubbed his cheek, glowering.

"She's an odd one. But . . . maybe you should try seeing things through her eyes," Sirius suggested rather slowly as if thinking.

James turned to him inquisitively and asked, "What d'you mean?"

"Well think about it," Sirius explained. "You've got almost every girl at Hogwarts drooling over you — besides those who are already madly in love with me, that is to say —"

A grin broke out on James's features and he found himself staring at his shoes, drinking in every word his friend was saying.

"— and yet, this _one_ girl turns up, and suddenly, your charms don't work anymore. You act the same idiotic way, you're the same foolish, enigmatic, yet slightly intelligent guy everyone else wants to be—"

"_Slightly_ intelligent," James repeated with a smirk.

"— but this girl doesn't like it. Now, you have to ask yourself 'why?' Why is it that she doesn't like you when everyone else does?"

"Because she's . . . different," James said carefully.

"Exactly," replied Sirius. "She's different. She's intelligent, talented, beautiful, and much more mature than you will probably ever be. She doesn't fall for the pranks, the Quidditch status, the good looks, and the talent; she wants someone mature."

"I can be mature," James said indignantly, folding his arms over his chest and standing up a little straighter. Sirius put his hand on his friend's shoulder and smiled.

"As much as I would like to see that, you have to decide now: Do you really want to change to impress a girl who will never really like you for who you are or would you rather end the stress and just move on to someone else?"

James looked up into Sirius' dark grey eyes and frowned, deflating slightly. Something in his friend's voice told him he was being serious now. Was acting a little more maturely that big of a sacrifice to earn the woman of his dreams? It couldn't hurt to cut down on the jokes a little bit, could it? He thought about his other option; somehow, it didn't seem too appealing.

"There is no one else," James replied decisively.

Sirius nodded and clapped James on the back.

"Good choice," he said with a wide grin. "Now—" he pulled out his wand — "I don't know about you, but I'm not waiting until tomorrow to find out what went on over there. So, are you in?"

James stole a glance at the stairs and bit his lip. It was late and Lily was probably getting ready for bed. The chances of her checking up on them were almost nonexistent.

"It couldn't hurt," he said to Sirius, drawing out his own wand. After retrieving his Invisibility Cloak, James threw it over himself and his fellow Marauder and they departed silently.

The dark night sky, freckled with hundreds of brilliantly shining stars, gave them a sort of ominous feeling. James found it curious how the street before him, although usually shining yellow, was now painted in green. Even the few witches and wizards speaking fervently amongst each other were bathed in the strange light. As far as James could see though, every streetlamp was still shining yellow.

"Come on, let's get a little closer," Sirius urged when he slowed down, but James was hesitant to approach the Aurors. He stopped and Sirius, who had been walking, accidentally pulled the cloak off James's head. He recovered it immediately, but he could have sworn one of the wizards (a tall, thin man with long, graying brown hair beside the woman, Marianne) was now looking directly at him. His look was of sudden interest, but he did not breathe a word to anyone. James had hoped the man had believed he was just seeing things.

"Come this way," James hissed at Sirius, who wasn't at all hesitant to comply now. They snuck around the corner and dashed onto the bright green backyard behind one of the broken down houses. It was too dark to see much, for the shadows of the trees were concealing most of the ground beneath them.

"Damn!" he heard Sirius breathe before he broke into a run. James cast a fleeting glance over his shoulder as he hastily kept alongside him.

He felt his heart get caught in his throat as the figure of the wizard suddenly appeared directly behind them, concealed halfway within the shadows of the house's ruins.

James's legs suddenly became very heavy as he ran faster, nearly outrunning Sirius, across the destroyed lawn. Somehow, that man was able to either see or sense them.

"Keep up," Sirius whispered breathlessly, but James was having no problem doing so until . . .

_THUD—_

His leg collided with something hard and he fell forward abruptly, taking Sirius down as well. The two landed face-first in the scorched dirt, trying desperately to get back up, but the cloak had completely slipped off and was now tangled around them.

However, when James turned back around, he was surprised to find that the man had not been following them. In fact, he was nowhere to be seen.

"Who-who was that?" James panted heavily as he attempted to untangle himself and get back to his feet.

"_What_ was that?" Sirius revised, looking over his legs to see what they were resting on.

James didn't need to be able to see his friend in order to tell that something was wrong. Sirius had stopped moving completely, keeping his wide, gray eyes focused on something. His face was covered in a mixture of sweat and dirt, but it had become drastically paler.

"Sirius?" James said apprehensively. He tried to see what he was looking at, but he didn't have a very good view from his angle. Pulling out his wand, James muttered, "_Lumos_," and aimed it at his friend's feet.

A human being, pale white, deathly cold, unmoving, and with blank, wide eyes was what he was able to catch a glimpse of before the pounding of his heart suddenly became very loud in his ears.

Pulling the cloak off very violently, he scuttled backwards and grabbed Sirius' arm, but the latter was not focusing on anything other than the dead body that they had tripped over.

"S-Sirius, mate, get up!" James bellowed, pulling him up, but Sirius refused to move. It was as if he had lost all feeling in his body. "GET UP!" James yelled at him again. Finally, with a forceful jerk, Sirius was lifted onto his feet. Breathing very quickly, he took a few steps back before spinning around and sprinting across the lawn, James hot at his heels until he realized what he had forgotten.

Stopping without Sirius' awareness, James quickly returned to the body and retrieved his cloak. He had barely snatched it up when another haunting face stared blankly into his. James fell back, startled as he realized that the second corpse was that of a child. The two were lying right beside each other, unscathed and unmarked.

He pressed a hand against his chest, for his heart was beating so rapidly and so violently that he feared it would tear through him. He receded farther and saw a stomach-turning vision — there were more of them.

James could barely utter a yell; his throat had constricted painfully. He had never felt so sick in his life. All those faces, deathly pale under that brilliantly ominous green light, had been staring up at the sky with blank eyes. In spite of himself, James, too, turned his head upward, trembling uncontrollably.

An unpleasant image amongst the gray clouds reflected in his hazel eyes — a massive green skull from whose mouth protruded a thick black snake, striking at the many peaceful stars in the blackened sky.

* * *

_I just had to throw that in. Anyway, the tension is rising as you can very well see, but I'm afraid the next update might be a little slow. Don't worry though, I have the ideas all set out already. If anyone's really bored, I revised the previous chapters a bit._

_But please take a few seconds to review first :)_


	10. Victory And Betrayal

_Hello all. I have returned, and I am very glad I did so. I was actually planning on discontinuing this fic, but then I decided that would be stupid and unfair seeing as I already have the ending planned out and fans that still want to read (or at least I hope you still do after that terribly long delay). So here I am._

_Another note: Some earlier chapters of this fic were pre Harry Potter &DH so there are some inaccurate scenes that were squashed by the fact that Lily and Snape had indeed been friends. I intend to fix that eventually._

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

Many thanks to:

**OstrasizedPotato:**_I am really sorry, this update was WAY longer than it should have been. Please forgive me._

**RandomObsessivePyschoFangirl:**_ There's much worse to come, and Lily will listen to James, rest assured. Although this chapter won't be it. _

**Super Shayde**:_Thanks for the compliments. I'm glad I can keep you hooked with my cliffhangers. We're getting closer to the end though, but there still a good few chapters to go._

**Kybo:**_ Always flattering to hear your comments. Of course they get in the middle of it all, they don't ALWAYS go looking for trouble. It sometimes has to go looking for them too. LoL, karma._

**Gjcoolio:**_ Heh, thanks. Sorry to disgust you. Glad you liked the chapter. I hope you can stick around until the end. Sorry to have taken so long to update._

_Last chapter left off with James and Sirius discovering dead bodies in a section of Lily's neighborhood and James for the first time seeing the Dark Mark._

- - - - - - - - -

**Crude Irony**

Chapt 10 – Victory and Betrayal

_The darkness before him was impenetrable, pressing against his eyes as he raced blindly across the hard, dirt-covered ground. His breathing was irregular and his muscles ached terribly. James glanced once or twice over his shoulder; he could see a figure slowly fading into the black until only his mask was visible._

_The quick-paced beating of his heart reverberated loudly in the silence; he could almost hear someone laughing now and ran faster. _

_And then suddenly, the blackness faded and he stopped in his tracks to shield his eyes as a blinding green light immersed him. He was thrown back, unable even to scream until his back hit the cold, hard floor and he let out a gasp. Faces, pearl white beneath the shadow of green, were appearing around him; dead bodies were reaching for him. He could feel his own body growing numb, his vision fading, and he, himself, getting colder . . ._

_And still, the mirthless laughter rang on, loudly as ever._

_"CRUCIO!"_

_James emitted one final cry as the curse tore through his flesh, ripping him from the inside. He could feel hot water running down his cold, pallid face._

_Someone was calling his name._

_The pain began to recede as the voice pierced through the torturing darkness._

_"James_, James! Get up!"

Almost animatedly, James's hazel eyes snapped open and he rose up into a sitting position, panting heavily and holding his head. The edge of his mattress rose suddenly as someone jumped to their feet.

"He looks sick," the same voice said frantically. "Get a compress."

"N-No," James said, and he was relieved to find that he had regained his voice. "No, I'm fine."

He looked up at the person speaking and was surprised to find her looking back, very red in the face and solicitous.

"Are you all right, Potter?" Lily asked, leaning over him and touching his forehead, but he pushed her hand away, only to realize that his was shaking violently. He was drenched in sweat and his heart was beating as if he had been running as fast as he had been in his mind a moment ago.

"Mate, how are you feeling?" Sirius asked, appearing before Lily so suddenly that she stepped back to avoid being pushed aside. "What was it? What were you dreaming?"

James looked up into his gray eyes and found himself breathing more heavily. The eyes . . . the eyes within the mask had been gray.

"N-Nothing h-happened," he choked, looking down at his bedcovers; they were tangled around him. "It was just . . . just a nightmare," he finished with a deep breath.

"You were screaming far too loudly for it to have been a mere nightmare," Lily insisted, for the first time in a long time actually looking very worried. "Tell us what happened before my parents come in."

"They won't," Sirius said hastily. "I charmed their door with _muffliato_. They won't hear a thing."

Lily looked as if she was about to ask him what _muffliato_ did, but she instead looked back at James and said, "Please, tell me what happened?"

The overdone kindness would have softened him, but every thought running through James's head was telling him not to. He knew why he was seeing what he saw, but how was he going to explain to her why he'd been out last night when she specifically asked them not to?

And what about the pain he had felt at the end? Was it even possible to cast such a torturous spell? He tried to recall the incantation, but his mind had been too focused on everything else that was happening to have paid much attention to it. Still, it seemed so familiar . . .

"I-I was dueling," he said slowly, trying to erase the mirthless laughter from his thoughts. "I was caught off guard, that's all. Probably just the aftermath of yesterday's fight."

He avoided Lily's eyes as he spoke and focused instead on the old clock hanging on the wall. If the time was accurate, then it was now three o'clock in the morning.

"You're keeping something from me," Lily said sternly, clearly unconvinced of his story. All attempts at kindness had been abandoned. "That didn't sound like any ordinary duel."

"It was just a dream, all right?" James insisted, trying to avoid using a snappish tone. He could not bear to see her looking at him. Her eyes were full of concern rather than anger; it emphasized just how bad the situation must have been.

"E-Evans," he said hesitantly. "What . . . what was it that you saw . . . on the platform — back when we were all leaving the train?"

And just like that, her lips closed together so tightly they threatened disappearance. He entwined the memories of both her back then and Sirius last night and realized that they had worn the same horrified expression. Could she have seen what they saw?

For a second, she seemed as though she was going to get up and leave his question unanswered. However, after careful consideration of the fact that he might tell her if she told him, she sat back down at the foot of his bed and said slowly, "A man . . . he was dead, but it wasn't your usual accident. There was no blood, no wound. His eyes were open and hollow. It was a bit disturbing," she mumbled, looking away.

And suddenly, Sirius understood. He cast James a significant look, as if he had realized what he had been dreaming about.

"And that's it?" James asked. "You're absolutely sure he had no mark on him?"

At this, Lily looked up at him inquiringly and somewhat suspiciously. However, she took a moment to think carefully on what he had just asked and then shook her head.

"Not that I can remember, but why the inquiry?"

She narrowed her eyes at him and leaned an inch closer.

"Is there something you want to tell me, Potter?" she asked him very soberly. He could almost feel her eyes burning through his skull into his mind.

"No," he responded curtly and then looked away. "Look, I'm sorry to have awoken you two, but it was nothing, really—" he cast a significant glance at Sirius "—I'll be fine."

And with that said, he leaned back against his pillow and turned away. He could tell Lily was still watching him for several seconds. Finally, he felt his bed rise again as she got to her feet and made her way to the door with Sirius.

But at that moment, he sat back up, remembering something that brought a smile to his face.

"Oi, Evans," he called as Sirius became a part of the darkness in the corridor behind her.

She looked at him with her eyebrows raised and replied, "Yes?"

The grin on James's face grew wider and he said quietly, "You called me James."

Lily looked surprised for a fraction of a second, apparently having expected him to mention something about their conversation. Nevertheless, she nodded and turned her back to him to leave, but he was able to catch a glimpse of the corners of her mouth twitching before she, too, disappeared.

- - - - -

The next morning was full of the usual buzz as everyone awoke and began to prepare breakfast. James, who had overslept, heard Lily's father saying his quick good-byes before Mrs. Evans called him down to eat.

"There you are," Mrs. Evans said, beaming as he arrived a few minutes later and handing him a plate of eggs and bacon. "Would you like some toast?" she asked kindly, but James smiled and muttered, "No, thank you."

He was surprised to see another person sitting at the table in addition to Lily.

"'Morning Mierra," he said a little stiffly to the girl, for her eyes had been glued to him since the moment he noticed her. "Have you seen Sirius?" he asked, looking around.

"He left a moment ago," Lily replied as she buttered her toast.

James nodded tiredly and stifled another yawn. He had probably missed him on his way out of the room. When James sat down across Lily, he noticed that Mierra's eyes had followed him. He gave her a look and turned to Lily, but he didn't have to think much before the answer came to him.

_She told her and now she thinks I'm mad. . ._

Lily shifted slightly and Mierra let out a soft "Ouch" before turning away from James.

"I saw that," he said carelessly to Lily while stabbing his bacon with his fork.

"So, what are you lot going to be doing today?" Mrs. Evans asked while setting down some more crisped bread before them.

"Shouldn't we start decorating?" Lily asked, but her mother chuckled and said, "No, no, you can leave that to your father and I. Spend some time with your friends, dear."

"It'd be faster with magic," Lily insisted, casting an uneasy look at James at her mother's suggestion.

"Don't worry about it," Mrs. Evans insisted with a stern look. Again, James couldn't help but get suspicious at her mother's behavior.

"Hey," Mierra said suddenly, pointing at the television. She took out her wand and gave it a wave. The reporter's voice magnified and James found himself very interested in what she was saying.

"_All direct witnesses were found dead at the scene. However, several neighborhood residents claim to have seen a series of red and green flashes. We caught up with Margaret Scippet a few blocks down to ask for her account._"

The camera shifted now to reveal a plump old lady that looked as if she had just woken up. There were still curlers in her graying hair and she was wearing a faded pink dressing gown.

"_I really don't know what to say. The whole thing was a disaster. I assume it had been a couple of teenagers messing around with fireworks to celebrate a little early, and I guess it just went out of control."_

The camera switched back to the reporter and she continued:

"_The circumstances are suspicious. Many lay dead all over lawns, streets, and even in their own homes. However, police have confirmed that none of the twenty-six bodies had so much as a burn on them."_

"_It was as if they just dropped dead of their own accord," _a portly officer commented, shrugging.

James narrowed his eyes curiously, unaware that Lily had refocused her attention on him. No one had yet mentioned the mark he had seen in the sky. Had no one else noticed it? Perhaps the Aurors took care of it before anyone else arrived?

"_So there you have it: twenty-six unscathed victims, a series of red and green sparks, vague witness accounts, and a very enigmatic story indeed,"_ the reporter concluded. _"Back to you, Jim."_

"Oh dear," Mrs. Evans mumbled to herself. "And it was so close by, too. I don't know what's going on anymore. This isn't the first time something like this has happened within the past month alone. Best be careful," she said to the three of them before throwing her apron aside and exiting the kitchen through the double-doors.

With another wave of her wand, Mierra turned the volume down again and looked around at both Lily and James.

"What d'you reckon is happening?" she asked nervously. Neither of the two had an answer for her.

"Things are changing," Lily said very solemnly. She paused and looked down at her empty plate. Her hands were shaking slightly as she added, "One thing's certain though. Those attacks were definitely not the result of fireworks. There was magic involved. I just hope the Ministry will give us answers."

But James knew at once that this was out of the Ministry's control. He had seen all of those Aurors last night; not one of them seemed to know what they were dealing with.

He closed his eyes and thought about Remus and Peter. Were they even aware of what was going on? He imagined them laughing, spending time with their families, completely unknowing of what was unfolding around them.

His throat became dry. Or what if they did know? What if those creatures — those dark figures in masks — had caught up with them? What if they were torturing them as they had done to him last night in his dream?

_Don't be stupid_, he scolded himself fiercely. _That's all it was — a dream. Such a spell doesn't even exist._

But he couldn't help wonder, then, why it felt so real . . .

"_Truth be told, I'm rather worried about Lily."_

James's head shot up at Remus' unexpected warning; his throat constricted as he recalled the fleeting memory.

"_She's Muggle-born. You know how they are — _vicious._"_

_Muggle-born . . ._

That was it. It all suddenly made sense. At the train station, down the block — they were attacking _Muggles_. His heart became very loud again in his head as he threw a glance at Lily. She was talking to Mierra, unaware that she was a perfectly vulnerable target. And what about her parents, her sister?

Well, her parents anyway . . .

He was spared the frightening mental images as Sirius' voice suddenly pierced through his frantic thoughts. He appeared through the double-doors announcing, "I have explained everything to Moony and Wormtail."

"How?" James asked, relieved to have been distracted. "You haven't an owl—"

"Floo Powder," Sirius said carelessly. "Anyway, Remus is worried more about us than about what happened. He urges us to keep our noses out of this and says to put an Imperturbable Charm on Lily's house."

"An Imperturbable Charm will do nothing against them. They wiped out an entire block in less than a minute, their magic is superior to ours," James interrupted, but Sirius just went on with his message.

"And Wormtail," he continued carelessly, reverting back to nicknames, "spent no less than five minutes rambling on about how we're all going to die if we don't go back to Hogwarts."

"Well that's typical," James muttered, taking another bite of his omelet.

The tension in the room was beginning to disappear now that Sirius had arrived. He put on a big grin and announced, "It's a lovely day to plaster the windows white. If anyone needs me, I'll be outside."

And grabbing a piece of toast, he disappeared once more through the double-doors.

James found himself sitting alone that afternoon with his face pressed against the icy window. Despite the ominous events taking place right beneath them all, everyone seemed to be lighthearted and festive. The block that had received the damage last night was now covered by yellow tape that read: POLICE LINE DO NOT CROSS. It was blackened and murky-looking beneath the layers of glistening snow, but everyone had completely disregarded it, no doubt assuming that it had indeed just been some pesky teenagers messing around with fireworks.

Children still played around in their yards, throwing snowballs at each other and laughing cheerfully. Adults were still speaking carelessly amongst each other through the curtains of their windows. Mrs. Evans was humming to herself in the living room as she cheerily prepared for the coming holiday. Even Sirius seemed to be enjoying himself as he bewitched hoards of snow to fly at unsuspecting passerby (Mierra had fallen victim to it and returned inside with a face full, muttering under her breath about obnoxious neighborhood children). Still, he wasn't fooled by the façade.

Though laughing joyously at Mierra, James saw that there were times when his friend would stop for a moment, frowning, and he knew that Sirius was desperately trying to forget about what he had seen, but there was no use. The image was permanently embedded in their minds.

The front door slammed shut and James jerked his head away from the window; the part of his face that had been pressed against it was now pale and cold. Seconds later, Lily entered the kitchen, thickly wrapped in sweatshirts and a long coat. There were flakes of snow captured in her thick, wavy, crimson hair and her lips were starting to turn blue. She didn't even look at James when she sat down at the table and took an apple from the fruit bowl.

"Something's wrong with you," she guessed suddenly, catching him off guard.

He looked around to make sure he was the only other person in the room before saying, "I'm sorry?"

"You're upset," Lily elaborated, "about something. Ever since this morning you've been looking rather . . . peaky. Care to share what's on your mind?"

She took a bite out of her apple without so much as glancing at him.

"I'm just a little worried, that's all," he replied simply, turning back to the window to watch a snowball fly straight into a passing ten year old. Sirius' laughter rang in his head, echoing that of the mysterious figure in his dream. A part of him was itching to tell her everything, but he knew she would overreact.

"We're all a little worried," Lily said quietly, still not looking at him and he, likewise, not looking at her, "but we're trying to push it aside and move on. Things happen, and we all know that this is no coincidence, but honestly, who do you think is going to attack us this early in the day?"

James watched the falling snow — pure, white little flakes that so contrasted with what was going on inside his mind. He knew that she was speaking sensibly now, but he could not see himself trying to act as if it was all behind them. They didn't see what he saw — they didn't witness the giant serpent emerging from that skull's mouth, they didn't feel that almost existent pain that he had had to endure, and, worse than anything, they didn't see the dead child staring blankly into the night sky, never to see its splendor again.

There were so many things he had been keeping, even from Sirius. His stomach gave an uneasy turn. He recalled how he had been only a few weeks ago — foolish, uncaring, unknowing, and more eager than ever at the thought of staying with the Evanses over the holidays.

It was all turning into a disaster.

"James . . ."

James jumped in surprise and whipped around. Lily was no longer sitting in her chair at the other end of the kitchen. She was now standing right beside him, looking up at him. He could feel her emerald eyes staring disconcertedly into his hazel ones; the intensity of her gaze was making him feel very hot . . . too hot for a winter's day. She had never looked at him like that. And yet again, she had called him by his first name . . .

James managed to pry his eyes away from hers as the urge to lean closer began to overwhelm him. He knew that he was allowing himself to get too hopeful. She was trying to get on his better side in exchange for answers, that was all. It was nothing more than that.

"I'll tell you what," she said, grabbing his sleeve when he turned away. "How about we take a nice little flight with Black and Mierra at the park? No one will be there, not after what's been going on. The outdoors will do you some good."

James suddenly found the falling snow very interesting as he tried as best as he could to keep his eyes off of Lily. The very thought of getting back on his broom thrilled him, but the idea that Lily was being so kind to him made him a little uneasy. Nevertheless, he looked up (still forcing his eyes to stray from hers) and said, "I guess it couldn't hurt. . ."

No one else seemed to have any objections to the idea, for as soon as Lily suggested it, Mierra and Sirius were running upstairs to retrieve their brooms. After camouflaging themselves with the Disillusionment Charm, the four set off, led by Lily, to the deserted park she had been speaking of.

The distance was only a minute away by flight, and when they arrived, James was unsurprised to see almost everything had taken the white shade of the flakes that were falling from the cloudy sky. The playground, trees, and field had all been veiled by thick sheets of snow. They were nearly undistinguishable. Lily was right — the area was completely deserted except for the four of them.

"Right. Let's take the charms off so that we can all see each other," Mierra announced, tapping herself with her wand. She had been staring at a particularly empty space before her, convinced that someone was floating there. Lily was next to appear, alongside Sirius. James drew out his own wand and tapped himself with it. An odd liquid-like feeling snaked up his spine and he shivered involuntarily.

"So," Lily said, looking around blankly at the others. "What d'you want to do?"

"Well," said Sirius, pulling what seemed to be a stolen cricket ball from the inside of his cloak, "I know what Prongs and I are going to be doing. You girls can watch if you want." He tapped the ball with his wand and it grew several sizes bigger until it resembled a Quaffle. "Knicked it off of that little girl earlier," he whispered to James, who had a difficult time repressing a grin at Sirius' ignorance to the fact that it was a boy he had pummeled.

With another wave of the wand, three floating rings were conjured on either side of the field.

"What do you mean 'you _girls_ can watch'?" Lily barked at him, and James was relieved to see that her expression had regained its usual fiery passion. "You believe we are incapable of flying? Do we lack certain requirements — ten fingers perhaps?"

Sirius let out an almost bark-like laugh and turned to look at Lily.

"Lighten up, Evans, I'm just teasing. You two are more than welcome to play if you can deal with the embarrassment."

Lily's cheeks turned almost as red as her hair and her eyes flashed dangerously. She held on tightly to her broom and descended onto the snow-covered ground, mounted and ready.

"All right then. Girls versus boys. Let's see what you can do."

Sirius accepted the challenge and, likewise, dived down until his feet were touching the ground. Mierra joined Lily on the opposite end of the field and James flew down to Sirius.

However, when he set his trainers down against the ground, he was surprised to find that no snow crunched beneath them. Instead, when he looked down, he saw that he was standing on what looked like a vast, ice-covered lake that stretched on as far he could see over his shoulder. Though seemingly white, he was able to make out hints of black reflecting off of the ice.

"All right," Sirius yelled to the girls, "here are the rules: There will be no Keepers, seeing as we're short several players. No Seeker, no Beaters. Instead, each team has only two Chasers. The objective is to try to steal the Quaffle before they can score against you. You are allowed to try to knock people off their brooms as a regular Beater would, but you are not to use wands unless it is to slow your fall if you are thrown off."

James was only taking in fractions of Sirius' words. For some odd reason, this lake intrigued him. It reminded him so much of Hogwarts' black lake and it too, he noticed, separated into little streams that disappeared behind a thick mass of trees. He craned his neck to see a little further, but there was nothing he could make out from within the forest — only blackness. He made a note to avoid flying over the vast assortment of trees; he did not want to fall off his broom and end up in a place like that.

"All right, on three then . . ." Sirius bellowed, pulling out his wand and levitating the ball in the midpoint of the playing field. "One . . ."

James drew his eyes away from the foreboding woods and leaned closer against his broom.

"Two . . ."

He pulled out his wand and muttered, _"Impervius"_ to shield his glasses from the falling snow. Sirius glanced at him, smirked, and then jerked his wand upward so that the Quaffle was thrown into the air.

"Three."

James kicked off the slippery ice rather clumsily, but regained his composure as he picked up speed and tore through the air. An inexpressible feeling surged through him as the wind whipped smoothly against his face. It was as if the gloomy malevolence that had been choking him was beginning to disappear. He had so longed for such freedom . . .

James stretched out a hand as Mierra sped straight at him from the opposite end. She smirked lightly at him and reached out for the "Quaffle" as well, but James closed his arm around it and swerved out of the way, reminding himself not to get too close to the foliage.

"Padfoot!" he called, tossing the ball through the air. Sirius darted through the sky and appeared right beside it in the blink of an eye, closing his hand around it and zooming straight past Mierra for the opposite goal . . .

James flew closer to the center of the field so that he was now alongside his fellow Chaser.

"Evans," Sirius said suddenly, lifting the handle of his broom so that he flew upwards, but he wasn't quick enough. To James's utter bewilderment, Lily had appeared out of nowhere and collided with Sirius' shoulder. He stumbled sideways off his broom as she grabbed the released Quaffle and flew off towards their goals.

"Padfoot," James gasped, but Sirius had grasped onto his broomstick, performed an aerial flip, and appeared seated right side up looking somewhat dumbfounded.

Wasting no time, James pulled to the left and spun around so that he was now hot on Lily's trail. She spared a glance over her shoulder, but by the time her eyes rested on him, he was now right beside the tail of her broom.

"Get lost, Potter" she said with a dark smirk. James frowned at her sudden change of character, realizing that she was wearing the very look she hated about him. And yet, he liked the aggressiveness in her tone . . .

Without warning, she pulled herself to a halt and stretched her arm back. James barely registered what had happened, but his subconscious mind and skilled reflexes caused him to stop as well, though due to the sudden jolt, he ended up spiraling a little ahead of her before coming to a halt looking briefly dazed.

He reached out an arm as the Quaffle came flying towards the middle ring and caught it effortlessly.

"Good save, Prongs!" Sirius called from the opposite end of the field. Lily looked taken aback and James raised a brow at her, grinning. He leaned forward and took off again, throwing the ball admirably across the pitch to Sirius, who caught it and sped forward.

However, Mierra proved to be an obstacle as she circled around the three goals, eyeing him warily.

"Oi, Dawson!" he called, grabbing her attention. Then, almost as quickly, he tossed the Quaffle to James who flew around the goals instead of shooting. The move had been fortunate on his part, for Mierra had dived toward the left goal to catch it, but she found herself empty handed, leaving James a clear shot when he came back around on the right.

"One, nil!" Sirius bellowed as James thrust it through the ring. He clapped hands with him and ruffled his hair when he returned. "You ladies get the Quaffle," he said in mock politeness to Lily as she flew past, glaring daggers at them both.

The game prolonged another hour (James constantly showing off with various moves that he was well known for back at Hogwarts and Sirius surprising everyone with an impressive goal that required him to knock the Quaffle in by flipping forward on his broom and hitting it with its tail) until the score reached eleven to two. The girls were looking very agitated by now, but Lily seemed determined to put up a good fight.

James had to admit though that they were individually playing very impressively. Their only weaknesses were that they weren't strong on the passing and that they were playing against a Quidditch legend and the person who had helped train him since their first year together at Hogwarts (secretly of course, seeing as broomsticks weren't allowed).

Nevertheless, he admired Lily's remarkable Sloth Grip Roll that had managed to get her past him and score a goal for her team. But when he had asked why she hadn't tried out as a Gryffindor Chaser, she simply retorted, with indifference, "Because that would have required me to work alongside you, wouldn't it?"

It was only after Sirius announced the score that he drew out his wand, caught the Quaffle in midair, and called a timeout. James, Lily, and Mierra all stopped and turned to look at him.

"What's up?" Mierra inquired slightly irritably.

"Our score," Sirius said, unable to suppress a grin, "by nine points. Am I the only one noticing that we're forming a landslide?"

"That doesn't prove anything except that you two spend more time with your heads in the clouds," Lily retorted, pulling several strands of hair from her face against the wind.

"All right then," James suggested. "Let's make it fair then. We'll form new teams. One of us each goes with one of you. How does that sound?"

Lily was slightly taken aback by this, but she recovered quickly and regained her cool composure.

"Fine. We'll choose."

"Go on then," Sirius tempted. "Who do you want?"

James's eyes immediately darted from Sirius to Lily and he found himself thinking desperately, _Me._

"You," she said, looking at Sirius, much to James's disappointment. He deflated rapidly as he watched him nod and the two flew over to the other end of the field.

"Come on," Mierra said to him as she receded in the opposite direction. James followed her, feeling the knot in his stomach loosen barely. He had practiced alongside Mierra before, back in their second year when he was still serving as the Gryffindor Seeker. She had played well enough, but of course, he couldn't forget that back then the circumstances were a little different. He doubted she would have cared at all to do well now.

"All right then. Same rules apply, and now that I've got Evans on my side, I needn't worry too much about the beating part," Sirius announced verbosely. "Score goes by ten now, game ends at fifty. On three then — one, two . . ."

As soon as he hit three, James was off again, speeding for the Quaffle. It was a close call; he caught it just before Sirius had managed to, and the two of them partially collided before either could separate.

Nevertheless, he shrugged it off and tossed the ball to the right where Mierra was awaiting the pass. She dove under Lily and tossed it back rather clumsily to James, but Sirius took hold of it instead.

"Evans!" he called unnecessarily, for Lily was already by the unguarded goals when he tossed her the Quaffle.

James spun around swiftly and dove after her. She stretched out a hand to catch it, but he caught her astonished look when he streaked past the narrow distance between her and the ball and grasped it right out from in front of her.

"Nice try, Evans," he said, flipping around to face her. She had stopped, apparently still recovering from his surprisingly rapid save. He wanted nothing more right now than to rub it in, to make her regret not having picked him.

Diving down again, he passed the Quaffle back to Mierra, who barely caught it.

"Don't struggle," he advised as they flew towards the opposite goals. "Just ease up, relax. Just like we used to—"

He caught himself short as the words slipped his tongue. Fortunately though, Lily didn't seem to have heard. She was flying some distance above them, whereas Sirius had strangely disappeared.

James looked back at Mierra, feeling a strong wave of guilt pass through him at the odd feeling he had had; a part of him was actually hoping Lily had heard, just to get a reaction.

"Hey!" Mierra suddenly announced cheerily, throwing him the Quaffle. He caught it with ease and smiled.

"Good," he said. "Like that."

"Sorry to interrupt your session," Sirius' voice said from his left. James whipped around so quickly that he felt a painful crick in his neck. Lily dove in right between him and Mierra and both she and Sirius rammed into him, forcing him to release the Quaffle as she caught hold of it and turned back around.

Mierra stopped and turned, laughing.

"Are you all right?" she said, but James was frowning as he straightened his glasses.

"Oi, Dawson," he said, catching her unawares at the use of her last name, "remember that three-part tactic I taught you?"

She paused a second to recall what he was talking about and then smiled somewhat wickedly. "I think so . . ."

"Wonderful," James said, with an equally deviant smirk. "Sirius, mate!"

Sirius, who had currently had the Quaffle in possession, thrust it effortlessly through James's and Mierra's middle goal ring and turned around with a sneer.

"Yes, Prongs?" he asked, but his grin slid off his face as James flew past, whipping him lightly with his cloak and nearly causing him to fall off his broom.

"Enjoy your lead while it lasts," he called behind him, snatching the falling Quaffle and turning around so fast that Sirius had barely managed to balance himself by the time James soared past him again, this time tossing the Quaffle to Mierra and shoving Sirius so hard that he was thrown off his broom and had to grab hold of it with his hands.

Lily didn't hesitate to follow her brunette friend at full speed, but she had barely caught up when Mierra threw the ball to James, who in turn caught it and tossed it back as soon as Lily refocused her attention on him.

Mierra didn't even get a good grip on it by the time she passed it back, and the trend continued for several more yards as they neared their rivals' goals. . .

Lily's eyes were following the rapidly moving Quaffle back and forth, desperately trying to get a grip on it, but her opponents were too quick.

Finally, she lunged forward, her fingers barely brushing against the Quaffle's surface as James sent it back. She had nearly closed her hand around it when Mierra performed a surprisingly tricky move that Lily suspected had James Potter's name copyrighted all over it.

Mierra closed her hands around the handle of her broomstick and pushed her lower body up onto it. Lily nearly let the Quaffle slip from her grasp as her friend pulled herself onto the broom and let go, slowly rising into a standing position. Then, quickly, she turned left, directly towards the startled Lily, and for a second the latter thought that they were going to crash.

However, Mierra kicked off her broom and leapt right over her. Performing a sort of cartwheel, she closed her hands around the Quaffle while upside down and then snatched it right out of Lily's hands before landing seated on her broom, which had flown right under her red-haired friend.

Lily stared blankly for a second at the spot where she had just been before turning now to her left and seeing her friend's cloak whip out of sight as she sped forward.

James flew right, over the awestruck girl and then dived until he was level with her. A foreboding smile crept onto his lips. He did not want her to miss a second of this . . .

As Mierra thrust the Quaffle through the right goal and then darted around the ring to knock it back to her teammate, James flew left.

Lily stopped so abruptly that she nearly fell forward off her broom, for he had just appeared before her. Then, very grandiloquently, James flipped backwards off his broom and landed on its end with his hands. He kicked the Quaffle that Mierra had passed back and sent it straight through the left goal in a fraction of a second.

Lily, by now, was staring very blankly. She had given up trying to retrieve the Quaffle and merely sat, watching, as James withdrew from his handstand and sat back down, smiling at her as Mierra caught up with the ball just as she was flying over the middle ring. Swiftly, she caught it, swerved, and thrust it in with all the force she could muster. The aim was off, but she managed to just barely make it in.

"Thirty to ten," James bellowed loudly to Sirius, flaunting a very blatant smirk. He caught a glimpse of Mierra smiling at him before turning away frowning, suddenly feeling a little uneasy.

"Where did you learn to do that?" Sirius demanded, looking just as dumbstruck as the motionless Lily.

"Bloody brilliant, wasn't it?" James said coolly, flying past the three rings to retrieve the Quaffle.

"More like bloody unfair," Sirius said darkly. "All right then. You're up by twenty. Still close enough to catch up."

James let out a laugh that sounded very much like mockery and said, "You wish."

Then, tossing the Quaffle to Sirius, he flew back around the field to guard his own rings, deeply hoping that Mierra would choose to remain near the enemy's side. However, despite his internal pleas, she had followed after him and was now readying to confront Sirius.

James watched them struggle with each other and debated with himself whether to join in or to guard Lily. In the end, however, he listened more to desire than to strategy and flew closer to the shivering girl.

"You know, it'd be a lot less cold if you were to actually move around," he suggested, stopping right beside her.

"We've been at this for over an hour. I can't feel my hands anymore. How do you expect me to fly without falling off my broom?" Lily responded breathlessly, sparing only a fleeting glance at him as she watched Mierra shove Sirius in a hopeless attempt to steal the Quaffle.

"Well, if you're worried about falling," James said, trying his best to fight back the playful smile that was creeping onto his lips, "I can always catch you."

Lily turned to give him a look before saying very quietly to herself, "You're back to normal . . ."

James laughed heartily and looked down at his hands — they were less than a foot away from hers.

"By the way," Lily said suddenly, lifting her gaze again as Sirius scored against Mierra. She bellowed, "Potter!" but James ignored it. "When exactly did you have a chance to teach Mierra those moves?"

James's heart froze in his throat. That was off topic.

"Why the sudden interest?" he asked, though his voice was seriously lacking its usual confidence. Lily paused a moment as if thinking what to say and then shrugged.

"I don't know . . . I guess I was just so startled that someone who plays like Mierra would be able to perform such a complicated technique. Obviously she didn't learn it herself, and since you didn't deny that you were the one who showed it to her, I can only assume you two had a lot of time to spend practicing it—"

"No," James said flatly. "She was curious, that's all. She had considered trying out as a Chaser for the team so I showed her a technique that she could've used—"

"And yet with a move like that she didn't make the team?" Lily inquired rather unperturbedly. "Strange though, she never mentioned anything to me about trying out for Quidditch . . ."

"She didn't," James invented at once. "Lack of confidence brought her down."

Lily was saved the trouble of having to respond when Mierra's voice called out to them.

"Sorry to interrupt what I'm sure must've been a very fascinating conversation, but we're in the middle of a game, Potter, and Black's caught up with us."

She said this so coldly that James couldn't help but wonder if the girl was even sorry at all to have intervened. Nevertheless, he gave Lily a curt nod and took off again, but not before she said, "And Potter . . . next time you wish for me to stop interrogating you about your countless affairs, just come right out and say it."

James watched her fly off with a very deep frown on his face that threatened to blemish his handsome features. There was something about the way she said "countless" that made him feel as if his heart had dropped from his throat to his stomach.

And yet, was she wrong?

The game progressed uneventfully as Sirius and Mierra fought tremendously with each other, each trying to score against the other. Every now and then, James would intervene and make a slick save, but otherwise, he retired to flying aimlessly around the pitch. Lily was levitating below him, waiting for the Quaffle that she was probably hoping wouldn't come.

Twice, James thought to go talk to her, and twice, he found himself unable to. It was true that he had dated nearly every Gryffindor and Ravenclaw in his year and a few older Hufflepuffs, but what did it matter? Hadn't she always said no to him anyway? Sometimes, he couldn't help wonder what Lily Evans' problem was with him. Everyone else thought him to be a gift to the world — she acted as though she couldn't care less if he was alive or not.

James was jerked back to reality at a heavy collision with his and Sirius' shoulders. He gripped his broomstick firmly and rebalanced himself just as Sirius raised his hand to throw the Quaffle. Mierra intercepted his attempt, however, by pushing herself against his arm. The result was a very poorly aimed throw that was to be followed by a fierce collision with Lily Evans' head.

James sat on his broom stupidly for the second to follow, mouth gaping open and mind racing. She had lost her grip; she was falling . . .

Mentally smacking himself back to the world, he tore after her in the swiftest dive that he had ever managed to pull off. He could hear Sirius tailing him. James leaned as far forward as he could and held out his hand. Lily, gazing somewhat dumbstruck, didn't even seem to feel his fingers wrap around her wrist.

James pulled out of the dive with the same impressive rapidity, lifting her onto his broom. He seated her in front of him and she swayed slightly before coming to.

"Sorry, Evans," Sirius said, slowly flying past them; James had come to a halt, afraid to make any sudden movements for threat of her falling off. "Are you all right?"

"Don't worry, she'll come around," James said, silently urging Sirius to leave him alone at this opportune moment. Fortunately enough, their many years of communicating with facial expressions throughout detentions had led Sirius to catch onto James's silent entreaty. He nodded and took off again with a grin.

Lily moaned slightly and took hold of the broom with one hand, the other flying up to her head and pressing against it with her palm.

"That . . . hurt," she mumbled to herself.

"Would you like me to kiss it for you?" James asked a little childishly, causing Lily to jump, startled, and turn around to face him. She looked absolutely mortified when she saw just how close she was to him. However, the look quickly melted and she looked back down at the twenty foot distance between them and the snow-covered ground.

"Yeah, you can go ahead and let me fall now," she said wryly. James couldn't help but laugh at the remark, though he wished he hadn't. If the girl of his dreams was choosing a twenty foot drop against sitting on the same broomstick as him, something was seriously wrong.

"I can never figure you out," he blurted suddenly, realizing what he had said a second too late.

"What's there to figure out?" Lily asked him, trying hard to inch forward and as far from him as possible.

James cursed himself for allowing that to slip, but there was no point in hiding his inner debates any longer.

"Well, one minute you're all concerned about me and acting as if we've been lifelong friends, and then the next you're practically telling me you'd rather be dead than be a foot close to me. Now, as you can probably imagine, we guys aren't as complex as you women, so when you lead us on one minute and then pretty much slap us in the face the next, it often confuses the crap out of us."

"Then let me make this as clear to you as possible," Lily said very slowly. "Our third year together, you asked me out, I said no. Our fourth year together, you asked me out, I said no. Our fifth year together, you asked me out, I said no. An hour after that you asked me out again, and again, I said no. Sixth year was a no, seventh year was a no. Now tell me something, did your parents ever define the word 'no' for you?"

James paused a moment before answering, "No. Everything with them is always a 'Yes'."

Lily didn't seem surprised at all.

"Well that explains a lot," she mumbled.

"Evans, if you move any further you're going to end up leaving a very accurate imprint of yourself in the snow," James warned, seeing that she was now only inches away from the edge.

"Thanks for the warning," Lily said dryly.

"I'm telling you, girls should come with a warning label whenever they're about to have mood swings."

And as Lily turned to give him a very pitying look, James found himself subconsciously wondering what he could have done in the past few hours that made her so hostile again. And then everything clicked. A sly grin crept onto his face, deepening Lily's unpleasant expression.

"What?" she asked him.

"You're jealous," he said, almost laughing.

"Beg pardon?"

"You've figured out that I dated Mierra for a week in our second year and now you're seething with bitter contempt," he said confidently. "Rest assured, however, that it was a onetime, meaningless thing and I have not and do not have any desire to start over with her, so you may lay your insecurities to rest."

He was unsure whether it was the weather's doing or merely Lily's, but her cheeks were steadily turning a light shade of pink. Her eyes, so full of concern only hours ago, were wide and disbelieving. Her mouth was gaping open slightly. Again, James found it very difficult to keep himself from leaning closer to her . . .

. . . The urge was gone as soon as she found her voice.

"Yes," she said shortly with defeated sarcasm, "Yes, you're _absolutely_ right. All this time there was a savage beast inside of me, seeking to tear my very friend to pieces over a guy that I'm desperately in love with and have, therefore, turned down so many bloody times, making it perfectly clear that I value dirt more than him. Thank you, Potter, for calming the beast within me. I appreciate it, really."

And, pulling out her wand, she Summoned her broom back and transferred onto it, leaving James with a look that seemed to balance between a triumphant grin and a very baffled frown.

Sirius and Mierra had apparently forgotten all about them, for they were still at it, each trying to pry the Quaffle from the other's hands. Lily had joined in now, looking refreshed and ready for aggressive competition. James was unsure of whether he was exaggerating or not, but he could have sworn that she shot a very nasty look at Mierra.

He was desperate now for a reaction from her; he had to know if what she had just said was a load of rubbish to conceal the thought of him being right. . .

And so, James rejoined the game as well, catching Sirius completely off his guard and stealing the ball. He tossed it to Mierra who immediately flew towards the opposite end. Lily, still glaring moodily, shot after her.

"Knock her off her broom Evans!" Sirius called. "It's all right, she practically did the same to you earlier—"

But Lily was not listening to his words, nor was she seeking to attempt murder on Mierra. Instead, she shot a quick glance at James (catching him completely by surprise) and then flew under her. Very quickly, and rather inexpertly, Lily copied James's move and flipped backwards on her broom, kicking the Quaffle right out of Mierra's arm.

She landed back shakily and then ascended to catch it before the girl even comprehended that she had been snuck up on. James was so taken aback by Lily's abrupt conversion to dangerous impulse that he did nothing to stop her from flying right past him and scoring.

"What was that?" Mierra asked, stunned, and James found himself wondering the same thing.

"It was bloody brilliant! Point game now. Forty to thirty," Sirius stated, tossing James the Quaffle.

He caught it purely on reflex, for his mind had not yet recovered from Lily's anger-driven move. What was it that upset her so much? Surely it was not something he said, or she would have shrugged it off by now. He would have given anything right about now to learn what was going on in her mind. Clearly, something they had spoken about was unnerving her.

Carelessly, he tossed the Quaffle to Mierra and went to guard Sirius, though not for the reason that he would be giving her an easier attempt at scoring. He was curious to see what Lily would dish out next. However, he was disappointed to see that she was no longer daring to try a stunt like the she one she had pulled anytime soon. Instead, she merely tried to retrieve the ball, but Mierra aimlessly tossed it.

James soared forward as it rebounded off the edge of the ring and knocked it back with his arm, scoring them another ten points and tying with Sirius and Lily.

As they returned to their opposite sides, James could feel Lily's dazzling green eyes gazing at him, burning through him. She had regained her vulgar, that was for sure.

The Quaffle was passed to Sirius, who then gave it to Lily, undoubtedly itching to see what else she could do. This time, however, it was James who decided to confront her. Ordering Mierra to take the other end of the field, he receded readily as Lily approached.

He had expected her to draw back her arm and throw it as hard as she could at him, for him to break her attempt and surprise her with yet another of his magnificent saves. Instead, however, Lily came to a stop and tossed it over her shoulder at Sirius, who was heading straight for the right goal—

But James had not earned his immense popularity as a Chaser by allowing a surprise like that to perturb him. He darted after Sirius, kneed the ball right out of his grip, caught it, and then tossed it, with all the strength he could muster, across the field toward Mierra.

Caught off guard and unwilling to release her broom to catch it, she quickly spun around and knocked it forcefully with the tail of her broom straight into the middle goal, earning them their win.

It took a moment for the events to sink in before her confusion turned to an ecstatic expression of triumph. No one in the world could have competed with the overly eager grin she was now wearing.

Deeply satisfied at the look on Lily's face at Mierra making the winning shot, James descended from his broom and stepped foot on the ground, feeling rather lightheaded at the sudden change of elements. Sirius appeared right beside him, clapping him on the back and saying, "Good game, Prongs, though I'm not too giddy about you nearly dislocating my jaw."

"Anytime, mate," James said serenely, turning to walk away.

And then, completely unexpected, unplanned, and unwanted, James felt his knees buckle as someone threw themselves onto him in a tight embrace. To his utter horror, he felt a pair of lips entwine with his own, sending an erupted wave of panic through his body.

Apparently, his offender got the same reaction, for just as quickly as it had happened, she pulled away, leaving James staring horrorstruck at a mortified Mierra.

The smile that had expressed her clear euphoria at the game's end was nowhere to be seen. Her cheeks were now pure red of embarrassment. She mouthed a swear word that James had found himself thinking just before he turned around.

The blistering heat rising rapidly in his face was nothing under the blazing eyes of Lily Evans. Her broom nearly slipped from her weak grasp as she stood, frozen. Thick locks of crimson fluttered gently against her reddened face. She looked mutinous, venomous — and then . . .

Her expression hardened to stone, and she gazed dispassionately at him — standing there pathetically, anxious hazel eyes widened to their fullest extent and body steadily turning to lead — before turning on her heel and storming off against the rush of wind and snow until she was no more.

_The poor guy never gets a break does he? Lily Evans is always turning away from him. But don't worry, it can still get better . . . right?_


	11. Locked In

Crude Irony

_It's been ages since my last update. I'm sorry for the delay. Junior Year really is the hardest year of High School. Thanks to my wonderful readers, reviewers, and those who have this story on their Alerts list._

_Last chapter left off with Mierra kissing James in front of Lily after their Quidditch game._

**Crude Irony**

Chapt 11 – Locked In

Christmas Day was drawing closer, and the presents had begun to pile up under the extravagant tree. Though the streets were howling with reckless wind and falling snow, the walls of the Evans' home carried the warmth emanating from the frequently lit fireplace. Sirius had taken to his usual custom of singing Christmas carols, more than often following Petunia around whenever she entered the room. Vernon's visits had decreased dramatically after his brawl with James; Petunia would go to his house instead whenever she was not required to spend time with her family. Mr. and Mrs. Evans were often out of the house finishing up whatever work was required of them before the holidays, so Petunia was barely ever around to dampen the mood.

However, even in the presence of such a cheerful atmosphere, melancholy still lurked around James and Lily. Mierra had stopped paying visits to the Evanses. Whether this was of her own accord or Lily's doing, James did not know. However, her absence did little to amend the damage she inadvertently caused.

Lily had turned a cold shoulder toward James. She would not even waste time to argue with him when he made a stupid remark, let alone glance at him when they crossed each other in the hall. He was sad to say it, but the absence of her frequent scowls and constant bickering penetrated him more deeply than any blade could have.

"Evans!" he bellowed, knocking obstinately on her bedroom door in response to the ongoing blaring of her alarm clock. "Evans, knock it off! You've abused me enough, can't you give me a break already?"

Of course, above all else, she could never pass up the chance to get back at him when the opportunity presented itself. Agitatedly, he tried opening the door again, but it was locked.

"How about you just get a mountain troll next time? Maybe if it sits on you—"

He was cut off by a _thud_ that could only be associated with Lily's pillow making contact with the door. The idea of blasting his way into the room seemed very tempting, but James was sure her alarm clock was a lot heavier than it looked and he had no doubt she'd be throwing that next. He sighed in defeat and allowed his head to rest on the wooden barrier that locked him out.

It had been the perfect opportunity to get closer to her. It was just his luck that Mierra decided to come along as well.

"Lily, come on . . . it isn't my fault. _She_ came onto me. It's not like I wanted it to happen. But of course, with my being irresistible and all, it's only natura— ouch!"

James removed his forehead from the door as Lily undoubtedly punched it from the other side. Then, just as quickly, it flew open, and she stepped over the threshold, eyes narrowed with distaste.

"I'm sorry, but are you under the impression that I'm bothered by your little episode with Mierra?"

She put a different stress on the girl's name, and James found himself mentally noting to avoid the two when they coincided back at Hogwarts.

Lily walked coolly past him without another word, her once beautiful face sunken by the sullen attitude that plagued her. There wasn't a doubt in James' mind that she was deeply bothered by what happened. Despite the melancholy attitude, however, James couldn't help but crack a wide grin as he watched her walk away, disheveled crimson locks bouncing as her pace increased. Truth be told, it didn't matter if she knocked him out cold on the spot, as long as she was finally acknowledging his existence.

"So what is it that's making you act as if you've got a leech crawling up your arse?"

A lock of Lily's thick hair whipped him in the face when she spun around and —

_SMACK!_

Of all the times she had retaliated, he had never been struck with enough force to actually end up looking in a completely new direction. The sudden jerk also had consequences on his neck, which remained sore until the evening.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Mr. Evans returned home that night looking very disgruntled, only to leave an hour later with stumbling words — one of which James and Sirius had grown used to hearing: "Office."

The house, much to James' liking, had been void of much parental supervision, and so the two Marauders were able to exercise their magic at will. Petunia had made it a habit to disappear whenever that happened.

Tonight was no different. The door slammed behind her skeletal form as she made her way out into the dark, rainy driveway. An awkward silence settled as soon as the roars of wind from outside had been muted.

James was seated on the couch, staring fixedly at the dancing flames as they painted images in the dark glass of the window, only occasionally perturbed by lightning.

Lily had intentionally isolated herself in the dining room upon making eye contact with James. He didn't dare follow her. What she needed was time alone to think the situation over and realize he hadn't been at fault.

Despite whatever she said, James knew perfectly well that it was Mierra's kiss that speared her spirits. He wanted above all else to turn back time and go back to a few moments before that. He knew Lily never really hated him as much as she had claimed. She wouldn't waste her breath arguing so frequently if she did. Of course, it didn't mean he was one of her closest friends, but there was something beyond that seemingly impenetrable surface that she failed to fully conceal. Despite all the remarks and all the irony, there was something that James saw beyond her cold gaze that made him feel as if he was a piece of her life that she would not liked to have lost.

Only recently did that hidden something escape her — that one night, when she was in his room, worry masking her otherwise lively, emerald eyes.

He heard someone's approaching footsteps and tore his dazed eyes away from the languorous window with difficulty. After blinking several times, he was finally able to make out Sirius' distinctly handsome features.

"What is it?" he asked

"Just thought I'd let you know that I spoke to Lily on your behalf," he said, taking a seat next to his friend. "I fed her some rubbish about how scoring the winning goal just got Mierra excited and all that, and that Evans' senseless jealousy was making her ignorant to the fact that you didn't kiss Mierra back."

A rush of gratitude spread through James as he grinned for the first time since the morning.

"And did she throw knives at you?"

Sirius let out a laugh at his friend's remark and replied, "That privilege is reserved for you, and you alone, Prongs."

"I'm honored," James commented sarcastically. "So what _did_ she throw if not knives?"

Sirius remained silent and in thought. He seemed to be trying to formulate how and what to say next.

It was at this point that James felt his heart sink to his stomach and the heat rise in his face. Whatever Sirius was going to say next didn't seem like something James would want to hear.

Finally, his friend looked up. His usual childish malevolence was not present in those cold, gray eyes he had inherited from his mother. His lips parted to speak, and the word that escaped them was not one that James was expecting to hear.

"Tears."

The flash of lightning outside only emphasized the gravity that accompanied the image of a lonely Lily, crying because of him. Feeling at his worst, he sank lower into the couch and rested his head on his clenched hand.

"She's crying . . . and it's because of me."

"It's not because of you. It's because of her," Sirius consoled. James refrained himself from asking if the love of his life was currently PMSing, knowing for a fact that if the words escaped the living room, his head would be on display somewhere other than his body.

"Don't tell her I'm spilling this out to you," Sirius continued, glancing around to make sure he wasn't heard by anyone else, "but Mierra confessed to her at the beginning of the trip that she had begun developing feelings for you again."

"I had no idea," James intervened irritably. Sirius disregarded the sarcasm.

"I don't think I should betray her trust so indifferently, so I won't go too into it, but Lily's begun to see you more as a friend than a rival lately. Of course, out of respect for Mierra, she never let it show for fear that it would encourage you to continue flirting with her."

"I've spent four and a half years trying to get her to like me … and when she finally starts to feel something other than hatred, she squashes it because of Mierra's _feelings_?" James clarified, disliking his ex-girlfriend more and more.

"Which is why what Mierra did to you a few days ago got to her so much. It was—" (he formed quotation marks with his fingers) "—insensitive."

_But why would she care?_ James found himself asking. Wasn't Lily holding back so that Mierra could get her chance?

Sirius seemed to know what was going on in James's mind and, for some reason, tried to dodge the question by making his leave. James, however, stopped him before he could get too far.

"It's not just friendship she was starting to feel was it?" he asked. His famous lopsided smirk accompanied his speculation and Sirius couldn't help but smile back.

"Don't get cocky," he reprimanded lightheartedly. And before James could interrogate him further, he was already heading upstairs.

Several minutes later, Lily emerged from the dining room, proof of tears evident in her red eyes and cheeks. She seemed to have attempted to wash her face clean of any traces, but was unsuccessful. James stood up from the couch to acknowledge her and was surprised to see her jump in shock; clearly she had been waiting until he was upstairs and came out a little too early.

Of course, James would've stayed the whole night downstairs if he'd had to until he ran into her.

"Evans . . . are you all right?"

It was said in the most sincere way he could muster, but his efforts went unrecognized. Lily was determined to avoid speaking to him. She was already sprinting up the stairs by the time he finished. Taken aback and slightly offended by her abrupt departure, he dashed after her.

"Evans, talk to me!" he said, though it was more of a command than a request.

"Good night, Potter," Lily said somewhat more feebly than usual, but James stuck his arm between the door to keep her from locking him out again. Of course, he realized a millisecond later that it wouldn't have stopped her.

However, this time, it did.

She gasped before she could slam it shut on him and held back, giving him a chance to open it again and step forward. Lily reacted at once by pulling her wand out of her pocket. Unfortunately for her, James was swifter and managed to cast _Expelliarmus_ before a hex even came to mind. Her wand flew neatly into his hand and he put both his and hers on her dresser.

"No magic," he said. "I'm not here to fight with you."

"Get out," Lily demanded, but she struggled in saying it. James felt another wave of guilt strike him. She was about to start crying again.

"Lily," he tried a little more softly, ". . . are you feeling okay?"

_Idiot_.

That was all he could say? She was ready to break down again and he asked her if she was okay?

But Lily didn't seem to think it was stupid at all. Her breathing (which James had noticed was becoming an arduous task for her) slowed down slightly.

"W-What?"

James was taken aback by this more than she was. Had he just said something _right_?

"Er. . . I noticed you've been really down lately. And what I said to you earlier was insensitive. I shouldn't have assumed that you were mad at Mierra for what happened."

He was careful with his words, having finally caught her full attention. Lily remained calm, giving him the cue to go on.

"But, I know for a fact that you're upset with me about something, and I have no idea why," he said, sensing that his five seconds of being on her good side were about to come to an abrupt end.

Lily's expression hardened for a split second, in which she was staring at the wall over James's right shoulder. Then immediately after, a look he had never seen on her took hold of her features — guilt.

_Now_ was the time to ask if she was feeling all right. . .

"You're wrong," Lily whispered, again struggling with her speech as she tried to keep the tears from earlier repressed.

She failed; one by one, they began falling again. Despite the fact that they were in complete darkness, James was able to see something was wrong. She must've felt terrible to have cried so much in one night.

Lily Evans never cried . . . or at least, James had never imagined seeing her doing so. Any image of her would always be that of a strong, impenetrable (yet inwardly gentle) girl. She rarely ever showed a sensitive side.

And now here she was, crying for the first time in front of James Potter.

He wanted so badly to leave . . . to apologize for disturbing her and then run out as fast as possible before the hatred he felt toward himself engulfed him. None of this would've happened if not for him.

"Lily . . ." he said, once again acknowledging her by her first name, "I'm sorry. I should never have bothered you. Whatever it is, we can talk about it tomorrow morning." (_Or we can just forget about it completely,_ he silently implored.)

When Lily didn't respond, he made his way to the dresser to retrieve her wand. However, it was not there. Heart jolting, James dropped to his knees to search the floor without even bothering to turn on the lights.

"What the—?"

He rose back to his feet and reached for the door, but it would not budge.

"We've been locked in," he announced to her, running various explanations through his mind. Again, he glanced around for their wands, but they were out of sight. Only one name came to mind —

"SIRIUS!"


	12. Lily's Room

Lily cold toward James because she didn't want to get sensitive and cry

Thanks to my reviewers. Sorry this took a while.

_Last chapter left off with Sirius locking James in Lily's room_

**Crude Irony**

Chapt 12 – Lily's Room

James's importunate knocking received no response.

"What's he playing at?" he demanded, slamming his fist against the door, however fruitless the attempt. It was sealed with magic, and he was without his wand.

What was bothering him most was that Lily had remained so quiet. She made no comment, no attempt to break out . . . she didn't even reprimand James for nearly breaking down her door. Normally, being locked in Evans' room alone with her at this time of night would've made him the happiest man alive (in fact, the only memories he ever had of class were the recurring daydreams of him in some place alone with her), but this was not how it was supposed to play out.

"Do you honestly think he's going to open up now that you've got every intention of killing him?"

Lily had found her voice. James was so surprised to hear her that he abandoned his pointless shouting and turned around. Silently, he allowed his fist to fall back to his side and stood, facing her.

She looked as if she had more to say, so he allowed her to gather her thoughts while he stood there, waiting. Finally, it came:

"Listen, as much as I disapprove of Sirius locking me in my own room—" (James noticed that she had not added "with you") "—I'd rather not wait until tomorrow to clear this up."

She took a seat on her bed and pulled a strand of hair from her face, though James knew her real intention was to inconspicuously wipe her eyes. She made no gesture for him to join her, so he remained where he was.

"I'm not mad at you," she continued barely above a whisper. "But I _have _been taking it out on you . . . and I'm . . . sorry."

It may have seemed very awkward for her to say, but nothing compared to the tremendous amount of shock James received upon hearing it. She could not see his expression the darkness, but his silence hinted enough.

"The truth is . . . I've been avoiding you partly because of anger, and partly because . . ."

It was difficult for her to admit it, but she went on regardless, ". . . because I didn't want to talk to you."

"I guessed as much," James said.

"But for a different reason," she clarified. "I . . . didn't want to start crying again."

Lily said the words with an air of annoyance at herself. Once more, James fell into silence.

"I guess I've been a bit of a whining brat lately," she finished with a slight bitterness that suggested she was ashamed for allowing whatever was bothering her to break her so easily.

"No," he intervened quickly. "Evans, everyone is entitled to feel pain once in a while. You know, the fact that you actually can cry eased a longtime concern of mine that pertained to you not being human."

"I appreciate the complement," Lily said dryly.

"Well, can you blame me?" James defended himself, daring to allow a grin. "I mean, girls look at me and stare with their eyes practically bulging out of their heads until they walk into a concrete object. You look at me and run as fast as you can in the opposite direction. Girls practically line up to get a date with me. You turn me down even before I have a chance to ask. Girls don't hesitate to cry their eyes out over the dumbest things. You keep everything to yourself and swallow it with dignity."

"So what you're saying is that I'm not a girl?" Lily asked, though the tense atmosphere was beginning to dissipate. James laughed and approached her. Without her consultation, he took a seat at the opposite end of the bed.

"What I'm saying is that you're different. You're the only girl that's worth the chase. I don't go after you because I see you as just another trophy to put up on my wall. God, Evans, you think I'd ask you out almost 50 times just so I could satisfy my ego?"

Lily cleared her throat silently, and James chuckled at the response.

"Come on, all of Hogwarts knows my ego is big enough; I don't need to go through all that trouble just to feed it more."

This time, it was Lily who laughed. James took in the sound with a fixed memory. It was the first time he heard her laughing so sweetly over something _he _said. It was a definitely a step up from the usual bitter, sarcastic laugh she had reserved only for him.

"You know, I've heard you laugh sincerely before, but it was always from afar. The only time I remember being so close to you when it happened was after the welcoming feast during our third year."

Even in the darkness, he could see Lily lift her gaze.

"You were laughing with your friends on your way up to Gryffindor Tower. I didn't even hear what they said . . . so much was running through my mind as I followed you. That night, in the common room, was the first time I asked you out."

He stopped to allow the memory to settle in his mind again . . . the nervousness, the preparation . . . he had never had to go through that.

"And naturally," Lily said, "you made a complete fool of yourself."

She was right. He had panicked, and asked her out the only way he was accustomed to — he flirted and ended up sounding more arrogant than he had meant to. It was for that reason that she probably thought that she was just another one of the thousands of others he had hit on. She never did come to terms with how wrong she was.

"I didn't mean to," James confessed. "It just sort of . . . all came out at once. I lost all conscious control of my mind." He laughed quietly, and she grinned at his excuse.

"You're going to tell me you got cold feet? Of all your excuses, Potter, this is your weakest. You've asked out tons of girls before me . . . you didn't even know me. I highly doubt you were any more nervous about talking to me than you were with any of them."

James sat in silence, taking in what she said. Then, in response, he replied, "The first time I really noticed you was on the second day of classes at Hogwarts, during Potions class. It was our first year, but I had befriended Sirius by then. The pranks didn't come until later, but I've always been a bit of a troublemaker. Even before Hogwarts. Girls were attracted to me then, too. We were confident . . . we showed promise even before the classes began. Everyone would watch us perform whatever spells we learned from watching our parents every night in the common room."

Lily had no idea how the conversation changed so abruptly, but she listened obediently nevertheless.

"No one seemed to have a clue as to what they were doing, but it didn't matter. Girls were girls, and if they liked us, we liked them. It was a bit stupid really, but anything that put us on top suited us well.

"And then . . . when Slughorn assigned us a potion to start off class on Tuesday to see who had the natural talent, I finally found my weakness. Sirius and I sat together, so we helped each other out. But we had never cared much for brewing potions when our parents had done it. Spells and incantations were what caught our interest. To put it simply . . . we sucked.

"You were the only one who managed to mix it perfectly. Slughorn went on about it until the end of class, but the only thing I was able to take in was the flawlessly brewed potion, and the First Year red-haired girl who had managed to conjure it perfectly on only the second day of class.

"Ever since then, I had always kept my eye on you, Evans. Even with girlfriends left and right, you were the only one to ever really impress me. And as I studied you further, I learned more about you. I knew you'd heard of me . . . the way you used to give me disapproving looks as I walked the corridors with Sirius and Remus. It only impressed me more that you didn't like me . . . it showed you had class and that you disliked the way I would take advantage of my good looks and talent. You were different, and it intrigued me.

"You presumed I'd first met you in our third year at Hogwarts. You thought I asked you out immediately after seeing you, because you suspected I was only attracted to you the way I was attracted to everyone else. I never told you otherwise. I liked the challenge. The more I asked you out, the more I had the chance to talk to you, even if the result was that you ended up hating me more. But the truth is . . . I observed you for two years before asking you out. You were the only one I ever had the patience to wait for . . . the only one I didn't want to screw up with. So I took my time, and I waited.

"But in the end, as you so rightly pointed out, I ended up making a fool of myself."

An uneasy silence penetrated the closed space they had been locked in. James's eyes had adjusted to the darkness, but it was still difficult to make out the expression on Lily's still features. She sat, motionless, her mind possibly lingering on what he had just admitted to her.

James had never allowed such emotive confessions to leave his lips. Composure was set in his blood since birth. Sensitivity was for those lacking pride, and he could not afford it as a Marauder. Arrogance, indifference — that was what made him irresistible to most girls.

And, naturally, that was Evans loathed him for.

Yet, it was she who had brought him to spill out everything, including the fact that he had waited for her, even _observed_ her for years. It was she who had more than often proved to him and the rest of Hogwarts' population that spoiled little James Potter didn't always get he wanted.

Of course, Lily Evans was the only one ever worth wanting. He watched her form shift in the darkness as she rose from the bed. His eyes were paralyzed. The darkness complemented her figure beautifully as she took her steady strides. A numbness unlike any he had known before spread through his body like a dementor's cold touch, and the paralysis expanded to his limbs. He loved everything about her — her unique, wavy crimson locks; her unsurpassed skill with Charms (including those not pertaining to spells); her inimitable personality; her unpredictable actions; the way she hated him so much when deep down she knew she didn't; and those eyes . . . those renascent green eyes that shone for a split second in the surrounding black before they were masked again by flesh and incomparably long eyelashes.

James's vision had become unfocused. His heart seemed to have lost its rhythm. Her lips had brushed his. Gently, Lily deepened the kiss, and he fell victim to her lips' passionate embrace. His hands found their way to her soft cheeks and, then, he wove his fingers through curls of the deepest shade of red . . . a color that failed in comparison to that of the flames tearing through his very body.

His brain was able to register only one thing: he was alone with Lily Evans in a dark room . . . . and she was snogging him.

The moment seemed ready to last forever, until unwelcome sounds began to force their way into his subconscious. He focused only on Lily, but the noise was nagging at him. A part of him seemed to feel as if he should be worried, but the timing was so terrible he didn't even care . . .

. . . until Lily pulled away more abruptly than such a passionate moment deserved. Her dazzling green eyes, visible only by the light pouring in through the windows from outside, seemed troubled, and it was then that James realized that he was not imagining what he had heard.

"Lily. . .?"

A resounding scream was all he got in response, and both teenagers stood at once to face the window. In the distance was a brilliant green flash, and several masked and hooded figures watching people in their nightclothes running around in vein. James's eyes narrowed behind his glasses. The flashes of light emanating from those cloaked figures were an ominous sight to see in a Muggle neighborhood.

"James," Lily whispered, and he wrapped an arm around her instinctively.

But before he could tear his eyes from the window to look at her, a figure appeared with a loud crack on the lawn, and its eyes turned upward to look at them. James's heart froze in its beating as he vividly recalled those cold, gray eyes that tortured him in his sleep. They belonged to the man who had accompanied the Aurors on the night he had witnessed the tragedy of the Muggle families.

That man was now wearing Death Eater robes, and he was staring straight at him.

"Lily — RUN!"

He grabbed her arm and raced across the room toward the locked door. A distant cry reached his ears. And then, a flash of light illuminated the darkened room, swallowing its contents whole.

James rammed into the door as hard as he could, and it swung open just in time for him to catch sight of Lily's room being set ablaze.

The force of it all sent him plummeting to the ground, and all he could hear when the flames cut across his skin was Lily's heart-stopping cry.


	13. Cruciatus

Crude Irony

_The last chapter left off with Lily kissing James before the appearance of Death Eaters at her house interrupted._

**Crude Irony**

Chapt 13 – Cruciatus

James hit the ground harder than he would have liked, for Lily had been knocked into him from the force of the curse that had obliterated nearly her entire room. She stumbled into him and then rolled onto the ground with a small trail of blood emerging from her forehead.

He threw his arms over her head as the door was knocked off its hinges and flew right over them, tumbling over the guardrail and landing seconds later into splintered pieces on the first floor. Several more items were knocked over them with the gust, and James wasted no time in getting to his feet and forcing Lily up. She was paler than he had ever seen, and the shade of her dark hair only emphasized it. He closed a burnt hand around her wrist and guided her down the stairs.

"Sirius."

The name escaped his lips in an inaudible murmur as he scanned the living room hastily with his eyes. Lily jumped at the sound of a loud yelp, and James bellowed his friend's name once more.

"Come out, come out and play, little Mudblood!" a feminine voice screeched tauntingly throughout the house. James's grip tightened around Lily's wrist and she moved in closer to him.

"This way," he whispered, and he led her into the kitchen. They had only passed through the doors when a window shattered from the room they had just escaped, and the same voice came calling for them once more.

James reached instinctively into his jeans pocket, but harsh reality struck him as he remembered that both he and Lily were wandless. Lily, however, did not care for a duel. She hurried to the kitchen window and pulled it open. Then, with James's help, she climbed out of it and landed on the cool, damp grass on the other side. James appeared behind her shortly after and the two turned around to run for it.

Their hearts leapt to their throats as they saw dozens of hooded, masked figures striding across the street toward her lawn. The luminescence from the streetlights had been put out, without doubt due to destructive spells. James was not sorry at all, for it gave them the chance to crouch low and escape into the trees.

Unfortunately, the ground was still wet from the rain before, and one of them accidentally stepped into a puddle. The Death Eater nearest caught the sound and turned around to search the darkness, but they had already disappeared behind thick trunks and leaves by the time any wands were lit.

"James," Lily breathed, and it turned James's blood to ice to hear the blatant fear in her voice.

"Don't worry," he assured her, though the words left his lips dryly.

"James, my parents . . . and Sirius."

"They'll be fine," James said. "We just have to find Sirius and get our wands, and then we can think about saving the others."

Lily's silence signified her acceptance of the plan, and the two cleared out of the trees and continued to run, though they had no idea where they were going or how far they were going to have to run before Sirius caught up with them.

_He won't expect us to be near the house_, James planned as he led the way, _because he knows we're without our wands — the stupid git — and he knows I would never try anything if it put Lily at risk. So he's going to know we ran for it . . . and he's going to wonder where . . . but where? Where are we—_

It came to him almost at once: Quidditch.

"The park," James said at once, slowing down to keep pace with Lily, who was gallantly doing her best to keep going, though she looked as if she was ready to collapse from all the excitement they had just gone through in the past few minutes.

"Park?" she gasped, trying to draw breaths at a steady pace.

"Where we played Quidditch. He'll look for us there. He knows I'm going to be expecting him for our wands, and the only place I know in this area other than your house is that park."

"Right," Lily panted, and she took the lead. They ran another few minutes until they reached the barren piece of land, covered in ice, rain, and snow. It looked ominous at this time of night, deserted as it was with only a few streetlights scattered around to keep it lit. It was surrounded on three ends by a thick forest, beyond which they could only see black. The trees thinned a little in one spot to reveal another area of darkness, but James knew from his previous trip here that what lay beyond them was a lake of black water, covered in ice, that continued into the forest. They stood on the road, staring silently at the empty park.

Perhaps James imagined it, but he turned around regardless to look upon the road, for he had heard several loud thuds. Lily, more frightened than he had ever seen her, followed his eyes. She closed a hand around his and, with no resistance from James, entered the park at a jog. Her intention was to hide in the trees before they could catch up . . . whoever _they_ were.

"Who are they?" she whispered, when they were deep enough in the forest to feel safe about verbal communication.

"I'm willing to bet they're under Voldemort," James replied, and Lily's head turned so swiftly that his heart skipped a beat. But it was at him that she was staring with her eyes wide with disbelief. He turned around, but there was no one.

"You spoke his name," she whispered when he turned back to her.

"Yeah, why not?" he questioned, and his tone presented a challenge. At this, Lily let a feeble smile present itself on her darkened features. But she did not say anything.

"You know that day that you were by the lake?" he said suddenly. She turned inquisitive eyes upon him, and he elaborated, "That day with the stag."

That was enough. She nodded in remembrance and opened her mouth to ask him how he knew about that, but he cut her off.

"I overheard that bloke, Zanerok, talking to Goyle and a couple of other Slytherin idiots. They mentioned something about Muggles. I didn't pay too much attention to it then, but I'm willing to give up my broom if this isn't what they were talking about."

"Your broom, huh," Lily said with a slight hint of mockery in her voice, and her lips curled into a smile. "I guess I can believe you _now_."

"Be quiet," James responded hotly. It was amazing how she could go from one emotion to another so rapidly. She was not bipolar, but at times, James knew she could put even those who were to shame.

"So tell me," Lily said, as they sat down against the trunk of a thick tree and waited in the darkness. "Should I be worried, then, to have kissed a potential stalker?"

James laughed, and only one word stood out so blissfully in his mind: _kissed_.

"I'm not a stalker, Lily. I have no need to be. Girls usually follow _me_."

Lily scoffed at this and muttered something under her breath that James thought sounded a lot like, "Conceited little toerag."

But she said it with a lighthearted tone, and he caught her lips curved once more in that sweet smile that only she possessed. He wanted more than anything to just reach in and continue where they left off back in her room, but he knew that they could not afford to let their guard slip so easily.

"So it was you, then?" Lily asked, pulling him once more from his thoughts. "You decided to be creative and flung a deer at them?"

"It was a stag," James corrected indignantly. "And I don't—"

But James never had the chance to finish. His breath caught in his throat as the sound of a twig snapping caught his attention. Lily heard it too, for she pulled herself away from the tree they were leaning against and rose into a squat, ready to run if necessary. James blanched. They must have heard him.

Silently, he motioned for her to follow him, and the two crouched low and headed in the opposite direction. But it was no good; the ground was still slightly covered in snow, and their steps could be heard with crunches that seemed magnified in the silence.

At once, a flash of red caught his eyes and, a second later, Lily exhaled a pained gasp as the blow struck her in the chest and sent her to the ground with a large gash under her collarbone. She looked ready to pass out and James dropped to the ground beside her as another flash cut through the air.

"Lily!" he cried, knowing they would have been surrounded now, regardless. She uttered a faint noise to show that she was conscious, but her eyes remained closed. The leaves of the nearest tree were brushed aside, and James looked up to catch sight of a mask behind them. Without thought, he leapt forward and groped in the darkness for the man's hand. He found it on his first try and forced it skyward so that the ominously green spell missed him. The Death Eater was not quick enough to evade James's swift punch, however, and was thrown back. James seized his wand and dropped down beside Lily, knowing more of them were on their way. He muttered a series of incantations under his breath and watched helplessly as the foreign wand glowed feebly in his grasp.

He repeated the spells several times until Lily's wound was no longer spilling blood, and her eyes barely opened.

"Come on," he said, and he gently lifted her up. From the corner of his eye, he saw another flash of light illuminate the dark surroundings. Had it not been for many years of evading bludgers, the curse would have struck its target.

But he managed to move out of the way, and it instead knocked the tip of the wand, wrenching it from his hand as well as splintering it into two. Lily had gained control of her body and was now able to balance on her own.

"James," she said weakly, "we're trapped."

_No_.

"They've surrounded us — we've no wands; we're done for."

"I will not die," James said through deep breaths as his eyes darted back and forth between the oncoming Death Eaters, "after six years of waiting for you to kiss me and then losing the chance because of them."

He could see lips part to shout out incantations. It was only through sheer determination and lack of thought that he managed to find an escape without a wand.

He pulled Lily hastily onto his back and then charged. The Death Eater before him would have cast his curse, had it not been for his utter bewilderment at James's actions. He took several steps back and shouted, "_Impedimenta!_" in careless haste.

The spell missed by inches, and the charging seventeen year-old lunged forward. In one swift transformation, a stag galloped in his stead, breaking the circle of Death Eaters with ease and racing further into the foliage. Lily's arms closed tightly around his thick neck and she ducked to avoid the branches.

"POTTER!"

The stag took a sharp leap to the right and disappeared further into the mass of trunks and leaves as the Death Eaters pursued them.

"_Avada Kedavra!_"

The light reflected in his hazel eyes, but James had taken the stride and it was too late to evade it. To his immense fortune, the spell collided with one of the trees and it burst into flames right as they passed it. He only caught a glimpse of it falling to ashes before he turned his attention back on their trail.

He had run right into a clearing. Exhausted, James came to a halt, allowing Lily to slide off his back before he reverted to human form and stumbled over to the nearest tree to catch his breath.

Her eyes followed him with the little light cast by the moon overhead.

"You?" she said quietly. "It was you? You're . . . an Animagus?"

James nodded, but he did not face her.

"Lily," he panted, "you've got to hide. They're after Muggle-borns. They've been killing them without repent and they'll continue to do so until only half-bloods or more are left."

"I'm not worried about myself," Lily replied defiantly.

"You should be," James said in a tone that invited no argument. "And if you're not, then I am. Don't you get it? It doesn't matter how brilliant of a witch you are — to them, you're only as good as a Muggle," he spat bitterly.

"Then I'll prove them wrong!" Lily bellowed angrily, and several birds parted with the branches they were perched upon at her shout. She knew at once the mistake that she made. They were without wands, and she had just given the Death Eaters an invitation to their hideout. James pushed off of the tree he was leaning against and ran to her. He did not look angry, but embarrassment colored her cheeks at her act of negligence.

"I'm sorry—" she began, but James placed a hand to her mouth and listened attentively. His heart dropped to his stomach as he heard voices approaching them.

Hastily, he shoved her discourteously toward the trees and beckoned for her to run, but Lily just barely slipped behind one when two figures appeared in the clearing.

James turned swiftly at the sound of the footsteps, but he wasn't quick enough.

"_Avada Ked—_"

"_Crucio!_"

The curse hit him squarely in the back and before any thought passed fleetingly through his mind, James was screaming louder than he had ever screamed in his life. He was on the ground, writhing and twisting violently and without control. His body was burning, and he could feel white-hot daggers penetrating his flesh. His throat constricted painfully; he was choking on his own cry.

The curse was lifted, and with one last thrash, he landed on the cold, wet dirt, consciously unmoving. His body, however, was trembling without control as the memory of the excruciating pain burned tauntingly fresh in his mind. His breathing was coming out in heavy gasps, but he was alive.

He threw a glance at the darkness where he knew Lily had run and gave the trees a warning glance, demanding that she stay where she was if she was still there. Fortunately, the girl did not appear.

"You've got a sadistic sense of humor, you know that?" a raspy voice said with a chuckle. James made to look over his shoulder, but his neck protested as another stab of pain forced his head back on the ground.

"You're an idiot, Zanerok" a second voice replied, and James recognized it at once as the woman who had called out to him and Lily back at her house. "I didn't do it for my own amusement."

She paused, and James could hear branches snapping behind him as her footsteps grew louder. Within seconds, a cold hand closed around his robes and he was turned over onto his back. Her face lay several feet above his; she was not wearing her mask, but he could tell from the pitiless look in her black eyes that she was a Death Eater.

Her eyes scanned his features for a second longer before she got back to her feet and turned to face the man James now knew was the Slytherin captain's father.

"Do you see who he is, you bloody _moron_!"

Zanerok came closer, but by the blank look on his face, he was unable to answer that question. His accomplice did not wait for his reply.

"He looks exactly like his father. It's Potter's son. You nearly killed him."

"So what?" Zanerok said carelessly. The female Death Eater's eyes narrowed at his incompetence.

"_So what_? The Potters are one of the only few Pureblood families left, and the Dark Lord wishes to have them on our side. It'd be bloody brilliant to try and get them to join us after they've found out we've killed their son!" she spat.

"All right, all right, keep your knickers on, you old bat," he said, unaware of the look she just cast him. "I still think it'd be prudent to finish him off before he can get to us—"

"Very prudent," she replied, walking further away from James now, "seeing as it'd be much worse to get a nosebleed from a damn teenager than be tortured and then brutally murdered by the Dark Lord. Very prudent, indeed."

Their bickers began to grow distant, and James knew they were leaving the clearing. His mind relaxed at this, and he waited on the ground until their footsteps died out.

But a sudden shout rang through the air like a dagger to James's chest, and he recognized at once the voice that had uttered the incantation.

"Sirius!" he breathed; he had sounded close. Another cry followed that one, but this one seemed startled. James's heart turned cold at the sound of the familiar shriek — it did not belong to a Death Eater.

"Ah," said the female Death Eater, for she and her partner had stopped to listen, "the Mudblood."

_Reviews are motivating, so please comment. I'll try to write the next chapter quickly._


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